(Closed) Last name change?

posted 6 months ago in Family
Post # 77
Member
468 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

sarandah :  I mean, you’re living like a child and not supporting yourself, so no, your marriage is not “real” in the way marriages traditionally operate (since, you know, you seem to be a big proponent of traditionalism, usually married life doesn’t involve the financial support of parents). 

Also, to quote my dad, “if I’m payin’, I’m sayin’.” To circle back to the original point, yes, your dad is fine to make whatever demands he wants, including you not changing your name, when he’s the one bankrolling your life.

Post # 78
Member
176 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: City, State

“You all consider me judgmental because no one was around to inform you on what’s right and wrong.”

WHAT THE LITERAL EFF? I am almost 10 years older than you, I don’t need a child to tell me what is right and wrong. I can determine that for myself thank you very much. That is so disgustingly condescending I have no words! You are right that cohabitation before marriage is a newer concept, but it in NO WAY means that we don’t have morals because that’s the life we chose. 

If you want to truly be respected here as an adult, you need to act your age. You need to cut the ties with Daddy and live your own life. My parents actually paid for my college tuition and dorms while I was in school as well, so its not unheard of to support your children while they are still children / teenagers / young adults. But had I gotten married in college, that gravy train would have ended, FAST. Getting married means you are an adult and ready to start your life with your new husband and make a new nuclear family, without daddy cutting the check. 

Post # 79
Member
98 posts
Worker bee

I am having so much touble imagining moving into a house that someone else chose without any mutual discussion of features/location???? That is not an adult move.

Post # 81
Member
6806 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

Image result for headdesk gif

Post # 82
Member
98 posts
Worker bee

OK, but my point is that world-wise adults don’t have these sorts of decisions made for them. If someone told me “this is where you live now” and I wasn’t a minor, I’d laugh at them. How can you comment on others and their living arrangements when you have a most unusual living situation yourself? How can you comment on other people’s decisions when you are content to have such major life decisions (home, name change) essentially made for you? It’s you who is playing house, Bee.

Post # 83
Member
2917 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

sarandah :  Based on the behavior of your own father, I’m not at all shocked that you are as judgemental and out of touch with reality as you are. You’ve said that he is controlling and abusive, and you’ve made plenty of comments on this site that describe your own similar, controlling behavior (ie. you think your opinions are facts, you tell your husband not be friendly, you don’t want him around women, etc etc etc).

Post # 84
Member
5559 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

sarandah :  is he abusive like you claimed before? Or is he someone who wants the best for his daughter, like you claim now?

If he’s abusive, the house had ZERO to do with you and EVERYTHING to do with keeping you under his thumb

Post # 85
Member
2236 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’ll leave all the other stuff alone:

 

Now, after a year of marriage, I’ve been thinking of changing my last name and if my dad gets angry or whatever he decides to say, he should really get over it, and I was wondering what the process is like? Is it REALLY that big of a hassle? 

 

You have to go to the DMV and the Social Security office with a copy of your current ID and your marriage certificate. It’s a very easy process, but it can take many hours of waiting, depending on how busy each respective place is.

 

If you think your father will retaliate financially, I guess you and your husband have to decide which is better, keeping your name and being significantly subsidized, or paying your own bills and deciding yourself what your last name is.

Post # 86
Member
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

sarandah :  No honey your wrong. Your marriage is not a marriage. A marriage is between two people. Not two people and Daddy. A marriage is when two people support eachoher. Not two people and Daddy. A marriage is when two people agree on something and make it happen.,Not two people and Daddy. See you have a lot to learn in life and by Daddy always paying and buying you things you and your husband will never know the real values of a marriage. You will never struggle, you will never have a say in where you want to live, hell you didn’t even have a say in changing your name. So no Bee your marriage is not a marriage. I want my kids to have the best life they can possibly have also. But that dosen’t mean controlling them or buying their love. It means letting me grow up and go through life the way an adult should. Make some mistakes, learn from them, choose a career they want, marry who they want but don’t interfer in their marriage!!!! You are never going to learn the ways of life when daddy keeps controlling you. And by all means if that’s what you want then go for it. But DO NOT tell other people how they should live their life. You are very young and have a lot to learn. Life is going to bite you right in the ass one day and your not going to know what to do because you think you know so much. So don’t come on here with your high horse and judge anybody and how they live and what their morals are you have NO right. You have thrown alot of words around that are very disrespectful to some and that right there is showing you have no morals. So don’t go there with me. 

Post # 87
Member
94 posts
Worker bee

OP, you’re getting all exercised because after a deluge of inflammatory posts, you don’t like the opinions people have formed about your living situation/relationship. I don’t particularly like the opinions you seem to have formed about some of my life choices, but honestly I couldn’t care less where you’re living, or how, or what your father thinks, or whether you think money somehow = love and respect, or whether you’re immature, or wrong about life in general because what you do doesn’t affect me in the slightest.

See how that works??

Post # 88
Hostess
3844 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

Wow.  I did have people to teach me morals/right from wrong.  My parents paid for my college, graduate school, and gifted us substantially for our house.  There were never any strings attached, they just did this because they loved us.  We even lived together before marriage.  Scandalous.  Part of growing up is learning that there are lots of different ways to do things and that doesn’t mean that one way is right and all others are wrong.  My parents disagree with living together before marriage and raised me that way, but D.H. and I decided what was best for us and decided on our own.  As adults.  We did not burst into flames.  My sister chose not to move in with her D.H. until they were married.  We all supported each others’ decisions because we’re all adults.  

To answer your first question, in most states after a year, you have to jump through additional hoops and appear in court to change your last name.  If it is worth it to you and you and your husband are happy with that decision, just do it and don’t involve your Dad.  It’s one thing to have respect for our parents and another to let them completely control our lives.  You can respectfully disagree with your Dad’s opinion that you not take your husband’s last name.  

 

Post # 89
Member
7002 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

You clearly don’t want any real advice, if you did you’d listen to what people are saying and quit coming back with arguments against it.

You live like a child, letting your parents financially support you, so you might as well continue to deal with letting them treat you like a child. If you are prepared to start paying your own way, change your name and take the backlash. 

Plenty of people have parents who want the best for their kids and help them to get ahead in life, myself included. I’m not at all ashamed to say that way back in the day when Darling Husband and I bought our first house my parents gifted us $10k towards a downpayment. The differece is my parents don’t fund our lifestyle and give NO input and NO opinions on what we do. Over the years they’ve gifted us big items not because we’ve asked but because they saw a need and want to help out. Their gifts are just that, gifts, and come with no strings attached. If my dad was a hothead who thought he could tell me what to do I’d never accept gifts from him. 

Post # 90
Hostess
9630 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL

Ok, this thread has really devolved.

A reminder to OP and others – criticizing others’ lifestyles and nesting choices is a violation of our TOS.

Closing.

The topic ‘Last name change?’ is closed to new replies.

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