Post # 1
My fiance and I are struggling with what to do about our last name. We’re a very progressive couple, but we absolutely want to have the same last name. Taking his last name (which is actually a great last name: Raz) seems like the easiest option in terms of other peoples reaction but it doesn’t quite feel right to be. I want to be our own little family, and not adhere to social (kind of sexist) norms. The other options are hyphenation (Fuller-Raz), but it seems like that might kind of be a burden for us, and for our future children. And lastly, what my fiance wants to do is pick an entirely new last name. He came up with Feltwick, which has a homespun, handmade vibe. It’s very us. And I love it. I’m just concerned about the social ramifications. I want to be taken seriously.
I would love all of your opinions and/or experiences with hyphenation or making up a new name!
Post # 3
I would have loved to make up a new name, but I just changed my name to match hubs. Mr and Mrs Star made up a whole new name, so if you haven’t read her posts, you can go back and check out how they went about it. I think its awesome, if you can both agree on it, and I love the name choice!! I say, go for it 🙂
Post # 4
I love that your FH is being so progressive about the name change, as well. After much deliberation, I decided that I would hyphenate and Darling Husband totally supported me in it. The reason we decided not to both hyphenate is that the hyphenation needs to stop somewhere or our kids will literally have last names that are Name-Name-Name-Name someday!
I’m really glad that I went the route of hyphenation. A lot of people will tell you that hyphenating makes things more difficult legally with banks, credit card companies, etc., but actually, it’s easier because you haven’t taken on an entirely new name. If I ever get checks written to my maiden name, the bank just takes them because it’s obvious that I’ve been married and it’s still to me. I also feel like I have held onto my sense of identity as my maiden name is still present.
The only thing that would keep me from creating a new name is the lack of culture and heritage behind it. For instance, my maiden name is very indicative of the region I’m from. I also like the idea of future generations being able to trace back to us, and it seems like creating a new name completely would make it difficult and confusing. However, I think each couple needs to do what is right for them, and I think the name your FH came up with sounds really cool. What I just mentioned would be my only concern about tht.
Post # 5
The only advice I would check is the cost associated with him changing his name as well. Its unfortunate but the standard is typically the female changing her last name, so I am not quite sure how difficult it would be for him to change his name, and if he would be able to do it for as inexpensive as a woman can after marriage.
It is just something to explore. You may want to look at your state statute and see how you would go about it, he may need to change for the marriage license, but I’m not quite sure.
Post # 6
I believe that if you both want to create a new name, you are going to have to file with the courts and pay a fee.
I personally like hypenating. I didn’t do it with my name though because it would have been way too long to write out!
Post # 7
Personally the hyphenated route is very “now” but I know a few people who took that route, and it just sounds like they didn’t want to take their husbands last name because they wanted it to be more unique (not saying thats your reason behind your choices)
For example, I will be a Mrs Smith when I marry my SO and hundreds of thousands of people have that surname, but I refuse to hyphenate simply because it is a common name. Who cares exactly, as long as the name doesn’t embarass you later on when you have to introduce yourself!
Just choose whatever you think sounds right!
Post # 8
I love the idea of making up a new name together. I’m pretty much the only “progessive” person in my family–FI, my parents, his parents, all our families would probably have freak outs if I even suggested that seriously. lol
I think new names together work out best when they sound like a combinations of your original names–because then people have a reference point. Something like Razler (which actually sounds really awesome!)
Feltwick might work absolutely fine, but it might confuse some people. I think you’ll be fine, because people will just assume you changed your name to your FI’s, but it might be tougher for him to explain just because it’s not very common for people to do as he’s planning.
I say if both of you love it and it fits you, then go for it! Maybe post on your facebook what you’re doing so everybody understands and you don’t have to explain it 8,000 times to friends and family. Good luck!
Edit: oh and as for the hassle of him changing, I think it depends on the state. In California, on the marriage certificate form there was a place for both of us to write in what our “new name” would be so I don’t think it would have been a problem at all if we both chose to change (but it’s more common for Latino men to do this so it might be a cultural thing that California has adapted to).
Post # 9
I dunno… I like the idea of it. But i’ve done a ton of work on our genealogy and what freakin pain, illigetimate children having Fitzd+dad’s lastname, and trying to track that down is the brick wall i’ve hit trying to do this. eh eitherway.. just wanted to throw that out there.
Post # 10
- Wedding: September 2011 - Bent Creek Winery (Livermore, California); Reception: Family Residence (San Ramon, California)
I love that you and your future hubby are so excited about finding a last name that you both can share together! I love it when men are willing to at least consider the possibility of changing their last names when they get married. You both sound awesome!
As for your situation, if you both are comfortable taking an entirely new last name and both like what your Fiance came up with, then go for it! There will always be people who don’t understand or support your decisions, whatever you choose to do. At the end of the day, it’s your name, and you have to live with it for the rest of your life. If this is a name you want for the rest of your life, and you’re OK having to explain every so often why you choose to come up with a new last name, then this sounds like the perfect option for you two!
My Fiance and I will both be hyphenating. Thankfully, our last names sound great together (as do yours, if I can say so!), and both of our last names have a lot of unique family history, so we really wanted to keep them. Our names also combine into a really awesome sort of “nickname” that a lot of our friends use to refer to us, and we love that. We know that our kids will have to make a choice when it comes to what they want to do when they get married, and we’re going to raise them with the knowledge that they are free to do whatever they want, and we will support them in that decision. If they want to drop all the last names, great! If they want to keep them and add more, also great! If they want to keep one, drop the other, totally great! Names are very personal, and whether or not to change or hyphenate or whatever is a decision that should only be made by the person potentially undergoing that change.
And we recognize that having a hyphenated name is a sort of burden to us as well. There are so many people I’ve had to explain our situation to, and with some people, it’s clear that they really don’t get why we’re doing this. But I think you’re going to get that reaction most of the time unless you just take your husband’s last name and drop your own. And to me, the burden of explaining myself sometimes is not so great that I want to simply take my FI’s last name. As much as I love him, simply taking his last name is not the right decision for either of us.
Post # 11
I agree with PP that the cost associated depends on your state. In my state, you just write in what your name will be after the ceremony on the marriage license, and once it is signed after the ceremony that is the legal name change request; and it is just the cost of the license. Works for either the bride of the groom.
I am taking FI’s last name, and am very happy with that decision. I think to each their own, but I personally am not a fan of making up a whole new name. I think that taking the groom’s name or hyphenating are the only options I would consider for myself.