(Closed) Last name for children out of wedlock

posted 10 years ago in Parenting
  • poll: Whose last name did your child get

    His

    Mine

    Hyphenated

    Other

  • Post # 17
    Member
    3467 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    DS has his dad’s last name. His bio dad was “involved” for the frist few years of DS’s life & then fell-off after no longer facilitated the relationship.

    Really though, it wouldn’t matter who’s last name DS had since his bio dad still has his parental rights as per his name is on the birth certificate. I cannot change DS’s last name without “permission” from his bio-dad or take him out of the country.

    DS has mentioned wanting to have the same last name as me (which is now DH’s last name) but like I said, even if DS had my madien name, I couldn’t legally change it without his bio-dad’s permission, or proving to the court it was in DS’s “best interest”. Since DS is still too young to really understand the significance of a name we’re not pushing changing it. If he still wants it changed to DH’s name when he’s older then we’ll look into then.

    Otherwise, I’m glad that DS has his dad’s last name.. purely b/c regardless of how his bio-dad is, DS has an opportunity to changing that legacy for his name by becoming all the man he can be! =)

    Post # 18
    Member
    911 posts
    Busy bee

    I was born out of wed-lock and received my Dad’s last name.  My parents got married a year later and have been married for 22 years.

    No child for me, but I’d have probably given them them the dad’s last name.

    Post # 19
    Member
    1131 posts
    Bumble bee

    I also don’t have a child but I was born out of wedlock. I was given my fathers name becuase my parents were in the process of planning thier wedding. If the parents are planning on getting married I think that is the way to go, but if there is not going to be a wedding then going with the moms name is the safe bet. There is always a bit of explaining to do at school when you are goign to pick up a child whos name is not your own.

    Post # 20
    Member
    2404 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Here is what my mom told me when I was pregnant at 17 with Fi’s baby If you are so sure you will marry him give the baby your own last name and you and the baby can both change your last name when you marry him. I didnt listen to her and just hypenated! 

    Post # 21
    Member
    7 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    My sister and her boyfriend had a really tough time with the last name. He wanted it his and everyone told her to give him hers. So, my nephew’s last name is hypenated. They are hoping to make a decision on his last name before he starts kindergarden because boy is that little boy’s name a mouthfull!

    Post # 22
    Member
    726 posts
    Busy bee

    My friend did. She gave the sperm donors last name to her child. Then he decided he didn’t want the responsiblity. So this poor kid has had this guys last name for 6 years of her life and he has never felt the need to see her. Now my friend has gotten married and her husband is going to legally adopt her within the next few months. This little girl is so excited, she is so happy to share a  last name with her mom and dad.

    They were young when they had her so I think they figured they would be together for the long haul. So she didn’t think he wouldn’t be there for his child.

    Post # 23
    Member
    1354 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    I gave him my ex’s last name and I REALLY REALLY REALLY regret it. We aren’t together anymore and everywhere my son is associated (school, drs, etc.) I am referred to as Mrs. (Ex’s name) and it makes my skin crawl. I thought we would get married, but it never happened and thank god for that, but GOD I wish I’d given my son my name. Even he thought he had my name. It hurt telling him that he wasn’t a ______. I told him he is still my son and a treasured member of the _____ family and it didn’t matter that his last name was different. He feels better but I still feel like poop. If you’re not married, give that baby your name!

    I wish I could change his name but his bio dad would throw a poop fit. He is still involved.

    Post # 24
    Member
    2965 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I don’t have kids, but I was born out of wedlock. I got my dad’s last name.

    Post # 25
    Member
    390 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    @MrsSl82be:  if you have a bad relationship with the dad urs. if hes a POS dad or something then urs but other than that his. 

    Post # 26
    Member
    7960 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2012

    i gave my son my last name.  i was young and even though the father wanted to get married, i was unsure about the relationship.

    Post # 27
    Member
    1225 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    His, because a. at the time, we intended to marry and b. I didn’t want my children to have any connection with the last name I had – it was my stepfather’s name and I later changed it.

    Post # 28
    Member
    603 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    My daughter has her daddy’s last name. We were living together and knew we were getting married so that was the decision maker for me. He’s always been amazing to me so even if things didn’t work out between us I think I would still have given her his last name.

    Post # 29
    Member
    1722 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I haven’t been in this situation, but I think it’s such an important thing to consider. My cousin has a 2-year old with her abusive ex; he has nothing to do with her or the baby, and they were broken up when she had the child. She still gave her daughter his name simply because “it was the right thing to do,” in her words. I think it’s important to consider the child’s relationship with the father before automatically giving him or her that man’s name; if he’s not a part of the child’s life or is a negative influence, I don’t think the child should get his name just because it’s more traditional in our society.

    Post # 30
    Member
    152 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    When my niece was born in August, she got her dad’s (my sister’s live-in boyfriend’s) last name.

    My Fiance and I were already engaged by the time I got pregnant. Even though for insurance reasons we’re holding off on getting married until after the baby’s born, I’m thinking I’ll just have the baby have FI’s last name especially since I plan on taking it myself anyway when I marry him.

    Post # 31
    Member
    221 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I was with my daughters BIO father for a month before I got pregnant (stupid I know). After that month he became abusive. When I was 3 months pregnant, he choked me and threatened to make me have a miscarriage. 

    He has a criminal record as long as my arms, 4 other kids being raised by another man that they think is their father, and is just over all no good for anyone (i found this all out throughout the course of our “relationship”) I knew she would never have a relationship with him.

    So we broke up. I didn’t see him again until she was 3 months old. Even then we had an argument about the fact I will never be with him. He didn’t give a damn about her. I actually had to point out to him “there is the child you made- do you even want to see her.”

    So she has my name and my name is the only one on her birth ceritifcate. (This has been an advantage to me since we’re getting ready to order her passport).

    Fiance and I were together before I got pregnant with her. We got back together when she was 2 months old. We remained friends during the time we were broken up. He was there for every DR appt, ultrasound, ER trip, labor, all her time in the NICU, every one of her DR appts for the past 3 years. He is the only dad she has known and probably (hopefully) the only dad she ever will know.

    When Fiance and I get married I will take his last name and we are going through the legal process to get her last name changed as well. And then when I graduate college next June we will start the full adoption process-but we are praying we can do it sooner.

    It really has to do with the relationship between the child and the father. There is no point in giving the child the fathers last name when he really will have nothing to do with the child.

    The topic ‘Last name for children out of wedlock’ is closed to new replies.

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