Post # 1
My sister hasn’t spoken to me in over a year. I’m still not sure why, but it is what it is. She didn’t come to the wedding and I haven’t heard from her about it. I do know that she made “nice” comments on some of the pictures, but I don’t know what they said (she could have commented on other people in the pictures for all I know). I was told by a mutual friend that she wasn’t sincere in the comments and was just trying to make herself look better. IDK. I emailed her yesterday thanking her for her comments and sent her the link to our wedding and honeymoon pictures. She doesn’t even acknowledge my existence, so I know she won’t acknowledge my email. But I put myself out there one last time and the ball is in her court. I don’t know what to do beyond that. :/
Post # 3
@BoiledPNut: I am sorry to hear about this. Is there the possibility she is dealing with any mental/emotional issues? My Mom’s sister had a falling out with her over something stupid, and to this day, will not acknowledge us (returns gifts, doesn’t answer the phone). We tried for a long time to try to break down that barrier but in the end, we realized, we can’t keep living like this! Unfortunately my aunt made a choice and we’re trying to live with it. I hope one day your sister will come around (is she young?), but I totally understand. The ball is in her court. I would not do anything else. 🙁
Post # 4
@love108: It’s nice, but sad, to know that other’s have gone through this. I do believe there are some emotional/mental issues going on. Every female in my family has them…we just all deal with them differently. I know that my life is much simpler without contact, but it still hurts (mostly because I’m cut out of my nieces’ lives…not fair to them to be “punished” for a grudge their mother holds). Everyone tells me she will regret all this, but I don’t think she is the type of person who really cares that much. Oh well. Thanks for your response. I do appreciate it. 🙂
Post # 5
I’m sorry you have to go through this with your sister. I’ve had similar experiences with other family members. I’ve had to learn the hard way that a relationship is a two way street. You are doing all the right things on your end. It’s up to her to contact you back and willingly be a part of your life. If this recent contact does not work out let her know that you will always be there for her, how much she means to you, and then give her time to come around. If you actively try over and over without any response you will keep getting hurt and emotionally strung along.
Post # 6
My sister and I haven’t spoken in almost seven years. I told my dad I missed having my sister in my life, and he passed the message on to her. She said she’d “think about it.” The ball’s in her court. But she’d better not ignore me and then expect me to be there if she needs a kidney or something later.
I’ve moved on with my life. I live half a country away, and I got married without her at the wedding. I won’t hold my breath that she’ll be at my college graduation, or be around when I have children. I told my husband that if we haven’t reconciled by the time we have a kid, and something happens to me, not to let her around my child. My kid won’t need someone around who clearly hated me.
Post # 7
My sister and I didn’t speak for 8 months once, despite living in the same apartment building and sharing a college course (of 20 people) where I had to see her 2x’s a week for a semester. In fact, the professor was shocked to hear we were sisters (we don’t look much alike at all) since we so completely ignored each other he just assumed we coincidentally had the same last name.
Since I was the one who stopped talking to her I am kind of on the other side of this. Basically, she did something very hurtful, but I guess she didn’t ever (even to this day) grasp how deeply hurtful it was. After 6 months, our parents PAID us to have dinner together once in an attempt to get us to talk. We ate dinner in silence, but when we had to take the same metro home we actually got into a fight (because my sister called me a bitch for stopping talking to her)–and during that I spelled out for her exactly why I wasn’t talking to her and how it had gotten to the point where I didn’t think I ever would, she’d be lucky to be invited to my wedding one day and only for my parents’ sake. It took 2 more months but I guess in that time she did a lot of thinking and my parents intervened a lot. She started calling (I’d ignore) and if we saw each other on the street she’d stop me to say hi and ask how I was, when we went home for holidays she would try to be nice. At first, like for months, I reacted icily because I didn’t trust her. It took months before I started to be nice back to her because I seriously just didn’t trust her intentions or sincereity at all. I later learned she had decided to get in touch to avoid being like my mom/aunt who have a very bad relationship. It took a long time, but we are now very close (much more so than we ever were growing up), and she is my Maid/Matron of Honor (which I NEVER thought she’d be growing up). This all happened about 6-7 years ago.
My story is a lot different from yours, but I’d say that the thing is reconciliation is slow and starts with small steps. You may have to reach out to her in small ways over an extended period of time and perhaps not take it personally if she ignores you at first–if my sister had done that we may still not be talking, and it was because I was trying to protect myself rather than hurt my sister. Whatever happens for you, good luck, and I hope it all works out!
Post # 8
@FloretteLiz: You are right. I need to just let it go because I’m hurting myself over and over again expecting her to be different “this time”.
@strawbabies: I’m getting to this same point. If there was a legitimate reason to be so hateful, it’d be one thing, but there isn’t. I do feel sorry for all the kids involved. They aren’t getting a chance to know the family for themselves….only what lies my sister feeds them.
@bearlove: She’s given me “reasons” why she’s mad, but they are all lies. I even clarified everything she accused me of to show that none of it was true. She doesn’t believe me though. Once she gets something in her head, it’s hard to change it – even if it is a bunch of lies and mistruths.
I guess what really upsets me is that I don’t want my nieces thinking I’m this horrible person when I’m not. I am missing them growing up. I’m missing out on their lives and it really hurts.