Post # 1
So, after worrying over our guest list and the size of our venue, we whittled a few people off. Now almost half of the people we have invited declined, and of course most of the ‘no’s’ came at the last minute.
We did our seating chart last night and I was a bit sad. Half of my friends said no. One entire side of my family said no (worried about who my mom will hang out with!)
Anyway, there was one set of friends that I had crossed off and now Fiance is encouraging me to ask them last minute. I think it may be too rude but I said I’d think it over.
The wedding is in less than a month. We’ve seen these friends and they are fully aware they aren’t invited…would it be acceptable to send them an email with something like:
– it’s been nice reconnecting with you lately
– some of the family we were obligated to invite have said no so
– now we have room for you if you want to come
Post # 3
I’ve been on the B-list and asked late to weddings and other social functions and I do find it rude and hurtful to be asked because there’s space now. It isn’t fun being a filler (and even if one isn’t inviting the other for that reason, it’s how I end up feeling) and a back-up plan.
Honestly, I’d rather not be invitied in round-two of invites if I wasn’t on the first list. And if I was in steady contact with the couple and knew this whole time I wasn’t invited, and then to be invited…yeah, I’d be borderline angry. But, that’s just me.
Edited to add: In the past, I’ve gone to social functions when I’ve been invited last minute, but these days, I probably would decline.
Post # 4
I would be hella offended if you said people said no so now I can come. If anything, I would say something like “it’s been so great reconnecting recently – I was making the wedding chart for our upcoming wedding and noticed you weren’t there. I’m so sorry to have left ou out – it was a guest lost oversight! With that, I’d love to extend you an inicite if you & your guest would be ale to make it. Sorry again!”
That being said just know for anyfuture events that you should never be discussing whether or not they were invited if they weren’t.
Post # 5
I would be upset for a minute, and then excited that the couple thought enough of me to extend me an invite, even if it was last minute. Dealing with my own guest list restraints, I now totally get the last minute invite scenarios. If they are your friends, they probably undertstand the guest list problems you’ve been having. I would definitely extend the invite, and if they say no, well thats their issue.
Post # 6
If I didn’t make it on the couples’ A list, then I don’t know how excited I would be to figure out what I was going to wear and buy a gift to be a B list guest. When you know you didn’t make the first cut, it seems kind of pointless to me to spend money and go. I would probably say no as one of these guests, I’d just feel like a space filler and not someone you actually wanted there.
Post # 7
they will know they were on the B list, maybe even think C list since its so late and an email may even make me think D list, your wedding is in 22 DAYS!!! most people get invites 2 months in advance!!!!
I would not go if i got an invite right before a couples wedding
if you do decide to invite them the “reconecting” is the best way to put it, as long as you really have been reconnecting!
Post # 8
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
I had a very similar situation, and sent this e-mail to a couple. They can’t make it (booked a vacation), but I feel better that I asked- looking back, I should have invited them earlier, but I’d read too many “horror stories” on WB about over inviting:
“Hi! As you know, Mike and my’s big day is coming up- Friday July 13th. Due to our budget (my being unemployed put a damper on things), we had to keep our numbers down. We limited the number of invites each family had and the number of friends we could invite. I’ve had family decline, so I’m able to invite a few more friends. I would love it if you two would be able to join us- it would great to celebrate this with you. I know this is short notice, but I wanted to extend the invite to you both, and I hope that you can attend.
Post # 9
IMO if you were trying to lie to them about it, like “Oh, your invite must have been lost in the mail!” it would be rude. But if you’re honest with them, especially if they’ve recently planned their own wedding, they will likely understand.
Post # 10
Thanks everyone for the feedback.
We really have reconnected lately though I wouldn’t say we were close friends. She is someone that I have known for many years but more on a professional level and recently we got together a couple of times for visits. I didn’t specifically say, you are not invited, but I think it is obvious when they ask how is the wedding planning going and I don’t mention I hope you can come, the signal is that you are not invited. I would definitely not want to lie about it.
@rebwana, I like the way you worded it.
I think I would be hurt to be on someone’s last minute list but I am pretty sensitive and Fiance said I was just being stubborn…
Post # 11
@rebwana: I like this wording better than saying “now we have room for you if you want to come.” I think it’s totally okay to blame family obligations as the reason these friends weren’t in the first round of invites – but I don’t like the wording of “if you want to come.” IMO, you have to be more flattering to them and expressive of YOUR desire to have them there. Saying “if you want to come” makes it sound like you think you’re doing them a favor by allowing them to come; you should be making them feel like you’d be honored if they attended & shared your day with you.
Post # 12
I personally would send out invites….in the mail….22 days is short notice……but at least a personal invitation and not an email will feel much nicer to the B list guests….
I would have personally done this sooner….
Post # 13
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
I was a B-list invite (month before, I think) to a friend’s wedding, and it was worded similar to the e-mail I sent. I wasn’t offended at all- “I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you better these past few months, and I’d love it if you could celebrate with us.”
Post # 14
Yes, I find the entire concept of a last-minute invitation rude and offensive, and I would decline. To me, if I wasn’t important enough to make the list the first time around, my presence isn’t much anticipated or even expected — but my gift might be.
Also, these people already know they aren’t invited, so they wouldn’t expect to be at this point (22 days out). As nice as it seems on the surface to invite “new” friends, it’s an inconvenience at best to attend a wedding with such short notice.
I say, accept their well-wishes when they extend them, and refrain from gushing about the day in front of them. Other than that, continue to explore the friendship and its future, without the added pressure of inviting them to your wedding.
Post # 15
A friend of mine from high school got married in February, and I guess I was like Q-list because the weekend before the wedding, he sent another one of our friends and asked her to take me as her date. I know they were on a budget so I didn’t care, I was just excited that I would be able to celebrate with them, and the wedding was really fun! So I guess some people would be “offended”, but others might just be excited that you’re able to include them.
Post # 16
hmm, I guess it is hard to tell. I’d better make up my mind soon!
I don’t have any invitations left so it would have to be an email. My mother is now also requesting that I invite two of her cousins…