Post # 1
My husband and I eloped 4.5 years ago, but failed to announce the wedding to our families and friends. We thought it’d be romantic to have a secret ceremony. Plus, we were both in school at the time and working full-time. We just didn’t see how we could afford a formal ceremony, and didn’t think about the long-term consequences. Since elopement is a breach of etiquette in itself, then I must have really broken all the rules by not announcing our marriage immediately or within a year or so.
My question is: what should we do now?
– Announce the wedding 4 years late?
– Have a renewal of vows ceremony?
– Re-elope and actually announce the wedding this time (joking)
– Any ideas?
Overall, I’m quite disappointed in myself for not thinking the elopement through. My family won’t be thrilled about how my husband and I got married, but they won’t be devastated either. I would like to have a ceremony in some respects, but I wouldn’t want our families and friends to incur any expense to attend a faux wedding. I’m stuck with a tacky situation. Is there any way I can fix this?
Any input is greatly appreciated!! Since I haven’t told my family and friends, I’ve really pigeon-holed myself on this one.
Post # 3
1: an elopement in an of itself is not tacky nor a breach of etiquette. It’s a marriage.
2: If you want to have a vow renewal ceremony with your family, go for it. If you’d rather not, send announcements with an explanation as to why it took 4.5 years. Maybe a “sorry we’re late, but we want you to know that we’re very happily married.” If you could combine it with a change of address card, I think you’re golden :-).
Have you really not told your family in 4.5 years? I’m amazed at your ability to keep something to yourself! I thought a week was hard!
Post # 4
Do you have any other announcements to make, like a new house or anything? One option could be to host an “open house” of sorts. Then you could have a nice party/get together with your family and friends to celebrate your (belated) wedding announcement and another life event.
Or, if this is the only big thing to announce, you could do a cutesy announcement that kind of mocks the delay, i.e. “Better late then never, for the past four years we’ve been a missus and a mister” (I could do better with more time, but hopefully this gives you some ideas!).
Post # 6
This is a tough thing. Part of me says Vow Renewal – but that would really discounting the 4.5 years you HAVE been happily married.
Sigh… this one is too tough for my shoes.
Post # 7
I’m gonna toss my comment out, then hold my breath and hope it doesn’t sound completly insane to you.
Since I have heard a lot of couples now a days having a civil ceremony now then a big wedding later…why not call it a celebration of your marriage. Then invite all those who you would have wanted to but didn’t have the time and resources. It’s your public announcement to your friends and family of the love you two share. Just because you have been married doesn’t mean you can’t invite people to celebrate it with you. My suggestion is also to do it on the date you married the first time around if at all possible.
(Holding my breath)
Post # 8
Thanks for everyone’s input. It’s so nice to finally get some feedback on this issue.
There’s no good answer it seems, but I like the idea of a celebration of our marriage. It’s honest and allows us “come out” to our families. Our 5-year anniversary will be July 5, 2010, so I could make that work.
I’ll keep everyone posted so people can learn from my mistake on this one 🙂 More advice and comments are always welcome.
Post # 9
I love the vow renewal on or near your 5 year anniversary.
Post # 10
Do you have a desire to have a wedding or party with everyone present? If you do, you could pretend like that is your actual wedding, and never tell anyone that you had been married for 5 years before then. It wouldn’t ruffle the family’s feathers (what they don’t know wont hurt them) and you will still have your romantic elopement secret.
Post # 11
That is an amazing story! I think the 5 year anniversary would be the best way to go- I don’t think your family and friends would be mad, maybe a little surprised, but it’s better late than never- you stil have the right to celebrate, it will be like ‘surprise! we’re actually already married but we’re ready to celebrate now!!’
Goodluck with whatever you choose
Post # 12
@canteloupe: I’m not trying to sound rude but it sounds to me like you regret the elopement and wish you would have had an actual wedding and showers, etc. and this sounds like a way to get presents and/or money without coming out and saying it.
Post # 13
People should understand that if you do not have a traditional wedding then you are opting out of all the festivities that come along with it. Sorry but that’s just how it works.
Post # 14
My husband and I had an “elopement” on the beach just the two of us with the preacher and the photographer – that doesn’t make us any less married it just means that we opted out of all the wedding festivites and spending $28,000 on a wedding. And we certainly did not ASK for gifts either. People just gave us gifts – we did not even make a registry anywhere – we sent out announcements after we were married and people responded. Have a vow-renewal?
Post # 15
I would have a renewal!!!
Post # 16
Man 4.5 years is a long time for marriage to never come up in convorsation so no matter what there are going to be people that may be upset. But I think a vow renual is the best way to go that way your families can feel like they are a part of it. At least this time.