(Closed) Late Grandmothers Advice:Plan For A Marriage, never plan for just a wedding!

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
436 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Good advice!!!

Post # 4
Member
2790 posts
Sugar bee

I actually disagree. First of all who are you to judge what length of time is appropriate for someone to get married? Since I have been dating my SO for three years does that make me less capable of knowing that we are right for one another and that I want to marry him. There are plenty of bees on here who dated their so for much less than 2 years and are getting married so I would be careful who you are throwing judgments at.

Second of all – I understand that you do not always feel immediately happy for someone when they become engaged, because I am a waiting bee and it is hard. Although you do not get to continue to feel anger towards someone who had no idea that the two of you were planning to get engaged. Are they supposed to put their lives on hold because their older brother is comfortable with his situation and he hasn’t proposed yet? Why should they be made to wait upon their happiness and starting their life together when you are not ready to start yours yet?

I get waiting. It sucks. Sometimes I want to pull my hair out but I find it incredibly demeaning for you to say that you are more worthy of getting married than someone else. Who gave you the right to decide when marriage is right for someone else?

Post # 6
Member
2790 posts
Sugar bee

@deadlineinmind: I just feel that by saying  “it is okay to NOT feel happy for someone else because they rushed into a marital bond that you know you deserve above them, but be very proud of the fact that you have been planning for a marriage and not just a wedding!”

You are saying that you deserve happiness above all others who have dated for less time than you, that your relationship is better than the others and that everyone who has dated for less time than you have allotted for the appropriate amount of dating time should wait because you feel that you should come before them. I find that incredibly condescending.

Post # 7
Member
232 posts
Helper bee

While I believe you have some solid advice here.  That people shouldn’t be rushing their relationship to plan the wedding, but instead build on their relationship to create a solid marriage.  I totally agree with that.

However, I have to agree with MsBrooklynA in that you can’t judge people for the length of their courtship.  I’m a waiting bee, my Boyfriend or Best Friend and I have been together for 8 months.  Yes, we have only known each other for 8 months.  But we have both spent YEARS dating other people and finding what it was we needed in a future partner.  We believe that we are old enough to know that what we want in forever is each other.  My own parents were only dating for about a year before getting engaged, and they’ve been married for 31 years.  Plus, they have THE BEST relationship I have EVER seen.

Post # 8
Member
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

@deadlineinmind:And this is why – you will make your marriage last forvever – while those who rushed around you will end in divorce.”

Yikes!

Post # 9
Member
2790 posts
Sugar bee

Why did you delete your post?

Post # 11
Member
2790 posts
Sugar bee

@michkarose: I think she may have felt we were harsh on her so she deleted her post to avoid more comments.

Post # 12
Member
232 posts
Helper bee

It’s ok to speak your mind, I didn’t think that anyone was angry at you for having an opinion.  I’d actually prefer it if people would voice their sides of the issue and see if there is some point to agree upon.  We all come from different walks of life and I don’t think anyone meant to judge you.

The topic ‘Late Grandmothers Advice:Plan For A Marriage, never plan for just a wedding!’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors