- 5 years ago
Lately I have been feeling unfulfilled and it is making me sad.
This is kind of a spur of the moment vent, so forgive me if it is hard to follow…
I love my SO and believe he has a great heart and good intentions. I have posted on this forum about how he is all over the place and hard to follow. He always has a million ideas at once. There is no sequence to things, I feel sometimes that I am filling up on hope for a future with him …but do not have any solid indication that we are building one together, because he is talking more than doing. I have also posted about his totally carefree attitude about me going out with someone of the opposite sex and how it almost feels like indifference.
I feel like after a year of being together we should at least seriously discuss living together/the next step. We bounce the idea around, generally only after I bring it up, but no definitive plan. One week he will mention me moving in or him moving to my place, but it is all sort of casual conversation, if that makes sense. It just has no validity. He has said, many times, that he wants to marry me but more so in the early honeymoon phase (first 6 months). The topic comes up way less now, generally I bring it up, although has has once or twice.
Hard to admit, but I also find myself liking attention from another man and I believe it has something to do with the lack of attention from SO. SO and I have sex probably once every 2 weeks and I initiate 90% of the time. He claims he is just busy and his mind is elsewhere, that he is extremely attracted to me and it is not me, but it makes me feel bad anyway. I told him recently that I would like to have sex at least twice a week if possible… so we will see if he starts trying more.
The other guy is someone I met randomly at a work function. We grab lunch (with a group of people) about once a week. He recently confessed that he is extremely attracted to me and would love to date me. He is recently separated and comes with his own set of baggage. I told him it isn’t appropriate to discuss because I am taken, but yet I leave and I find myself wanting to see more of him. I think I just like the attention, as completely pathetic as that sounds. It feels good to be wanted.
I just don’t understand why the sudden lack of interest in sex for my SO? He used to be much more interested early on. It doesn’t seem normal to me, but I guess everyone has different sex drives.
I don’t know if this is just normal ebb and flow of a healthy relationship and I am overanalyzing, or if there is an issue. When I bring up how I feel to him he seems confused as to why I would even feel the way I do, like there is totally nothing wrong. Yet I feel there is something wrong, sometimes I feel it more strongly than others. So confused.
Anyone been there before and have words of wisdom?