(Closed) Latest venue dilemma. . . my parents and their WEIRD opinions :(

posted 7 years ago in Venue
  • poll: Another venue dilemma. . . please read my post before voting!

    Wedding on historical museum grounds

    Wedding at old farm with renovated reception barn (can you explain why you picked this option?)

    I like polls and have other suggestions (please elaborate)

  • Post # 18
    Member
    1299 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    Definitely have it where you love the most!  My parents were pushing for somewhere closer to New York, but I’m going to be moving up to Boston soon (FI already lives there) and we don’t want the hassle of traveling several hours every time we need to do wedding planning. We stayed firm and are having our wedding at the absolute perfect location for us.  The thing about museums is ridiculous – I’m sure they were just trying to come up with any random reason. I think once you tell them you picked the venue and signed the contract, they’ll get on board because they’ll realize they can’t control the wedding.

    Post # 19
    Member
    553 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    Is a location closer to them more convenient for JUST them, or is it closer to most of your guests? If so, it can’t hurt to go LOOK at their venue and then discuss your money concerns with them. You could also ask them if they’d be willing to come tour the museum with you and walk around and share your vision. Having fewer vendors to coordinate will lead to less stress for you leading up to and on your wedding day. 

    Post # 21
    Member
    772 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013 - Dalhousie Castle

    It’s your wedding and if you love the museam grounds then go for it. Your parents will come around. I would just check that the price of the marquis tent won’t drive up to cost so much it’s no longer a good deal. They can be really expensive. 

    Just remember, you are never going to be able to please everyone so in the end you have to do what you want for YOUR special day. Your parents will come even if they have to drive a bit further! 

     

    Post # 22
    Member
    3770 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: December 1999

    I would do what you and your Fiance want. And until there is cash in hand, I tried not to plan anything according what others where going to give us.

    Post # 23
    Member
    772 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013 - Dalhousie Castle

    Ok question? Could you not hold your reception in the schoolhouse since it’s such a prominant feature of the mueseum? If that were possible it could save you the price of the tent. 

    Post # 24
    Member
    3038 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    We had my parents involved in the search for our venue and it almost ended up a complete disaster, don’t let them push you into something you don’t feel comfortable with. So, pick the location that means something to you and then your parents will have to learn to live with it.

    And I’m saying this as someone who love rustic farms!

    Post # 25
    Member
    183 posts
    Blushing bee

    @Creiddylad:  It sounds to me like you should thank your parents for their offer but go with your original venue plan.  YOU and your FIANCE seem to like this option better in the first place, AND if I were in your position I’m not sure I’d want to involve my parents financially, if they were being this difficult 

    You don’t say if they’re contributing toward other aspects of the wedding.  If they are, then you should probably take their thoughts into consideration (which it sounds like you are).  This is not to say that what they say/think should be the end all be all.  This is your wedding and if you are paying for it, it’s up to you and your fiance to decide what you want to do.

    I know in my case my parents are SO GENEROUSLY contributing quite a bit to our wedding.  However, when they originally offered to help us, they insisted that there were no strings attached.  12 months into the planning process, it has become abundantly clear that that’s not exactly true, lol. 

    It would be one thing for them to contribute to help you do something you wanted to do, but they’re using this money as a manipulation tactic.  I’m sure your parents are lovely people but none of us are above trying to get what we want once in awhile πŸ˜‰ We’re all human.

    Post # 26
    Member
    265 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2015 - Powel Crosley Estate, Sarasota, FL

    When it comes down to it, it is YOUR wedding and the day should be about what YOU want. Go with what your heart tells you, and tell mom and dad, “Thank you for your opinon, but we really love this venue and we think it is best for us.”

    One of the hardest things about wedding planning (in my short expereince!) is telling family that you are making the decisions. πŸ™‚

    Good luck and keep us posted on what you decide!

    Post # 28
    Member
    265 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2015 - Powel Crosley Estate, Sarasota, FL

    View original reply
    @Creiddylad:  I think so! πŸ™‚ It’s especially important with a day as big and as personal as your wedding.

    Post # 29
    Member
    512 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    View original reply
    @Creiddylad:  Go with the venue you love and feel connected to.  If I understand correctly, if you choose that one then you’ll be paying for it by yourselves without contribution from you parents.  This means that while they are entitled to their opinions, they have no sway in the situation because they aren’t paying for it – YOU are.  

    It’s like a win/win situation.  Your preferred venue with no interferance.  That right there is all I would need to be confident in my decision of the museum/historical grounds.       

    Post # 30
    Member
    1230 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    I picked the museum grounds because through everything you wrote, I can tell that’s what you really want deep down. I get that it is hard and you want your parents to be happy. But it is your day. You should be getting married where you want to get married.

    P.S. We are getting married IN a museum πŸ™‚

    Good luck!

    Post # 31
    Member
    553 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    View original reply
    @Creiddylad:  I totally understand the resentment, and I’m a pretty firm proponent of doing what YOU want…I just know that I had my mind made up about certain things, and then people pointed things out that I just hadn’t considered. (FMIL being one of them! But everyone’s being nice and low pressure…so I’m not sure that I can relate to your situation.) 

    If you feel like you’re able to get enough distance, it sure can’t hurt to visit your parents’ pick and find out what ALL of their rationales are. If it’s just that it’s closer to them…well, that’s kind of silly/selfish. If they’re factoring in things that hadn’t made it to your list yet, then there may be more value in the other one. Don’t forget to consider the value of your time/sanity with the DIY component. If the museum is more DIY, they may be wanting to guard your/their time/energy to truly celebrate.

    Either way, you’re going to have a lovely wedding. πŸ˜€ I used to shoot weddings in New England. I’m kind of dying to find out what your venues are, and if they’re anywhere I’ve ever photographed at before. πŸ˜€ 

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