Post # 1
One of my friend’s is turning 30 next month, and her husband told us a few months ago to save the date for a surprise birthday party for her. This all sounded good. However, the party is this weekend and my other friends and I realized we had no details about the party itself. Upon asking the husband, he basically asked us to plan the party. And asked us to go in on a really expensive gift for his wife.
I was pretty put off by this. I was already planning to attend the party and bring an appetizer to share. I told the husband I was too busy to help out with any else this week (and did not want to financially commit myself to buying decorations, etc.) He’s now trying to assign people specific food to bring (somewhat complex) and specific tasks for the party (aka can you think up decorations).
Is it horribly rude to tell him I think it’s his responsibility to take care of all of this?
My husband and I threw a 30th birthday party for me last summer and we provided all of the food, alcohol and entertainment for the party (and did all the setup, clean up).
Post # 3
So one of my friend’s boyfriends ended up in the hospital with a staph infection a few years ago. My friend took care of him for like a month. When he got out, he called me and asked me to throw a party for her – invite all of her friends, catering, buy a few bottles of nice liquor, everyone gives a toast to say how awesome she is, and everyone brings a gift card or a gift (he specifically suggested that someone buy her the Fendi bag she’s had her eye on) to celebrate her being awesome and “saving his life”.
I told him that I understand that his Girlfriend is awesome but I wouldn’t feel comfortable hosting this kind of party, and I don’t have the resources, but he persisted. So I gave him a date and a time, and showed up with another friend to her house with a bottle of wine and a get well card for him. She was thrilled that we thought of her, and he sent me pissed off text messages for a week afterward about how that wasn’t what we’d discussed.
Long story short: if this guy thinks he can pawn his wife’s 30th off on you, do what you want to celebrate with her and I’m sure she’ll appreciate it. Show up, make a fancy cocktail in cute glasses, then go out somewhere swanky for another drink. He can come if he wants. If he’s not going to put in the effort, he doesn’t get the return.
Post # 4
I agree, I would be put-off by the last minute throwing together of this party. It would be different had he initiated/asked for the help from day one, but he is a guy, and they just tend to procrastinate on stuff like this.
Although there could be a plethora of reasons as to why (low finances, for one), I would try to remember that this is a party for your friend, and regardless, the goal is to make it as fun for her as possible. So, I would just let him know what you CAN do, and leave it at that 🙂
Post # 5
OP it’s definitely not your responsibility. I’d tell the husband exactly what I thought: That you said save the date for the party. No where did you ask me to help plan and throw it. Sorry, I can show up and bring an app, but I don’t have any time this week to actually throw it.
Post # 6
OMG, how douchey and CHEAP!!!! He should be the one hosting and footing the bill!! Totally agree with PP that you should contribute what you want, aka, bring appetizers and a little gift for her but not contribute to a large expensive gift for her. It’s HIS responsibility to spoil her. Not yours. I’d send an email back using reply all referring him to Pinterest for ideas.
Post # 7
@missporkchops: Pinterest is a fantastic place for ideas, but the part I left out was that the husband did refer us to a Pinterest board my friend created with wish list items for her 30th birthday. We all assumed this was for her husband because the majority of things on the board are $200+! I love my friend dearly, but no way am I buying her a Coach purse for her birthday.
Post # 8
I would be SO upset if my husband did this to my friends. In my opinion when you get older you husband or you yourself should plan the parties. Friends can take you out to lunch or dinner, but it’s rude to expect friends to throw you elaborate parties.
If I were you, I’d tell him you already bought your friend a gift and had plans earlier in the day of the party, so you can’t plan the party for him.
Post # 9
Ugh, this is exactly why men are never in charge of these kinds of things…
Post # 10
@Ellegee: OMG that is NUTS!!
Post # 11
@Ellegee: Please tell me she’s not still dating him…
@sal5011: Your awesome 30th might have inspired him to suggest a surprise birthday…and then he might have flopped and forgotten, or not known what to do. Tell him it’s his responsibility and he should’ve asked earlier if he needed help…but I’d prepare others to express the same sentiments, or it’ll fall on deaf ears.