(Closed) LD engagement straining relationship…what would you do?

posted 8 years ago in Long Distance Relationships
Post # 3
Member
651 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’m long distance with my SO too, so I know the feeling of being disconnected.  We’ve been distance for almost 6.5 years at this point and he’s finally moving here in June.  Honestly, if you know that it’s going to be over soon then I would just hang tight.  5 months will honestly fly by.  Keep busy with your job, friends, a hobby to keep your mind of things.

You can still spend quality time even if you are long distance.  Make “phone dates” and watch a movie or a show you both like together.  My SO and I bought the game Battleship used to play it over the phone.  Use skype, IM, webcam…etc.  Before you know it it will be the end of the distance!

Post # 4
Member
1079 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

What is changing in 5-6 months that you’ll be living together? We’ve been long distance for 6 years. It’s a struggle. But, I think if you give up your job you’re going to be (1) resentful for leaving everything to live with him,  (2) dependent because you’ll be there without a job, friends, etc., and (3) bored without anything to do other than play housewife (I am NOT knocking housewives, but it can be a problem if you have no connections/activities outside the home because you’re in a new place). You have 6 months to grow as an independent person – you say your thing quality time, but try to develop another side of you. Also, make time for phone conversations – long distance forces you to develop your communication skills.

Post # 5
Member
474 posts
Helper bee

I know there are a lot of other bees who are in similar situations and have, in the past, provided some really great suggestions for having more time “together”. Have you tried video chatting, or watching  favorite tv shows while on the phone together? I have also heard of people writing in a journal and sending it to their SO to read it and contin

I know that when we spend time together (and we have been LD for 4 years) we try to make it OUR time and no one elses. We get exclusive rights to each other for those weekends. Spend time exploring the place where you will be living when the LD is over and just enjoy those times you do get to spend together.ue it and send it back every few days/ weeks.

 

Hope This Helps

Post # 6
Member
928 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

My Fiance and I started our relationship LD because I was in school at Ole Miss (and still am, 6 yr plan ha) and he is an officer in the army. He has now been at 2 different posts, both 8-10 hrs away so it’s not like we could ever hop in the car and drive up anytime we wanted.

We have lived together in the middle of our relationship when I transfered schools to be closer to him and now he has deployed and I am back at Ole Miss. We dealt and are dealing with allllll the same issues that you are, so know that you are not alone!!

It’s SOOOOOO hard being in a LD relationship, especially one where you’re more than just a few hours away. Let me just say that before I moved to be closer, we did everything we could to see each other as frequent as possible and although it was every few weeks or once a month, we cherished each moment along with hating it at the same time. IT SUCKS!!

I decided to transfer schools and although I don’t regret it, I wasn’t completely happy. I LOVED being with him ALL the time and having a normal relationship but schoolwise, I hated it. Then deployment came up after a semester of living with him and we decided that it would be the best for me to go back to Ole Miss and back to LD, even though he still had a few months that we could be together. It was so hard to leave him and go back but I knew and still know that it was the best decision I could make and I love how he supported me and told me to go. Having his support was probably the only way I could have done it and he more than gave it.

Now he’s deployed and we talk maybe once a week and I get a few sporatic texts or messages online. It sucks so bad and I hate it but it’s brought us closer and made our bond tighter. We realize even more what we have with each other and don’t take a single moment for granted.

From telling you my story, I guess I’m trying to tell you that it’s going to be ok and if you really love each other (and obviously so, you’re getting married!!) you want to make it work and will make it work. It’s gets very stressful and frustrating and that’s ok, it’s nothing bad but you just have to work through and keep moving forward. He’s worth it. I’ve gone 5 months today without seeing him and talking to him once a week and we’re still going 🙂

My solution to you is probably just keep doing what you’re doing, there’s really not more you can do. Try emailing more, like even if it’s a hey I love you or tell him about your day. Send him cards and letters, so sweet and so fun! I’m now OBSESSED with sending cards, from lovey dovey to sexy naughty to funny and he loves getting them. If you’re comfortable, send him sexy or naughty pictures or just take pics of you doing daily things! Text. May sound silly but send love packages; fill it with his fav candy or snacks, a stuffed animal, a shirt with your perfume on it, pics, movies, etc. Just a little way to reach out, make it personal and tangible for him. Do you have webcams? If you don’t, omg you HAVE to get them (and you can get them cheap, like $40 cheap!) and get on skype. Totally freee service for webcam to webcam and you can see each other and chat, BEST thing ever, let me tell you!

Another thing that you will look back on in retrospect and be thankful for (silver lining for LDers) is that you had the chance to focus more on you and your goals and dreams and wants/needs. Not that you shouldn’t put time and effort into the “us” but sometimes, you can let yourself fall to the wayside while you put everything into the “us”. It will ultimately make you stronger as you build your lives together. Now as I’m saying this, I’m living it and believe me it’s not easy and it’s taken months for any headway because I just plain out miss him but at the same time, I know that it’s a good thing.

 Another thing I do is talk to someone. I go to counseling maybe once a week and I’m proud of it because I have someone completely foreign to us that can talk to me and help look at things and work me through it. There’s nothing wrong with it and believe me, it’s really helped. It can get super overwhelming and frustrating dealing with this stuff but you have to remember to take care of yourself and remember why you’re doing this.

Just hang in there, it’s going to be ok and as far as what to do, weigh out the pros and cons and just talk about it with him, pray. If you feel like you can’t wait 5 or 6 more months then go. You can always find a job doing something. Maybe not like yours or what you want/deserve, but they’re there. Honestly, I would tell you to wait and stay where you are. Like I said, I don’t regret transfereing and moving and I’m sure you wouldn’t either but is it really the best thing?

With the engagement, you can stay connected by taking lots of planning pics and forwarding him vendor contracts/emails. That’s what I do. For the big planning sessions/vendor meetings, arrange for him to come for the weekend. Get his input. OMG you should so do engagement pics!! We are on the 2 yr 2 month engagement plan due to the deployment and we decided to play up the engagement big and we did pics and it was great! You can research and find good deals.

Well, this is a novel lol, so sorry for that, but I really hope this helps!! Lots of *hugs* and please, please pm if you need a friend!!

Post # 7
Member
928 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

OMG and I meant to add, get a hobby, volunteer, go out more with friends, have something to look forward to every few weeks, and work out!!!

The topic ‘LD engagement straining relationship…what would you do?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors