- 5 years ago
Some background – My boyfriend and I have been dating a year. We met through a mutual friend last summer and have been dating long distance ever since. I’m 31 and he’s 33. He lives in Chicago and I live in NYC. We see each other anywhere from a once to three times a month. When we see each other is based completely on his work schedule (he’s a pilot) but we’ve managed to spend a lot of time together considering the distance. I’m an independent, busy person so generally I’m fine with a LDR but I’ll admit in the past year I’ve broken down and sobbed a few times because I’ve really missed him. I really don’t understand how people do this for years, not seeing each other for months.
We probably would have just continued this way for a while but he’s starting a new job in August that takes him to Dallas for a couple of months and then to Oakland, CA. He’ll most likely stay with this airline, in this location, for the foreseeable future. He’s said that he would love for me to live with him but that it’s obviously my decision whether to move. He doesn’t want me to move just for him and be miserable. I have family, friends and a job in NYC but I’m not opposed to moving. I had actually been thinking about moving to CA before I even met him. But I’m scared. I’m scared of change and not finding a new job and not having friends. I’ve lived in the NYC area my entire life. Even if I do move in or live in the same city, he’ll be gone for work for days at a time.
But I consider the alternative and it makes me feel more scared and miserable. As it is I won’t see him for months while he’s training. Even after that we’d only be able to see each other at best once a month or two. Everything in my heart and head is telling me to move. I’m at a bit of a dead end in my current job and this would be a great opportunity to start something new and exciting. I guess the only thing I’m worried about is the move itself. Also in the past I told myself I wouldn’t move in with someone until I was engaged. I could, of course, move out there and not live with him right away. Is it too soon to get up and move to be with a man I’ve been dating for a year? Sorry for rambling. I guess I’m just looking for some perspective on all of this. I’ve discussed this with my mom and a few friends but I could use some more advice.