(Closed) LDR Bees: how do I deal with the lack of intimacy?

posted 7 years ago in Long Distance Relationships
Post # 3
Member
515 posts
Busy bee

I have no advice for you, but it definitely sucks. I’ve got a little less than a year to go, haha.

How long has he been gone? I’ve noticed that (strangely) the ‘urge’ has decreased as the weeks have gone by.

Post # 4
Member
9482 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

@ladyartichoke:  I wish I had advice.  FI refused to “sext” or Skype.   He said he thought of me better than that.  I have no idea, but I think he felt awkward.  Haha.  I understand though.  I wish you the best of luck. I hope you can convince him otherwise. 

Post # 6
Member
995 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@ladyartichoke:  Okay–obv I don’t know your relationship and I could be wrong–but even if he has a hectic work schedule, it is a red flag tha you were only doing it once a month—-I mean if you had been married for 20 years and had 4 kids I could see the sex slippinig-but before? idk

When my fiance was training for his career, he worked 84 hours a week, 7 days a week–for 6 months—and we had sex almost every night–not saying that I wouldn’t understand if he was tired–but if we weren’t having sex that time would have been unbearable!

Everyone has different levels of sexual desire, it’s normal for some people to not want it that often–but it sounds like this is something that you should deal with before it gets out of hand—maybe you could do some sort of long distance counseling–I know that many relationship counselors would be willing to have sessions where one party is on skype–that will bring you closer and bring him out of shell AND it will help deal with the intimacy problems that are caused by distance–and then when you two are actually physically together, it will already be established that it is important to make time for sex

Post # 8
Member
366 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Hmm. So he won’t Skype of phone sex but what about text messages? Sometimes it is easier to ease into the long distance sex stuff when you can type it out instead of having to verbalize it. Of course either way long distance sucks. But it is kind of fun to think of dirty things to text your SO when you know they will be unable to act on it like when they are at work, and then it builds the tension so when he is home maybe he will be more into it.

Post # 10
Member
77 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@ladyartichoke:  I was in a LDR for 1.5 years where we saw each other every 2-3 months. I am not a novice when it comes to self pleasure, but it was not enough when it came to needing the intimacy. Like you, I found myself getting snarky with others. I tended to solve the problem with cake… red velvet, to be exact. Unfortunately, it led to a huge weight gain that I’m now fighting to lose before the Big Day.

My advice: Get to the gym or find a new hobby to take your mind off it.

Best of luck!!!

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