(Closed) LDR for at least 10+ more years with kids involved on both ends

posted 6 years ago in Long Distance Relationships
  • poll: Stay for the long haul or move on?
    Stay for the Long Haul! : (1 votes)
    8 %
    Move On! : (11 votes)
    92 %
  • Post # 3
    120 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    Ok. I gotta bring the hard truth. Its been on and off again because you really aren’t meant to be. Waiting for him is keeping you from who you are really meant to be with. Life is short. At least entertain the glances of other men, pursue other relationships, and if you are single at 50, then give this other guy a chance. Do you really thing he’s not sleeping with anyone else while you are spending all this time apart.

    If I sound jaded….well, its because I am. I was in a LDR for almost 2 yrs. I did learn a lot from that experience, but I wouldn’t do it again. I later realized that we really weren’t the ones for each other – and thats why we could be apart for so long.

    Post # 5
    2622 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I think it depends on what you really want. For some people, this is enough, for many others its not. Its not about wether it is “worth it” but whether this is enough for you. Also, think about the fact that you may be loving the distance to a degree. There isnt someone to work your schedule around, someone else to take care of. If the time comes in 13 years to move together, do you think you could do it and be happy?

    Are you honestly “biding your time until you can be together” or enjoying the current circumstances? 

    Post # 6
    368 posts
    Helper bee

    I think it’s great that you both have good relationships with your exes and are putting your kids’ needs first. However, I don’t think that a long-term relationship in which you see someone once a month is going to fulfill you, especially as your kids get older and are less dependent on you and you have more time to focus on yourself. It sounds like you and your man are putting everyone else’s needs ahead of your own. That is natural for a parent, of course, but it complicates things.

    I know everyone has unique circumstances, but I feel like, if the two of you really wanted and needed to be together, you could find some way to make that work for you and your families. That might mean altering your custody agreements, and I know that would be hard – but again, if this was something you really wanted, you could do it. However, if neither of you can work out a way to move away from your kids and/or exes, then I think you could be much happier in a relationship with someone who can spend time with you frequently and be a part of your family. 10-12 years of a once-a-month relationship seems unnecessarily painful to me.

    If it truly works for you, then that’s fine. However, I don’t think you’d be posting on a message board if you were 100% okay with the decade-long LDR. If you think you need more out of a relationship than this, then it’s okay to break it off. He should understand, as he is also focused on his family’s needs.

    The topic ‘LDR for at least 10+ more years with kids involved on both ends’ is closed to new replies.

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