(Closed) LDR Killing Relationship?

posted 5 years ago in Long Distance Relationships
Post # 2
3535 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

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hmeyer15:  Biologically, after dating someone for 12-18 months, our body stops over producing the “in love” chemicals.  I can tell you though, what I’m left with in regards to my relationship, is a deep bond, a connection that I can’t explain.  Over the last 6 months (we’ve been together 18 months), we have moved in together, bought a house, gotten engaged, and become more and more comfortable around the house with each other… but I still find him incredibly attractive and there is no one in the world I would rather be with.

Part of this sounds like it may just be your age and not really knowing what is “normal” for you during the progression of a relationship (it’s really taken me until recently to know this and I’m 33!).  In my opinion (after only reading a couple paragraphs about your relatioship) sounds like the relationship may have run its course, and at your age there is nothing wrong with that!  Regardless of what happens, as long as you don’t “force” anything, it will fall into place… I can promise you that 🙂

Post # 3
2762 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I’ll tell you something an older man once told me when I was about your age and my then boyfriend used to blame my mood swings and emotionality on my menstruated cycle. That older man said “if your boyfriend doesn’t want to deal with ‘that shit ‘ the solution is really very simple: tell him to start dating men.” 

:). Don’t fall for that crap. Your emotional wants and needs are important and it’s best to choose to be with someone who feels that way too.


Post # 4
157 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

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hmeyer15:  I agree with PP that this is normal in the life cycle in all relationships, even non-romantic ones. My Fiance and I were long distance for over three years and definitely had communication problems during that time. Sometimes texting just isn’t enough, and it doesn’t help you get your feelings across, and sometimes at the end of the day it’s hard to be on the phone for two hours actively conversing. However, the fact that you said you cannot see yourself without him makes me think you should give this some time and effort before you throw in the towel.

I also agree with PP that part of this sounds like your age — 21 and in undergrad is a far cry from 27 and in grad school, and I don’t mean that in a disparaging way 🙂 People at different points in their lives just tend to have different priorities and it sounds like that is the case here. But it’s all worth it if you can find out how to make those priorities align so you’re both happy. You’re at a point in your relationship where give and take is important and learning that not every battle needs to be fought is necessary and appropriate.

As for your Boyfriend or Best Friend blaming your emotions on your period, I’m pretty sure every guy has done this to a woman at some point in his life. It doesn’t make it okay; he is invalidating your feelings by doing so and you should let him know that how you feel isn’t really what needs to be discussed/argued, it’s about how he reacts and how you react to him. 

Best of luck. 🙂

Post # 5
836 posts
Busy bee

He seems like he is looking for ways to get you to be pissed off at him. Where he keeps asking if you are trying to start something, or when he is taking what you say too far and just running with it. I think he needs to either get with the program and see that you’re just communicating, and not playing a game, or he needs to get out.


I know you say you don’t want to break up, but he is disrespectful and sounds lazy with your relationship. And this is really tough love and I apologize, but you really aren’t “together” right now anyways. I know you still have them there and can talk or have visits, but it doesn’t seem like he’s really invested.

I’m really sorry you’re going through this.


Post # 6
5083 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2014

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hmeyer15:  Yeah it sounds to me like this relationship has run its course. The “crazy in love” feeling does lessen as time goes on in any relationship, so, to be honest, I don’t think that’s the problem here.  It doesn’t sound like he is invested in your relationship. And you are constantly questioning it. That is not a good place to be, especially in an LDR. I know you feel like you can never see yourself with anyone else, but that’s because you’ve never been with anyone else. I understand how hard it is to give up your first real relationship. The first cut is the deepest afterall.  But trust me, you can get over him and find someone that you don’t have to constantly question. 

As a side note: He’s in grad school. I’ve been in grad school for 4 years, I can tell you that grad school is a notorious relationship killer. I work directly with 4 people in my lab and all 4 have had long term relationships end during the course of our schooling, including myself. It’s a big period of adjustment and often relationships can’t survive it. 

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