(Closed) LDR Medicial school overseas

posted 5 years ago in Long Distance Relationships
Post # 2
Member
4239 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

The biggest thing that stands out in here is that you say when you see him your world “turns to color” and when he’s not with you, you get pessimistic.  To me that sounds like you’re only happy when he’s around, which is not a healthy dynamic in any relationship.  I would go into this expecting him to have changed — he is not nearly the same person as he was when he originally left for Grenada.  That may mean he is still all-in with your relationship or that also could mean that his priorities have changed.  Regardless, he will not be the same person and it will likely take some adjustment.  Go into this with that kind of attitude — expecting it to be different.

Post # 3
Member
1321 posts
Bumble bee

I think you are just nervous about what big life changea might be ahead…the uncertainty of not knowing where you will both be, and the fact that he can’t give you specifics. I think that’s normal. just go in to the next few months knowing it will be a period of adjustment. Be a little more understanding than usual. Be open in communication, etc. 

I am in my second year of grad school (medical humanities) abroad, so I’ve been going through the same thing with my fiancee travel and time wise. We have a little more certainty though; I’m going to medical school when I move back and we are moving in together in a city that we’ve picked. We’re getting married right when I move back. 

Although I’ve been here for almost 2 years I wouldnt say I’ve changed drastically as a person…2 years is a long time but from what I understand you see each other every few months. 

I also get what you mean with seeing color when you are with him and needing to pass the time when you aren’t… I basically live with a countdown to when I’m seeing fiancée next. I’d only be concerned if you can’t find any glimmers of happiness while you are alone, then that would be concerning. 

Post # 4
Member
7890 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

The unknown can be scary, but I would view it as a growing experience. He has to go through his rotations, and the relationship might change, but that’s ok. Is he going to be in the same location for most of his clinical rotations, or is he going to travel to different cities for each one? If it’s the former, maybe you can get to know other SO’s of medical students to know you’re not alone. I think sometimes professional societies also have networks for SO’s too. 

Post # 6
Member
15 posts
Newbee

I don’t think the stress of school is an adequate excuse not to talk about the future. Especially when you are feeling the way you do. Communication and planning are INCREDIBLY essential in long distance relationships, in some ways, they are all you have. While I think it is natural for you to be feeling this way (I know I was concerned and nervous when SO finally came home, change is change and can be a little bumpy), it is still imperative that the two of you discuss those feelings. Have you informed him how you are feeling about it, and how important it is to you that the future be discussed?

Post # 7
Member
963 posts
Busy bee

Hi, fellow med school partner 🙂

My FH is an M4 at a DO school in Florida. He thinks he knows exactly what school your SO goes to, because he’s done rotations with a lot of IMGs (lots of Carribbean students rotate in his area). 

Dating someone in med school is HARD. It is extremely trying and most people cannot possibly understand what it’s like. Med school becomes their entire lives. It’s all they talk about, all they think about, and all they do. I know you are looking forward to him getting into rotations (and it is a little better…) but it doesn’t really improve that much. He will still have frequent tests, and as an IMG, his step 2 will matter a ton, so I assume he’ll dedicate a lot of time to that. His fourth year will be lots of away rotations and traveling (my Fiance did three away rotations… one here in Miami, one in NC, and one in Chicago) and is going on 13 residency interviews, so he’ll be gone most of the next month, too. And then in Jan and Feb, he’s doing rural rotations a few hours away. The worst is over, but the part to come isn’t that much better. And as an IMG with the DO/MD merger coming up, his scores will need to be even better than before to match into a good program.

I agree with other PPs… Med school is no reason not to discuss the future. Fiance and I moved across the country together after only a few months of dating for his med school, and it’s basically our entire lives. He’s graduating in May, and we’re getting married the next day. There is nothing easy about this, but it’s possible, and a lot of couples make it through.

The best advice I can give you is to be a true partner to him. Learn as much as you can about the next step in his medical career, and support him as best you can. I know your parents don’t want you to live together, but I *highly* suggest it; both of us coming home together and decompressing after long days has been central to our relationship. Having me to vent to has really helped me understand what he’s going through, and my career has been central to our residency search process. He’s actually letting me make his match list so that we end up somewhere we both like. 

In this kind of relationship, you really, really have to roll with the punches. Med school will ruin a lot of holidays and a lot of things normal couples working 9-5s take for granted. PM me if you want to talk about the whole med school thing… it sucks, and residency will suck, and him working as a doctor will suck. It’s all about whether you’re willing to commit to this life.

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