(Closed) LDR Timelines

posted 6 years ago in Long Distance Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1380 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I’m curious about this too.

Personally, long-distance is extending my timeline because it’s important that we get to see each other on a more regular basis and have a solid plan for living together before engagement. He on the other hand, would be very happy to get engaged today and just kind of figure things out as we go along. I need more of a plan! (We’re also a transatlantic, cross-cultural relationship so that plays into things too.)

ETA: We met about a year ago, had what I thought was going to be a vacation fling (I was on a six-month long trip), traveled together around Christmas and became “official”, then I went back to his home country to meet his family, returned to the US, we’ve been LD for nine! months and he will finally visit me in a few weeks! Next year I hope to move to Europe to be closer to him and then we’ll start really planning the future.

Post # 5
Member
945 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

If anything, for me being long-distance sped up the engagement process. We got engaged after just 2.5 years, which I think was kind of fast. If we were going to be staying in the same area, I think it would have been another year at least.

Granted, our situation is a little different than yours. We met and lived in the same city for 2.5 years and dot engaged just before he moved (for school) so we’ve had that time together.

I also have a friend who met his Girlfriend last spring, while she was here doing a study abroad program (she’s from Europe) and I know he’s already thinking about the possibility of marriage being in their near future, since it’s the only way for them to be together long-term.

Post # 6
Member
1992 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

lol I think I’m gonna blow you guys away….

My guy and I are trans-atlantic… I’m not sure we’re “cross-cultural” tho? haha
He’s English from 5 mi outside London.
I’m American, born and raised in Orange County, CA.

We met on my senior trip in Cancun, Mexico in Aug 2005 when we were 18!
My girlfriends hit it off with his guy friends while he and I fell in love and it was the best week of my life… I couldn’t imagine it all ending when we flew home so we exchanged #s and email addresses and promised eachother we’d keep in touch… and we did! lol

2 weeks later I moved into the dorms at school (still in OC) and we called/emailed/IMed often! School was REALLY important to me so I think that extended our LDR for such a long period of time… also our ages! We were TEENAGERS when we knew we wanted to be together forever… I knew that it wasn’t the time to marry bc we were so young and my parent’s wouldn’t be stoked so we waited… we researched the process but continued to wait because we knew it would have to be one of us moving… I thought it would be fun to live in London so I tried it out a few times but inevitably, CA is better for the both of us because of my attachement to my family and the sunshine/beach! hehe

I just went through it for our fiance visa so our timeline is as follows:

He & his closest friends came to visit me and my girlfriends in Dec 2005…

I went to visit him for my birthday weekend in March 2006…

I visited for 6 weeks (traveled with him to Greece and my girlfriends to Barcelona, Dublin, & back to London) in June/July 2006…

I came for a study abroad from Sept-Dec 2006…

He came to live with me from Jan – Mar & April-July in 2007…

I went to visit him in London for 2 weeks Sept 2007…

I went to visit again for the holidays for a month in Dec/Jan 2007…

I met up with him & his family to vacation in Florida in May 2008…

He & his BFF came to visit in Nov 2008…

Then I graduated from college (WOOHOO!) so I got a visa to work from Dec-July 09…
(((This was actually a really trying time for us & we went through a rough patch…))

He came for the holidays in Dec 2009…

Then I came for a few months from Feb – May 2010… ((to work on our relationship))
….it was at this point that we both got full time jobs so we couldn’t travel so much…

He came for 2 weeks in Oct 2010…
…this trip was significant because we decided we didn’t want to do the back and forth anymore and that we knew we wanted to be together forever… we decided we wanted to get married and told my parents!

I went for a few weeks over Christmas 2010…
…and we told his parents! (they were thrilled!)

Then a long time passed because we had full-time jobs and so we could save and buy a ring & etc… he finally came in Aug 2011 for 3 weeks and we went to Vegas and HE PROPOSED!

Then I went to visit in Dec 2011 and we had our UK engagement party…

He came in March 2012 to have our engagement session…

and then I didn’t see him until just over a week before our Sept 21 2012 wedding…
he left Oct 7th and now I’m planning our UK reception for Dec 2012!

 

So the next time I’ll see him will be in 2 months… and if all goes as planned, he’ll come to live here in January 2013.

 

Sorry that’s so long… I guess you really didn’t need all the details but overall we were LDR “dating” for 6 years… engaged for 1 year and now we’ve been married for a month!

so we’ve been LDR for 7 years… and its been an adventure to say the least! Wink

Post # 7
Member
1563 posts
Bumble bee

My husband and I met online. We dated for 19 months before becoming engaged. We married 8 months later.

Post # 8
Member
237 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Started dating March 2008.

I graduated in May 2008 then moved home.

He graduated May 2009 and commissioned in the Marines. 

Went to Virginia for a school.

Then to Missouri for a school.

Then stationed in California November 2010.

Deployed August 2011-March 2012.

Engaged July 2012.

Married January 2013.

THEN we will be finally living together for the first time in what will be our almost 5 year relationship.

Post # 9
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

We were together for a year LDR, and at that point decided that it was time to live together. It took another year to manage the move, immigration paperwork, etc. We were in the fortunate situation that engagement/marriage wasn’t necessary for a visa. I don’t really believe in the “timeline” thing — but we were never in the position of having a big disconnect where one person needed things to be moving forward when the other wasn’t ready yet. 

Post # 10
Member
5093 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

Darling Husband and I are a special case because we dated for two years, broke up for five, and got back together while I was living halfway around the globe.  We already had a history, but we were newly dating again.

I think the LDR definitely slowed things down for us at the beginning.  When we started really talking again (after seeing each other when I was visiting the US over the summer), we knew that if anything happened, it was going to be very, very, very serious.  He had just broken up with his girlfriend.  Had we been near each other, I think we would have rushed into things immediately.  We would have started making out just a week after his breakup, slept together for the first time ever (we held off the first time around in high school), and moved in together within a month.  We would have gotten carried away by the hormones and gone through everything lightning fast without giving ourselves time to deal with everything that was going on and without taking the time to discuss what was actually happening with our relationship.  I think that could have been very, very dangerous.

As it was, we were forced to just spend months on end talking.  We talked about EVERYTHING.  The planet that stood between us gave us a chance to slow down and examine ourselves and our relationship, and it kept the hormones somewhat at bay.

That’s why it took three months after we saw each other for him to finally tell me he wanted to date again.  It was another whole month after that before we dropped the L-word.  And it wasn’t until a whole six months after we saw each other and started talking that we saw each other again and finally got to have our second first kiss.  By then, we knew without a doubt that we were together for the long haul.  I don’t think our relationship would have been so successful if we hadn’t taken all that time to just talk and figure things out.

I don’t feel like anything took longer than expected after I finally moved back to the US (exactly one year after we started really talking again).  We spent maybe a bit more time than I would have liked with me as a lady in waiting, but it was after only five months of living in the same country that he popped the question.  Everything else was normal in timing after that.

Post # 11
Member
609 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

We have been long distance for the entirety of our relationship (4 years). We’ve been friends for almost 19 years now.

 

June/July 2007- He moves back to the east coast(NJ/NY) from the midwest (he was getting his MFA) just as I was getting ready to move to North Carolina so we stayed friends until….

February 2009-We just couldn’t fight it anymore so we became “official” and officiall long distance which got longer in….

August 2010-I moved to Georgia to complete a Masters degree. We agreed that since I would only be there for two years we would do long distance until I graduated and then we would move to the same place so…

August 2011- We got engaged! And we started planning our October 2012 wedding which we would eventually end up cancelling since…

August 2012- I moved to Arizona because I got into my dream PhD program. We postponed the wedding until we are more financially stable and in the same place. Except he cannot find ANYTHING out here and we are really in a tough spot. We are considering (maybe?) doing long distance until I finish my PhD….

 

I think in terms of dating and getting engaged we were on a more traditional timeline. The time to wedding,however, will be much longer than tradition prep times. As others have said I think that LDR’s can end up being way longer than more traditional relationships, but at the same time they can be much quicker when multiple countries are involved. 

Post # 12
Member
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

My fiance and I have been long distance the entire time.  We talked for about three months before actually going on our first date.  (I live in the Minneapolis/St. Paul area and he lives in Chicago.)  We knew each other from a young adult denominatonal retreat (February 2011), but didn’t actually meet there.  We got to know each other via messages on FB, texts, etc.  That didn’t start til around August 2011.  He was a seminary student, and my parents had been at the same seminary for a year.  Coincidentally enough, he lived one floor directly above my family.   While I was visiting my family at Christmas, we went out for coffee and then a few days later to a Kirk Franklin concert. 

    Funny thing: Kirk Franklin kept saying, “Now some of you might be here on your first date, wondering, ‘Ooo, I wonder if I’m gonna marry this wonderful person someday.'”  Had nothing to do with the concert, but it was funny nonetheless!

We officially became a couple February 17, 2012 – at the same retreat we had been at the year before.  Until the summer we saw each other once every six weeks.  His summer internship ended up being only about 100 miles away so we got to see each other every other week or so.  At the end of August I travelled with him to his hometown to meet his family and he proposed that week (August 16).  Now he’s finishing his last year of seminary.  I haven’t seen him since September 8th.   SUPER hard!  I’ll see him for 2 days next weekend (pre-marital counseling) and then won’t see him until Christmas.  Then we’ll spend Christmas together with my family and his family.  Hopefully after Christmas we’ll get to see eachother once a month at the minimum. 

We’re getting married June 15th.  I’m a little concerned about going from not seeing each other too often to living together each day, but I’m spending a lot of time in prayer and study.  So far, I’ve read:  “The Honeymoon of Your Dreams: Planning a Life Together”, “Sheet Music”, “Love and Respect”, and “Boundaries in Marriage”.  I have to finish up “Love and Respect” and then I’ll move onto “Before You Plan Your Wedding…Plan your Marriage.”

We’re using “Preparing for Marriage” for our pre-marital counseling material.

God is good.  He’s brought us this far and we’ll keep looking to Him for the future!

 

Post # 13
Member
319 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

My Fiance and I have kind of a unique story.  We met 4 years ago when he was working in the town I lived.  We met at a bar – lol how romantic right?  For the record…I did hit on him first!  We dated for a month but then broke up because he was leaving to work in another state. 

A year later we ended up getting back together for good! He continued to work on the road – this time in different states.  When he was home we lived about an hour and half apart. We did for almost 2 years before I made the leap to move in with him. Before moving I did express my desire to get married and told him point blank he had a year to propose (as long as things continued to work between us).

The boy waited a whole 4 months before popping the question.  🙂 We are still techincally LDR as he continues to work on the road (it’s been about 2 months since I’ve seen him). 

 

Post # 14
Member
153 posts
Blushing bee

My boy and I met through a mutual friend in June 2007. He is in the Air Force and I was in school.

We officially started dating in September 2007.

 

I graduated in December 2009, but he was moving around with the Air Force in pilot training, so it didn’t make sense for me to move then.

We visited off and on until March 2011, when I moved to his first permanent duty station. Before I moved, I found a job here and an apartment. We didn’t want to live together right off the bat, because after 3.5 years long distance, we thought we might kill each other with that much togetherness lol.

 

We dated for 18 months after I moved here, and right before his second deployment, he proposed. 5 years into the relationship.

 

For us, distance definitely played a role in slowing things down. Neither one of us thought committing to forever was a good idea when we had only been in a long distance relationship.

 

Post # 15
Member
2968 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

this is the reader’s digest version of my situation (cause the regular version is pretty lengthy, haha):

my husband and i were friends in high school, but we lost touch after graduation, so we went thru another “getting to know you” phase when he found me on myspace. he had already joined the military, so it was a long distance “relationship” even then and it was a few years after that (during his deployment) that we became a couple.

after 6 months of dating, we started talking about marriage, but neither of us was in a hurry. we figured we’d wait until he was done with the military. that didn’t happen, haha. we got engaged 7 months later (so we’d been dating for a year when he popped the question). we had planned on a 2 year engagement, so we’d have plenty of time to save/plan. that didn’t happen either, haha. we were engaged for a little over year- just got married last month 🙂

we didn’t use the long distance or military aspects of our relationship as a reason to rush anything. yes, it would have bee much easier and quicker to just have a civil ceremony and then have a “real wedding” later. but i wanted 1 wedding and i wanted it to be real. on top of that, the divorce rate in the military is very high, so we both wanted to take our time with everything and we took all the classes that the church AND the military required us to attend.

it seems excessive and unnecessary to some people and yes, it was hard planning a wedding and scheduling classes/meetings around his schedule. we had to postpone and reschedule things oftenand there were definitely times that i felt that our wedding was not going to happen, but we both hung in there and made it happen and it was all worth it.

it’s definitely been an adjustment going from seeing each other for a few days a month, to living with each other 24/7, but i think we’re handling it well 🙂

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