- 2 years ago
I am in LDR with a guy from another country. He is great and I like him very much.
The problem is that he is very poor, his family also, and they are struggling. No, I don’t mean that I need someone rich. I am just worrying a lot and I wish I could solve this problem for him, but I can’t. I offered him some money and he finally accepted, now I am helping occasionally when he is asking (I know for sure that he is not using me for money), but this is not really a long term solution.
I am also very concerned that we can’t meet often. He said he wants to marry me after getting a good job, but I don’t want to marry without knowing each other well in real life. And I have no idea how we can meet more often.
I am an expat PhD student (with a scholarship), and don’t have time to travel rignt now, and he doesn’t have money to visit me (and I can’t pay for his traveling because he won’t even get a visa, being too poor). We met online and I visited him once, it was a year ago. I don’t know when I can come the next time, as I should finish my PhD the next fall and after that, I need to search for a job/postdoc, and I can’t come to him and just stay. It would be not easy for me to find a job/postdoc in his country being a foreigner, and he doesn’t want to move abroad, as he is too scared to move plus he is too attached to his country and wants to stay with his family.
I am suffering because I don’t think it is a real relationship when there is no plan about seeing each other the next time. I tried to talk to him and explain that maybe we try to be friends for some time and see what happens, but he became very upset and said that he is already in a very bad situation and he needs me and if I leave him, he will die. Actually he attempted suicide once so when he said that he would die I got scared. And also I don’t want to break up with him when he is already depressed because of his financial situation.
He is searching for a job but it has been a year and still nothing.
Myself I am struggling with some mental health problems (social anxiety) and don’t have any real life friends. I am in therapy but it is going very slow. Sometimes I am feeling very alone, I cry and wish there was someone I could hug.
And the worst thing is that recently one guy here in my city asked me if we can try to be in a relationship, and I refused because of my LDR, and I felt very sad because he was the only real life person who showed interest in me and was nice to me and really cared, but I had to refuse. It was just too difficult and now I am feeling more alone than before and hating myself and this situation.
Please Bees I would like to know your opinion.
Edit: I understand that it might seem not good that I gave him money. I am not so naive to give money to an unknown guy who might be a fraud. There are some reasons why I did it and why I was sure about it.