LDR while being a single mom

posted 10 months ago in Long Distance Relationships
  • poll: Should I continue to work on the relationship?

    Yes

    No

    Need more info

    Not sure

  • Post # 2
    Member
    8033 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    I think there is no point in continuing your relationship. 

    -hes unemployed

    -hes not interested in being a parent to your kid

    -he doesnt want to settle down

    Why not just end it and look for someone you can actually build a future with? This guy is a dead end. 

    Post # 3
    Member
    5909 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: July 2018

    View original reply
    pinkyunicorn :  He kept talking about it being not good when my daughter becomes too attached to him

    Nope, that is all you need to know. 

    And he cannot imagine settling down for at least 15 years to ensure that stability for my kid while he still wants to explore the world. 

    This sounds like he is trying to break up with you, I’m not sure what you plan to work on. 

    He is nervous when my kid holds his hands because he is not sure about partaking in raising my kid with me.

    This isn’t a committed relationship, if you have a young kid and he doesn’t want an active part in her life then there is no relationship. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    368 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2019

    End it. He doesn’t want to be a part of your daughter’s life. He is tip toeing around his reason’s without clearly comming out and saying it. Your kid this, your kid that. Well “your” kid isn’t going anywhere so it’s both or none at all. Don’t waste your time op. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    813 posts
    Busy bee

    View original reply
    pinkyunicorn :  No. 

    I stopped at “He is nervous when my kid holds his hands because he is not sure about partaking in raising my kid with me. I asked him then what he thinks are other options. He said he didn’t know. “

    I think you need to find someone more suited to family life, if that’s what you desire the dynamic of the relationship to be (meaning, if you want someone who is going to be around your child).

    He sounds like a flake…he “quit his job to rebalance his life”?? I am a free-spirit, so I get it, but that doesn’t really work when there is a kid involved. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    289 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: By the lake

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    “He asked if we could still be friends.”  To me, that means just that– Let’s just be friends.  I don’t think there is a relationship after that.  He doesn’t seem to have a future with you.  He is not stable and you need stability especially when you have a child.  Do what’s best for you and your child.  Keep us posted.  Good luck.

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    Post # 7
    Bee
    5287 posts
    Bee Keeper

    You have to ask about this? I’d say it’s pretty apparent that this man does not see himself in your life long-term. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    227 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2020

    View original reply
    pinkyunicorn :  I’m sorry youre int his situation bee. He clearly isnt trying to blend lives with you and has made it clear hes uncomfortable raising your little one. I would use this as experience to weed out guys just like this and find better. Best wishes <3

    Post # 9
    Member
    955 posts
    Busy bee

    I’d definitely tag him as a “free spirit”, and I think it’s respectable that he seems to be aware that his wants/desires/dreams aren’t suitable for family life right now. I don’t know why he let himself get involved with a single mother if that’s the case, but regardless it sounds like he’s coming around to the realization that his lifestyle isn’t compatible with yours. He doesn’t want your daughter getting too attached to him because he’s not confident that he’s going to stay around, and he doesn’t want her getting hurt. Maybe he’s a flakey deadbeat who recklessly started a relationship he knew wouldn’t last, or maybe he legitimately fell in love and now regrets that it probably won’t work out…doesn’t really matter, but I don’t want to be throwing someone you care for—and who we know very little about—under the bus. Anyway, the writing on the wall is that this isn’t going to work out. Your guy wants another *15 years* of free-spiriting, which is fine for him…but you need someone who’s ready to settle down right now, and not when your daughter is graduating highschool. It sounds like y’all had some fun together, but can make a mutual, cordial split, to pursue lives neither of you will need to settle for. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    474 posts
    Helper bee

    I’m sorry if this sounds harsh, but I cannot even wrap my head around how you could consider this.  Please stop thinking of any of this in terms of what’s best for you, for him, or for this “relationship” and instead focus on what’s best for your child.

     I’m assuming she’s young and I’m assuming her father isn’t in the picture much if you are easily able to consider relocating.  Especially in that case, but really in any case, she deserves to be the focus of your life.   Stop chasing after this guy who clearly isn’t going to help facilitate that.  Even he sees it.  

    Post # 11
    Member
    1246 posts
    Bumble bee

    How on earth is this a question? You’re seriously considering still pursuing this relationship? Put your child first. Period. Then the answer should be obvious. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    262 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: January 2018

    No, definitely not.  You need someone who wants to show up and be part of your lives.  He does not.  Break it off.

    Post # 13
    Member
    46 posts
    Newbee

    There’s very few times when the answer to a poll is unanimous. Take that for what it’s worth.

    Post # 14
    Member
    357 posts
    Helper bee

    View original reply
    sunburn :  I had the same exact though!

    I cant believe you even need to ask! You’re willing to throw away a career you love that you worked hard on to gain independence after a divorce on some guy who doesnt want to be involved with your child!!?? You REALLY need to work on your self esteem. I cant believe you would even consider uprooting your child and quitting your job for a guy who doesnt even want her around. Please find a man who is more family oriented and will cherish time with your child. There are millions of men in the world, pick one who values you, your child and your relationship more.

    Post # 15
    Member
    2043 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

    View original reply
    pinkyunicorn :  he cannot imagine settling down for at least 15 years.  Bee everything about your post screams no commitment.  He’s basically putting the onus on you, meaning he’s cool being with you for now but he’s gonna want to move on eventually so you and your daughter need to let go of some “attachments & expectations” when that time comes.   

    I think you know deep down what you need to do.  

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