- 10 months ago
A friend referred me to this site as she found sound advice for her personal life. I hope to hear from you too!
I started a long-distant relationship with my current boyfriend 1.5 years ago. We met online. At the time, I was thinking of testing the water after being divorced for almost 3 years. I was fine with long-distant as at the time I was back in school and need time to focus, and I didn’t want any drama by being close to him, if any. Less than a year afterwards, I was preparing for my graduation and first job. I accepted an offer which necesitated that the relationship continued to be LDR. He was cool with it.
My daughter joined me shortly after, and I started to introduce her to him. We hanged out several times, she quickly became familiarized with him and we have no issues being together. We met his sister and his family on a trip, and all has been good. His sister invited us to her house or their parents’ house during Xmas. He quit his job to rebalance his life and find his next passion. He’s considering several options, with a new city (not my current location) being one possibility. He said he would not be happy being in the place I am currently in.
He kept talking about it being not good when my daughter becomes too attached to him and he’s not with us all the time. I took it as a hint that maybe we should consider moving closer to each other. So I told him despite me loving my new career, I am willing to make a move to his next destination. He then told me what if he doesn’t like his new destination, while I need stability for my daughter and wouldn’t move again. And he cannot imagine settling down for at least 15 years to ensure that stability for my kid while he still wants to explore the world. He is nervous when my kid holds his hands because he is not sure about partaking in raising my kid with me. I asked him then what he thinks are other options. He said he didn’t know.
I flew back, thinking maybe we have never been on the same page. He must have been wanting a separation because all the above means there’s no future for us. I set up an hour to Facetime him and told him it’s maybe best to take a break. He then explained he was just highlighting the risks, and didn’t want an end to our relationship. He asked if we can still be friends. With this new interpretation, I took a day to think.
Frankly I could not clearly think, so I resolved to be back to normal with him while giving me time to think and re-evaluate the relationship. At the same time, I start withdrawing my kid from any contact with him, mostly via text msgs. I just don’t want her to be hurt if we go separate ways.
Sorry if this is a bit long. To me, I can independently raise my kid and I think any addition to the family has to be fantastic enough for me to consider. So given all these doubts and clash in life goals, should I try to work on this relationship or should I save myself and be happy alone?