LDR wife wants divorce, but I've planned a surprise visit. What do I do?

posted 1 year ago in Long Distance Relationships
Post # 2
3803 posts
Honey bee

I think you should tell her that you are coming so that you can talk face to face about this very serious conversation.  It’s pretty shitty that she texted you all of this.

Post # 3
266 posts
Helper bee

Why the hell are you having these very serious conversations over text message?? 

Yes you should go, and yes you should discuss this all face-to-face. 

Is there anyway you could go even sooner??

Post # 5
1038 posts
Bumble bee

“You’re never done talking, you give me no time to think. Leave me the f*** alone.”

Uh, what?!? You’re long distance with your wife, you don’t even live with her, and yet you somehow don’t have enough time to think and need even more space? You’re cursing at her? I’d want a divorce too if this is representative of your relationship.

Post # 6
7591 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

It sounds like there is significant fault on both sides. She sounds like a pill, but you telling her to leave you the fuck alone on a text message doesn’t exactly paint you in the best light either.

I guess if you want the marriage to work out then you should still go on the trip – maybe see if you can book an emergency counseling session while you’re there. Otherwise I don’t see a point in going.

Post # 7
1776 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: City, State

Here’s the last chance I think you have, because you’ve not been a real hero in this, either, OP. Go ahead and message her your flight confirmation so she can see how long ago you booked it. That way, she’ll know you were trying to do something nice for her without this fight being the catalyst. Tell her you’re sorry long distance has taken the toll it has, that you’re aware things haven’t been the same, and that you want to make amends however you can. Ask her if she would be open to booking a counseling session while you’re in town. 

At this point, the two of you need to be willing to work through things together. You’re married, and that’s part of marriage. It won’t be all good times. You don’t just give up on each other via a stupid text conversation. 

If you decide to give things a real shot, one of you needs to move to be with the other. Period. 

Post # 9
1271 posts
Bumble bee

I thought in your last thread you had come to the realization that she was using you for money? She didn’t want to acknowledge you were even married. Did things improve for a bit between then and this current issue?

Post # 10
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

I agree with the others, call her and tell her that you had a trip planned and you need to go so you can talk about this. 

Do you know why she is so unhappy with herself? This sounds like a whole lot of projections of her own frustration on to you. It seems that there is something really off balance inside of her that not necessarily has to do with you. But it seems that she is blaming everything on you. It seems that she seeks to be validated by you instead of doing that herself. And that she calls you so many times q day suggests that she is really insecure.

I‘m prone to nag a lot too and it really upset my ex boyfriend to the point that he also wanted to break up with me. And there are two things going on, what she describes: the honeymoon phase is over, the flaws are not ignored anymore. You have to realise that your partner isn’t going to change. So you have to either accept your partner WITH their flaws or leave. This is what relationships are about, not the butterflies, infatuation and what not, it seems that she didn‘t know that. 

I recommend you that you try to get to the bottom of the problems when you talk to her and not get lost in details. 

Post # 11
7591 posts
Bumble Beekeeper



Just read your former thread. This relationship is and always has been a shit show. Your wife treats you like an ATM and you had serious problems long before you got married. I’d go ahead and get the divorce, and next time you meet a woman you like, take it MUCH slower so you don’t make the same mistake again.

Post # 12
2043 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

If you’re serious about saving your marriage then you need to be all about saving it.


Edit:  Oh for the love of God! I just read you old posts.  Jesus dude its apparent you haven’t had much therapy or maybe even none at all.

WHY do you want this woman?  Can’t you find a girl that will treat you like shit in your own country?  There are certainly plenty.

Get thee to intense therapy STAT!  I’m begging you.  Dude a man who lets someone walk all over him is NOT respected and they eventually get tired of you and dump you in favor of someone who won’t take their BS.  And by your current post you’re still paying all her bills aren’t you?

Post # 13
5287 posts
Bee Keeper

Get a divorce already. Why are you trying to save this sham of a marriage? Go read your last thread.

Post # 14
922 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

I just read your last thread and that was only 5 months ago. Your wife is a spoiled little brat and that’s being nice. You want to keep putting yourself through this than go ahead. You have been with her for 4 plus years  and it’s getting worse and worse. She may be in her 20’s but her mind set is like a teenager and she thinks she has a sugar daddy. Do yourself a favor, go see a lawyer file for a divorce, go visit her and serve her ass with divorce papers like she wants. She will be crying a different tune when she see’s the paperwork. She is playing you like a fiddle!!! She want’s you to bow down to her and tell her ” No honey please please let’s not get a divorce i’ll work on myself I promise”. Screw that. She is trying to get your attention and she is doing it in a different way. Call her bluff and divorce that spoiled brat. Read your last post, maybe something will click.

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