- 6 years ago
Hi Everyone..this is my first post! I was excited to find this board as being in a LDR is a lonely experience – it is nice to read about others who are going through/have gone through a similar siuation. On that note, I am wondering if anyone with kids from a previous relationship could offer some advice about how to juggle an LDR. Sorry for the long post..this is partially a vent..partially looking for help..thanks for reading! :]
My story is that I have two school-age children from a previous relationship. I share custody with their father 50/50 and we are on pretty good terms although we tend to keep out of each other’s business. Although they’ve been through some rough times, the kids are pretty happy and are doing okay in school. Our homes are pretty close together and the kids are able to easily travel between houses even if they are staying with the other parent during a certain period. They have good friends with whom they’ve grown up with and are close to both sides of the family (we were young parents so both sets of grandparents/aunts/uncles have helped out a lot). This is their home and they would like it to stay that way – I think that would be good for them too.
Enter my boyfriend. We have been together for 4.5 years. We met while volunteering at an organization serving those who are struggling and came together as two people who are looking to play a role in helping society. He is awesome in a McGyver kind of way. He has opened my eyes to different ways of solving problems and I’ve grown a lot while being with him. The kids like him. He is slightly younger (several months although this seems to make a difference with the boys 😉 and struggles a bit with what his role is – he’s not quite ready to be a parent and my kids are very close to their dad. We also are both very strong personalities and sometimes fight because of this.
A year and a half ago, Boyfriend or Best Friend moved across the country to attend professional school. We have been doing the LDR thing for a 1.5 years and it has been very rocky. I will be finishing my professional degree next year and he has brought up the idea of me moving to be with him. BF is willing to try the LDR for as long as possible but the distance has taken its toll on the relationship.
I feel really torn about this. Now to clarify, moving would mean locking myself in a contract to be out there for at least 4 years (this is the next step in my training) so I can’t just move out there to “try it.” I do not think that it would be the best idea for me to move my kids given their very established life here. BF wouldn’t be able to provide much support as he will be in intense training for several years then he will be entering a similar contract as I will be. He would run the risk of having to move away and might leave me there by myself as I complete my training (the contract does not guarantee where you will end up but you can put in your preferences) The area in which he lives is also very expensive to fly to and there are no direct flights between our two cities – ever.
Looking ahead – the shortest length of time that we may be apart is 3 more years (this is VERY unlikely), realistically probably 5-6 more years, worst case scenario 8-9 years. Aack! We’ve talked about having a serious future together but it is very daunting given the level of complications we have.
I know normally partners make the sacrifice to move to the other when possible. I feel bad that I cannot consider this as easily. I feel like my life is always so complicated! It is so frustrating!
Has anyone else had to balance in a smilar way? Any advice or kind thoughts would be appreciated. thanks!