(Closed) LDRs – Has anyone else found themselves doing all of the planning?

posted 8 years ago in Long Distance Relationships
Post # 3
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I definitely felt that way too! Except for us, I’m the one out of the country 🙁 so I was able to hand stuff off to him really easily (once I figured out that I was stressing so much over it). Do you have family (his or yours) who can help you? Don’t be afraid to ask for help, especially since he’s gone!!

I’m glad to hear he at least has made an effort to be involved. Remember, your wedding is about the love between the two of you MUCH more than about every detail being perfect. 🙂

Post # 4
Member
873 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I’m not LDR but I’m LD planning.  He’s not Canadian, so he has no concept of what it means to plan a wedding there…or even what happens at a Canadian wedding.  His role is to say ‘yes’ to everything I decided.^^  He is however somewhat helpful with the Korean wedding – but that’s just because he’s the one fluent in Korean!  Maybe it would bother me more than it does – but I’m actually having a good time planning and he’s not causing problems by dismissing the things I’m planning.  I agree with daydream – I do think that it’s helpful to have someone else you can count on.  Do you have a best friend/mum/sister/coworker etc who can help you?  I know that giving my mum specific tasks to do (since she lives where we are getting married) has been really helpful for making the burden lighter.  Even if others can only help you a little, giving a few people a very specific task each can be very helpful.^^

Post # 5
Member
35 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Yessss.  Lots of older ladies, including my mom, have said that if you don’t get it done, it won’t be!  Cause they’re guys and don’t really care.  I’ve been doing most of the planning the Fiance is in grad school and busy and meeting deadlines and I am currently still looking for a job.  And the fact that I don’t think he cares about colors or dresses or flowers or the details.  I’ve always wondered (and started a thread on) what it would be like our FIs planned the whole wedding!  (Hot dogs?  A grill?   Paper plates?)  :oP

I’ve found it exceptionally hard in the fact that even if he doesn’t do most of the planning or hard, annoying research that comes with it, he can’t go to even simple things like caterer tasting with me, ya know?  Or… be supportive or give a hug when planning really gets tough.  And I think that’s been harder than having to basically plan the whole thing by myself.

Definitely try to remember that you’re doing this for the BOTH of you and that you just have to love him for trying.  Definitely try to involve him in any way you can, even if it’s just to ask “what do you think of this” or “how is this color.”  At least that way giving his input is his way of contributing.  :]  AND remember… get the big things down and just go with it.  Remember that it is about the marriage, not the wedding.

Post # 6
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee

Oh i feel you very much. My fiance started CHP Academy ( California Highway Partol) few weeks ago. We could not start our planning before because we were not sure of the date that we could get married. Well while he is at the Academy for six months i have to do all the planning. He comes home for a day and a half, but he is so busy studing, doing his uniform, etc.. that he has no time to plan. I had to find the place by myself  that we gonna get married in, and he just paid for it. I feel very bad about me planning the whole thing, and everything is how i want it not how we want it. I wish he could really hep me.

Oh.. the best part is, he graduates on Friday..  and on Sunday ( a day later) we get married. I dont know how i can plan everything.. Im getting very stressed and so happy that at least my sister can help me.

So dont feel bad.. there are a few of us who get frusturated enough =)

Post # 7
Member
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

My Fiance is working in Afghanistan. We’ve been LDR off and on throughout our 5 year relationship and just went back to being LD in May when he left. I try to include him in the planning process as much as possible but it’s frustrating when I have to email him, wait 10-12 hours for him to be awake to check his email, and then look at whatever info I’m sending him. Not to mention the unstable internet connection. Sometimes things that might take 15 minutes with him here end up taking days.

I don’t know if it’s possible for you or not, but I’ve found that I’ve grown much closer to his family throughout his current contract. I get along very well with my Future Mother-In-Law and Future Sister-In-Law (whom he is SUPER close to) so I am finding that asking them for their input makes me feel better about my decisions.

He won’t be back until May and our wedding is in June so I definitely feel your pain. I just have to keep telling myself that this LDR crap is making our relationship stronger, and in the long run it is the best thing for us.

Post # 8
Member
6597 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

My Fiance lives with me and I still did most of the planning.

I think it is just one of those necessary evils… for the most part they just don’t care about the details the way we do.

Post # 9
Member
273 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

it started out with me doing most of it, he later got more involved with things however.  i think the whole thing overwhelmed him and with him living a couple of states away he wasn’t sure what he could even do.  once i started to get things sorted he became more excited and is doing some tasks (like ordering our champagne flutes).  

at first it was overwhelming to me and i didn’t like feeling like i was the only one planning,  but our case was different.  since your Fiance seems like he wants to be involved but is unable to due to his job i would look into giving tasks that he can use the internet for.  🙂

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