Post # 1
So after 2 years of an LDR, FH is going to move to NYC. It’s a huge leap for him, particularly as he doesn’t have a job lined up yet, but it’s something we’ve been talking about for a long time, and we’re sure it’s the right decision for us.
Last night FH was out to dinner with his mom and auntie, and his best friend (our best man) and his family. (A bit of an odd combination, but whatever.) I called him to say goodnight while they were having dinner and he was rather curt, which upset me, and I told him this when he called this morning. Turns out that everyone had spent the evening ganging up on him for his decisions–why isn’t she moving to LA? what happens if it doesn’t work out? why are you doing this or that for the wedding? etc.–and hadn’t listened to him when he said he didn’t really care to explain any further, that we had made these decisions together and that was all they needed to know, so he’d been pretty pissed off, thus the curtness to me. OK, all is forgiven between us.
While I understand that his friends and family ask these things because they worry about him, it really annoys me that they can’t respect our decisions. In addition, I truly believe that no one would doubt the decision to move across country if he were the girl and I were the boy. Among the reasons for him to come here was that, from an income standpoint, my job is significantly “better”; I also own my apartment, rather than rent. If I were a guy, I think I’d be considered a great provider and worth moving for. But since it’s the reverse, obviously I have removed his testicles and am calling all the shots in the relationship…. (Believe me, PLENTY of compromises have been made by both of us regarding our relationship and our wedding.) Even my co-workers seem surprised when I say that he’s moving, not me. What is up with this assumption that the girl moves?
I’m also kind of bummed out that our best man is not more supportive of our relationship (he and his family are perfectly lovely to my face, and I don’t think he dislikes me, he’s just being protective of FH). I would hope that someone who was standing up for us at our wedding could be more accepting of us.
OK, vent over. 🙂 Thank you for listening…
Post # 3
wow, that sucks that they aren’t being supportive. I’m always surpised at how many double standards there are between men and women (though i really shouldn’t be so suprised anymore). I really can’t relate to your situation though :(. I just wanted to say I hope they all come around, and kudos to you and your man doing whats best for you!
Post # 4
That’s too bad that they are not more supportive! It sounds like you really have your career on track, so I say GOOD FOR YOU! We were in the same boat, but before we got engaged. I got a great job in my field but 1000 miles away from where we went to college. I asked him if he wanted to take the leap and move with me, and he said he did (thank goodness!!). His family was totally supportive and in retrospect I guess that is pretty surprising since they are very old fashioned. I would just suck up my pride and tell them sweetly that people move all the time and if NYC doesn’t work out that LA should have room for you two to move back.
Post # 5
wow that sucks 🙁 i’m really sorry they weren’t supportive. luckily you and your fi seem to be on the same page though, and that’s all that really matters! if it makes you feel better, my hubby moved for me when i got into graduate school, and i have another close friend whose bf moved to be with her…so it does happen, they’re just stuck in old-fashioned expectations and will be proven wrong with time 😉
Post # 6
I’m so sorry you’re going through this! I can’t imagine how discouraging all this must be. But I think the important thing to remember is that you and your Fiance made these decisions together, are committed to seeing them through, and know that they are absolutely right for you. That’s all the matters. Family and friends so often have different expectations for us, but now that you are getting married, you and your Fiance are your own family and have to make your own decisions, even if others don’t approve, understand, or support these decisions. Ultimately, you are the only two in your relationship, and no one outside of it can determine what’s best for you. As hard as it is, try to tune out the naysayers and focus on being excited about having made the right decisions for your future.
Post # 7
Even though everyone is expecting you to be the one who moves (because you’re totally right that most people will expect the little woman to pick and move to be with her big, strong man) I think it’s awesome that your fiancee is willing to accommodate you by going to New York. That’s very cool.
My guess is that his family quits being weird about it once he’s actually moved, especially once they hear how happy he is to finally be in the same place as his lady. Besides, New York is awesome and they should be thrilled that they have somewhere to stay.
Post # 8
Wow that really does suck. I moved across the country to be with my husband (at the time neither of us was a provider). In the end, it doesn’t matter what they think, it matters what is best for you. I’m sure the two of you are making the best decision for your relationship and futures.
Post # 9
@sarasouth: I think you’re right, and I also suspect that once he does find a job they’ll be more optimistic about the whole thing (god forbid he be a “kept man”). He recently got a good lead on a position with the parent company of where he’s working now; it’d probably start off as contract, but hey, at least he’d be working.