(Closed) LDS Brides PLEASE help!!!!!

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1184 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

i’m not LDS or even christian, and honestly not even sure why i opened this post, but here’s my thoughts. as brides we are often told that this is OUR day and it is ok to do all of these things that we wouldn’t normally do in the name of our wedding. spend a ton of money, ask others to spend a lot on us, make ourselves the center of attention, obsess about the smallest of details, etc. and for the most part, it’s ok, we’re not hurting anybody (well, maybe our wallets). but i don’t want to look back on my wedding and regret the toll this one day took on my life or others’ lives. if you truly don’t think modesty is something you can fully embrace in your life than by all means, do what you want as far as your dress goes on your wedding day, but don’t use your wedding as an excuse to abandon your values for one day. you’ll probably look back on it with regret.

Post # 4
Member
2395 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I have a little sister in your situation right now.  She is having the hardest time finding a modest dress that she likes.  She is so in love with the strapless dress style, but as we know, you can’t exactly where a strapless dress and go through the temple. 🙂  I have done A TON of searching/googling of temple ready dresses and was seriously shocked at some of the cute ones I was finding.  I’m not really a fan of the “cookie cutter” LDS type dress, but some of the necklines/top of the dress are truly stunning.  I have a feeling if you keep on looking, you will find something that you will LOVE that will also be modest. 

As for the struggling to have the desire to be modest…first thing I want to say is don’t beat yourself up.  Nobody is perfect and we all have our struggles.  You sound like you are doing so wonderful.  Considering I grew up in the church, I learned about the teachings of church my whole life and in someways it’s second nature to me…even though, like normal people, I still have my struggles.  As a convert, this is something new to your life and I am so happy to hear how great you are doing.  If modesty is something you really are struggling with, talk with your Bishop or any close friends they have.  Your Bishop is there to help you out with any problems or concerns you may have.  I went and talked to mine right after my Darling Husband and I got engaged and he was WONDERFUL.  He set my mind at ease about so many things.  They may be able to put things into perspective for you.  Being married/sealed in the temple was the best experience of my life.  So many people ask why I adhere to so many “rules” of the church…Well, it’s because I believe in them.  Don’t jeopardize that wonderful blessing that you will receive in the temple for a momentary desire…Chances are, in 10, 20, 30 years, you will really really regret your decisions.  It’s like, you are making such an important covenant, then in a way, breaking it the minute you change into your dress.  There is advice I want to give, but don’t feel comfortable posting it here…Please feel free to private message me if you would like to talk.  I was just sealed to my wonderful husband back in November, so I can offer some insight. 🙂

Post # 5
Member
71 posts
Worker bee

Forgive me for chiming in as I’m an LDS MOB whose dd just got married.  Is this a temple wedding?  You may feel a little differently as you take some temple prep classes or talk with your bishop and learn more about the step you are taking.  They talk about an outward sign of an inward commitment.  If you are not ready to take the step, find the ways to reach that readiness, because it’s not just about a photo on your wedding day, and you will want to be absolutely sure you want this commitment.  Then when you go to the temple individually you will be taught more there and can ask questions too.  It just may not be as easy for you to give up that part of your life since you haven’t been taught that way from childhood.

Some day your future daughter will want to see your bridal pictures and will have questions about your wedding day feelings, your dress, etc.  You’ll be a beautiful bride and your dh will adore you.  It doesn’t have anything to do with what’s on your shoulders. 

Post # 7
Member
2395 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

@Miss Redhot:  Hey there!  Finally was just able to respond to your email.  Periwinkle had a VERY good point about your future daughters looking at your pictures…Us LDS couples tend to have that iconic temple picture with our husbands on our wedding day and it’s something we all enjoy showing off.  Just try to think of the message you’ll be sending to your family/kids…married in the temple…but not too much later, dressing in a way that wouldn’t be appropriate in the temple, much less even on temple grounds. 

If you feel like you can’t talk to your Bishop, maybe try the RS President.  I was super lucky to have a great one in my hometown.  LOVED her and she was always such a good example/friend to me.  Also, maybe take the temple prep class again…If anything, just so it will be a refresher course.  I took it two or three times before I got married.  Also, if you’ve received your endowments (which I think you said you did), try going to the temple as often as you can. 

Remember, that even members that have been in the church their whole lives have struggles.  You are not alone in your struggles. 

Post # 8
Member
271 posts
Helper bee

LDS haved changed their rules a lot over the past decades, let’s say your daughter is at a marrying age in 30 years, chances are, the rules will have changed again. Don’t make a decision for your daughter, make it for yourself.

Post # 9
Member
449 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I am not LDS, but I prefer having sleeves and I don’t like to show cleavage. I think if you find a modest dress you think and feel beautiful in you won’t feel like you’re missing out by not going strapless. I love a lot of the dresses on http://www.beautifullymodest.com and suggest you check them out. In the end I decided to have my dress made because I am out of the country.

Post # 10
Member
570 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2009

Talk to Mrs. Avocado!  She would be a great person for advice on this one.  Her blog is thatwifeblog.com.  She could totally help you!

 

Post # 11
Member
561 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Cant_wait:Wow I’m not LDS or even close, but that site has some gorgeous dresses!

Post # 12
Member
2395 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

@wellykiwi: I don’t know what rules have been changed over the years, but the core values of the church will never change.  We say to remember her kids, only because of the values we truly believe in.  It seems over the years, certain religions have relaxed their standards to conform more to what society believes…while, our standards are the same as they were when the church was founded.  We believe that it’s very important to set a good example for those around us.  That our actions don’t just affect us, but those that might be looking to us for guidance (our kids, siblings, friends, etc) may either gain strength or weakness depending on the example we set forth.

Post # 14
Member
71 posts
Worker bee

Wellykiwi, this is a thread for Miss Redhot to talk about her feelings, not one for bashing LDS with an anti-Mormon website.  Please don’t go there.

I agree that we all go through different issues with commandments and our strength in following them.  None of us is perfect and we are all just trying to stay on the path, so don’t beat yourself up.  When I mentioned thinking about how your dd would feel, it’s because teenagers especially do look at signs that your actions match your words.  Seeing the reality that we do make some sacrifices and we are different, yet happy = big teaching tool down the road.

You might consider what it is about the strapless look of the dress is a draw for you – do you want to look like you fit in fashionwise with other brides, or is it more sexy looking, or is it more flattering to your figure that way?  Think about it yourself.  Then talk with your fiance about how he imagines you looking on your wedding day.  Chances are it’s not about the dress at all. 

I wish you lots of happiness and that you feel amazingly beautiful on your day!

Post # 15
Member
2395 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

@wellykiwi:  I have found if you ever want to know something about a certain religion, go to the source….the actual religion (or a member of the church)….not another outside source.  If I want to know what a Baptist belives, I will ask a Baptist.  If I want to know what a catholic believes, I will ask a Catholic.  If you want to know what a mormon believes, ask a mormon (trust me, we love to talk about our religion).  You would not belive the CRAZY things I have heard over the years from people who try to tell me what my religion believes.  It never ceases to amaze me.  Yes, certain things have changed….we no longer practice polygamy (can’t remember the exact date that was done away with, but i’m pretty sure it was well over 100 years ago), African Americans are allowed to hold the priesthood (I think this change took place in the 60s…but then again, I could be wrong on the date)…but the fundamental beliefs and values of the church have remained the same…

Post # 16
Member
4419 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I don’t share your religion, but I do understand the struggle of being true to your faith and living with your own ideals. It’s not easy, and it’s often hard to understand why our chosen faith doesn’t approve of some things.

My suggestion would be to talk to someone you are comfortable with at your church, someone that you know is well versed in your faith, but who is also open-minded to listen to your feelings without judging you. Ask them to explain to you the reason for the modesty thing and exactly what they mean by it. Show that person your dress, and explain what you want to do. Maybe you will find out that your strapless dress is perfectly acceptable.

My thought is if you are feeling guilty about not wearing your bolero in all the pictures, that you might want to rethink taking it off. You don’t want to look at your pictures in the future and wish you hadn’t. On the other hand, you don’t want wish you had either.

Also, you should talk to your photographer and find out if there is a way the poses could be done to make the pictures as modest as possible.

Again, I suggest talking to someone at your church. They are there to guide you, and I’m sure they will be open to hearing your concerns.

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