(Closed) Leaning Toward the Door…I

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
185 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I totally get it.

Post # 4
Member
2790 posts
Sugar bee

I will have to go back and read some of your posts but I honestly know the feeling. Loving someone but knowing that what they can give you is just not what is going to fullfill you. I’m proud of you for taking these steps towards a future that you want rather than staying even though you know your not moving forward. I really hope that this betters your life. I’m proud of you!

Post # 5
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee

Stuff like this saddens me. I haven’t followed your threads/situation, but did your man tell you he won’t work to meet those needs? 

Post # 6
Member
2790 posts
Sugar bee

I just read that the 2 of you are 50. Is this correct? Because then I absolutely understand. 3 years is a great amount of time at your age to know and understand if you want to marry someone. I would have had enough as well if I were you.

Post # 7
Member
1339 posts
Bumble bee

Hi!  I’m in the same boat.  I’m planning my escape soon…..

From your past posts I honestly always thought you were settling.  I was too so I get that. 

This part though….It’s in a perfect neighborhood for what I need. It would be a one year lease, which I don’t know if I could break if I needed to by getting another person to fulfill the remainder of the lease. (This is if we got engaged/married or more likely if I made enough for a private apartment.)  From what you wrote why would you even break the lease if he proposed?  He won’t fulfill your needs anymore if you were engaged.  I would just move out and move on.  Just my 2 cents.

Post # 8
Member
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

In reading some of your other posts, I’m sorry to hear what’s happening.  If you two have been together for 3 years, he has now become comfortable.  Has he always lacked in giving you laughter, companionship, emotional and physical intimacy??? or has it been this way recently because you long for commitment?

I feel that when you have come to the age that you are at then what is there to decide on? As people get older they realize what they want in their life.  Is he the commitment type? In my opinion, 3 years is long enough to evaluate a relationship.  Living together becomes a habit and some men feel that you are already living there so why rock the boat with marriage.  He is getting what he wants without consideration for you.

Talk to him one final time about the subject, avoid giving him ultimatums as they often backfire.

Post # 9
Member
355 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Do it!!! I totally understand. I bet once you seperate yourself from him and get out there on your own, you will start feeling better. I am sorry you are having to go through this though. *hugs*

Post # 10
Member
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I hope you will do this with a time committment on your end and use this as an opportunity to find yourself and the relationship you want.  I think if he proposed three weeks after you move in you should not move back in with him until the wedding or until your lease is up.

Post # 11
Member
248 posts
Helper bee

Go for it and love that you are strong willed enough to do that for yourself!!! I just did the same thing just over a month ago and I actually love what it has done for my relationship! My SO and I are so much better together now and I love having my own apartment. I refuse to move back in with him until we are engaged and I told him that I could kick him to the curb at any time (it just doesn’t mean that I will wait around forever for him to propose).

Post # 12
Member
493 posts
Helper bee

I totally understand and I don’t blame you. Trust me I had a deadline myself. It was yesterday which was our 4 year anniversary. And even though we aren’t engaged yet I know he has the ring because I went with him to get it 17 days ago. Hang in there and go with what your heart tells you. What’s meant to be will be. Good luck!!!

Post # 13
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I read a few of your old posts and I think if you are ready, it’s time…and it sounds like you are ready.  I think you will feel better.  I know it is a big decision because if he wants you back, you are stuck in a year lease, but you guys already seem so disconnected from one another, I think that even if you get back together, you should LIVE apart for awhile.  He sounds like the type of guy that just doesn’t want to get married.  I’m sorry. 🙁  But, I think you will be much happyier when you do this – like a weight has been lifted!

Post # 14
Member
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

Honestly, the first thing I thought was “you go, girl!”

It always makes me happy when women decide what it is they need, and then go after it with all their hearts, even when it’s scary and painful at the time. We are all rooting for you and will be here if/when you need us.

Post # 15
Member
100 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@mermaideve: I’ve read some of your posts to get a backstory.  I’m so sorry that it has come to this.  But happy for you at the same time… taking ownership for what you need in life.  I can’t say if I were in your shoes I don’t know if I could do the same.

I wish you the best of luck.

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