(Closed) Leap Frogging a relative's wedding date…ok?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Is it ok to get engaged and married before his cousin's wedding which follows their 2 yr engagement?
    Yes, no worries! : (34 votes)
    24 %
    No, absolutely not! : (9 votes)
    6 %
    Yes, but be conscious of the date...no closer than a month or 2 before. : (97 votes)
    69 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    11342 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    If the cousin’s wedding is at the end of July, I would strive to have your wedding by late June or not until the end of August.  I would try to have a one-month buffer on either side, if possible.

    Post # 4
    Member
    299 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I agree with the one month buffer.  If they insist on anything more than that or get huffy about it, they’re being unreasonable. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    5547 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: December 2011

    People need to learn unless you are Zeus or Thor, you have no thunder to steal. However if you have a lot of family overlap, make sure you have your wedding a few months before so it isn’t like wedding weekends back to back. One gets a wedding DAY, I’ll even give them, wedding weekend, not season, not month, not year. People’s lives move at different paces. Just don’t plan it for like 2 weeks before and if they freak out, it is their petty issue to deal with.  

    Post # 6
    Member
    275 posts
    Helper bee

    I think you need to be worried if there are guests you both share that are coming out of state. It would be nice to give them more time off between weddings so they can save for flights. I don’t feel like a one month buffer is enough if you do have out of state guests. If you don’t have that concern planning your wedding for after theirs is really the polite way to go about it.

    Post # 7
    Member
    1765 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    As long as there’s a buffer of one-two months in between, that should be fine! You get one day.. so having them close isn’t a huge deal. The only issue is when family has to travel to both weddings, so having them a few months apart is better.

    Post # 8
    Member
    4653 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I dont see anything wrong with it as long as you give a month to 2 months inbetween weddings…. but it is summer now so if you are planning on a spring wedding you would have to wait for 2013 either way…

    Post # 9
    Member
    2699 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    They chose a long engagement – not you! You can get married whenever you like. Giving a month or 2 between events would be preferable but you really don’t have to wait until they’re married.

     

    Post # 10
    Member
    3995 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2018

    I agree with the one month buffer but it’s always going to be difficult when it’s family and you have some of the same guests. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    9627 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2019

    definitely have at least one month between, preferably more, have yours May at the latest or the end of August at the earliest

    Post # 12
    Member
    4046 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    While logically May or June is fine ,  l might err on the safe side just to avoid hurt feelings, no matter how unreasonable. If I were you I’d avoid May and June altogether. I’s try to spread it out and choose April or March. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    1854 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I think that it depends.  if their is a lot of major travel involved for the family for both weddings and if there are people in your family that are in a money hardship 2 months might not be enough time to save up and go to both.

     

    Think about all the traveling the family will have to do and think honestly about how much it could take out of the family physically and money wise. If you all live close? Psh. 2 months is no biggie. If you all live 100’s of mile’s from one another? Be prepaired for some backlash.

     

    I personally think it’s rude to have 2 weddings so close when extensive travel is involved.

    Post # 14
    Member
    2708 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @chasesgirl:  <— Exactly this!  It’s perfectly fine to get engaged and married before they do.  Just make sure you have some buffer so as not to burden your shared guests.

    Post # 15
    Member
    544 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I had a very similar situation in which my young cousin got engaged about 3 years ago but they decided to not get married until after college — so Sept 1, 2012…I ended up getting engaged last August and I took her wedding date into huge consideration when we picked out date (10/13/12).  Even though she is the youngest, she is the first granddaughter to be engaged and I felt it was right to let her be the first granddaughter to get married…on the plus side, we only share about 15 similar guests, and they are all local, so I don’t have to worry about that.   We had momentarily discussed an Aug 4th date b/c it was the only Saturday available in 2012 with one of our favorite venues, and I called my cousin and her mom to see if they had an issue with us setting the date prior to hers; they said they didn’t, but in the end we decided we didn’t really want a summer wedding anyway and stuck with the later date.

    I think a month (depending on how many would have to travel), is a good buffer…and of course talking to the other couple and getting their feelings on the situation is never a bad idea.

    Post # 16
    Member
    1 posts
    Wannabee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    I’ve had a 2 year engagement. It wasn’t our choice to do it that way.We had a wedding planned and his father died suddenly in the fire that burned our house down.

    My cousin got engaged and married during my engagement. It made feel awful. My wedding is less important to the family because he rushed his.

     

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