Post # 1
Before the wedding I weighed 147lbs and months leading up to the wedding, i was soooooo determine to be a beautiful bride, I joined a gym and weighed 127lbs on my wedding day. I never looked more beautiful.
its been about a year since I have been married I have packed on 30lbs, my hair is all broken and in a mess, I just cant seem to get it together….smh. I am soo disappointed in the way I present myself to the world. I actually do all I could to avoid friends seeing me because I’d be rich if I had a dollar for everytime some told me i got fat or I let myself go.
My husband is very loving and tells me he loves me just the way I am, but I dont have a photo from our first year of marriage, thats how bad it is. I dress like a poor beggar because all my lovely outfits are too small for me and am in denial. I refuse to buy bigger clothes. When i buy clothes i buy it in a small size becuase I keep telling myslef I will lose the weight.
I do believe that i wouldbe happier if i was comfortable with how I looked, but for some reason i cant do it. i have tons of exercise dvd from beachbody, jilian michaels and denise austin but I complain and feel sorry for myself more than try to do something about it and dont even talk about my diet….its horrible
Ladies please learn from my mistake and control your weight after the wedding because its much more difficult to lose once u pack it on like i did.
Post # 3
@Mrs Scott to be: Aww, honey… I’m sorry you’re feeling so badly!
First thing is first: what’s done is done, and you are who you are right this second. Embrace that for what it is, and get yourself a couple of outfits that actually fit you NOW. Limit yourself to a few, especially if you intend to not fit them for long. But you still deserve clothing, regardless of your size.
Next: Ok, so you have DVDs to help you along your journey. But you don’t have to start with them if you feel you can’t make it through one. Why not take leisure walks for 15 minutes a day when you soak up the sights, sounds, and smells of your neighborhood. It’s better than nothing, and it’ll get you moving. After you’ve done this for a predetermined amount of time, try a DVD exercise, perhaps? See how far you get into it, and try to add a few minutes each week.
There is no reason why this shouldn’t be an enjoyable process of self discovery. Rather than beating yourself up for what is DONE, why not praise yourself for what you ARE DOING when you do something well?
It’s a marathon, not a sprint. And it’s a continuum, not an end. Give yourself permission to let yesterday go, and focus on today.
Post # 4
wow…thats the best advise anyone has ever given me.
i need to forgive myself and stop punishing myself for gaining weight. I love when u say I deserve clothing at my size now…i really have been putting off life until i lost the weight.
I swear, i will print your response and read it every morning.
Post # 5
I second the previous poster, what great advise. I would like to add a tip that helped me, when you eat something heavy and are feeling that regret take a moment to really let out the disappointment . You know like I’m so mad that I had that fgthjfthjngdx, yell whatever. Then say to yourself out loud that ok that’s done now back to healthy eating, just like if you were giving the pep talk to a friend. You will be shocked at how much easier it is to keep going. Saying it all out loud keeps you from internalizing it and if your like me, anytime I ate unhealthy I gave up. Took this from a trainer and it’s been invaluable. Best of luck and you are being way to hard on yourself 🙂
Post # 6
@Mrs Scott to be: Of course you deserve clothes that fit. When you deny yourself basic creature comforts like this, the underlying message you give yourself is this:
- At this size, I am unworthy of love for myself, or taking care of myself.
- I am not and will not be worthy until I fit a size (whatever the size is that you DO buy)
That’s a slippery slope to travel down, because it’s a shame spiral. The worse you feel about one aspect of life, the more it influences other areas (like seeing friends, feeling worthy, leaving the house, or taking the time to plan meals) until you’re constantly beating yourself needlessly.
But the great thing is you have the power to end it, and you have a great community here at your disposal that will pull you out from the worst of it when you’re feeling down on yourself.
Post # 7
First off, stop beating yourself up. You are not the first girl who has gone thru this, and you won’t be the last. The first year of marriage can be tough on a lot of people, emotionally for some, physically for others. The fact that you’ve come thru that and still are together is what you should be proud of… the achievement of your love and commitment to each other !!
They say statistically that when it comes to Newlyweds men lose weight (because they are now eating healthier) and women gain weight (because we are hanging out with guys who tend to like to indulge in a lot more “treats”). And there is a balancing act going on here (just like every other aspect of the 1st Year of Marriage)… trying to find a set point where us gals can indulge reasonably in relation to our different metabolisms than our partners.
@StuporDuck: is right… and gave you great advice !!
The embrace your body, whatever the size, is what many of the Self-Help Exercise Gurus are now professing. If you don’t feel good about who you are now, you won’t feel great about who you are later (remember that inside your head you are the same person).
You have to feel good about you, in order to find the motivation and self-love that is needed to keep the willpower going to get you thru any weight loss or exercise program.
So get yourself to the mall… and find a few things you love… at the same time, get yourself a haircut and pick up something to boost your beauty too (be that lipstick, perfume, new hair product). You don’t have to go out and spend oodles of cash here… just as long as you come away feeling better about yourself.
Also, it is true that in the end you have to do it own (willpower) … but you don’t have to start there. One of the best methods for success is to find yourself a buddy (or buddies). This is part of the reason that organizations like Weight Watchers or Curves works… there is support. You can even find that support on-line if you don’t want to join an outside organization. There are tons of great weight loss and exercise forums on the Internet. Including a couple right here on WBee.
Hope this helps,
Post # 8
I am so moved by all the support I really want to cry. Its amazing how total strangers can be so supportive and how friends/family can discourage you.
Thanks for the advise. I will try this technique when i fall off the wagon.
i cant thank you again. I makes sense to me now. I can now move forward and stop looking back. you are heaven-sent
@This Time Round:
when u said that i should be thankful that i will soon be celebrating my one year anniversary I wanted to cry. I am really blessed and my husband is a wonderful loving man. my focus has been off.
I love you guys
Post # 9
@StuporDuck: Great response! I love the positivity!! Thank you!
@Mrs Scott to be: I too am in a “weight rut”, right now. I am soon to be married (in 10 months) so, I need to start getting my butt in high gear. You are so right about it being harder to lose than it is to gain. I have also noticed that getting older does NOT help with getting the weight off. I do however, think when our significant others say that they love us just the way we are, that they are being genuine and honest. It’s really how WE are looking at our outward appearance but, we are the same person on the inside. Yup, the same person they fell in love with and are still in love with. 🙂
I’m also going to take @JulesSchnooks wonderful advise. Please know that you are not alone and with perserverance and determination, we will reach our weight loss goals!!
Post # 10
@Mrs Scott to be: If it makes you feel any better, your husband fell in love with you when you were within ten pounds of what you weigh now. If he could love you at that weight, and loves you still, that might help you to love yourself. Besides, unless you’re quite short, that is still a plenty healthy weight to be at.
Post # 12
@Mrs Scott to be: I was talking, like, 3’9″. 😀
If you are truly uncomfortable with how you look, I’d recommend the South Beach diet. I lost about 40 lbs doing that. I used to be like a size 18, so I know what it feels like to not be comfortable with the way you look. No matter what you decide to do, chances are there’s at least a few other bees doing the same thing who can support you.
Post # 13
I know how you feel. I gained about 20 pounds after we got married and lost all the muscle tone I developed before the wedding. What really kicked me into shape was joining and exercise group. We met three times a week and I was paying a decent amount of money so it motivated me to work out since I didn’t want to waste the money that I spent.
I agree with others, quit beating yourself up and go out and get your hair done and make yourself feel nice. You are still beautiful even if you have gained some weight and your husband loves you anyway!
Post # 14
To be honest, I think the no new clothes in punishment for the weight. But I thinkyou’ll be inspired to love your new body n a great outfit, or you’ll feel good nough to go workout. Go get your hair done and deal with the present.
You are important at 100lbs or at 300lbs and you don’t want to end up depressed or causing further problems in your life or marriage!!!
Chin up, find out he to be happy right now to get yourself where you want to be.
Post # 15
I too have been down this road. I was 117 when I first got pregnant, I gained 50 pounds and have only lost about 10 of those pounds 🙁 I feel huge, ugly, and unattractive at times. I have come to terms with it and have recently tried losing weight. I have changed my diet drastically (I started slowly a few months ago) and am starting to see a huge difference. It takes a while to get into it again but you can do it!! We’re all here for you!!!
@StuporDuck: I just have to say that you gave wonderful advice!!! You are so positive and make me want to take better care of myself!! Lol!