(Closed) Learn from my (wedding) fail

posted 6 years ago in Beehive
Post # 92
Member
66 posts
Worker bee

^ everdeen has it right!  At my brother’s wedding (7th of 8 brothers), I was the attire mistress.  Lint roller, tied ties, polished shoes, deodorant, made sure they tucked shirts in, had extra razors, toothbrushes and socks on hand, etc. If the boys are all sneaker wearers, long black athletic socks will be hidden 98% of the time and not noticeable at any point really, then they won’t whine about sweaty, uncomfortable, slippery socks. Why those normally intelligent men couldn’t even remember basics like toothbrushes, I have no idea.  If wearing light colored slacks, have some boxers that won’t be visible, or the best man will wear red plaid boxers under pale gray dress pants.

From a friend’s wedding and my experience as a bartender –

If serving alcohol and you have a known alcoholic guest, hire a bartender who actually bartends for a living. They’ll know how to cut people off when needed.  Or you’ll call 911 when Grandpa passes out drunk and hits his head.

Also from her wedding –

If any dress is low cut in front or back, toupee tape and butt glue are your friend.  Or you’ll be seeing more of your drunk maid of honor than expected. 

From FBIL’s wedding –

When wearing your grandmother’s pearls, either know how to restring them properly or pay someone who does. Thank God no pearls were lost when the newly restrung without knots necklace broke.

If going with an over bustle, even if you adore the single point look – have at least three points.  Two can be in the drape right below the top point, but the single point is really hard to stay intact. Either it’s too much weight at one point, or the fabric is too delicate.  When the hem is stepped on, it will fail. Safety pins are more visible than three points.

An ex friends debacle –

Outdoor weddings in August are HOT. Extremely so. Start your ceremony on time, keep it short, have hand fans, shade and cold water (all of which the site strongly encouraged)  Starting 48 minutes late with a 93 minute ceremony that has no shade, water, fans or programs to use as fans means guests will have to leave before you show up, and at least 12 will puke from heat during the ceremony, including one of five readers during his reading, two still drunk groomsmen and a very hungover bridesmaid. 

The reception entertainment shouldn’t be the bride and groom screaming about how the ungrateful guests left, then proceeding to get drunk and having a physical fight resulting in police being called, both idiots getting pepper sprayed and sitting in jail.

When trying to duck vendor bills, cutting your home phone and giving the wrong cell phone number and address doesn’t work when the tired, pissy, newly single and slightly drunk maid of honor finds the equally single caterer assistant to be smoking hot and has a filthy snogfest with him, while making plans to drag him to her hotel room. In her extreme annoyance of your bull, she’ll give the hot assistant your correct number and address, the bride’s mother’s phone number and all three idiots (bride, groom and mom) work numbers.  It really doesn’t work when caterer has a shark lawyer mother.

I will say I’m glad I didn’t blow off the reception, since the Hottie McHotterson is now my fiance. No, we didn’t do anything that night other than the snog and grope fest as he claimed I was way too drunk then. Couldn’t let go of a wonderful, decent man.

Post # 93
Member
1720 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

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YesSnakes:  You’re my new favorite 🙂 I’m glad your snogfest turned into a relationship.  At least something good happened at the wedding!!  P.S. new favorite word=Snogfest

I love this thread, great tips!!!

Post # 94
Member
66 posts
Worker bee

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alyssaC:  total agreement on favorite word here! Or I just love snogfests with Dear Fiance. But it’s a British term, heard it on several BBC shows. It’s “just” kissing, granted my filthy version had my tounge halfway down Mr Hottie’s throat, my leg up around his butt, grabbing his butt and leaving slight scratches on his back while being held against a wall. I shouldn’t drink while cranky, I turn slightly slutty. Which is probably obvious as I was all over Dear Fiance about 2 hours after seeing him for the first time. Didn’t do anything further for two weeks, but then he was going on deployment, so yeah. Which was faster than my normal still.

Post # 95
Member
3638 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

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YesSnakes:  Best wedding bee story ever! 

Post # 96
Member
66 posts
Worker bee

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hollyberry4:  BTDT but I was 22 and well, even the bride couldn’t exactly walk either. I know all us girls were barefoot because heels were dangerous! Weddings at wineries/distilleries/beer makers/etc are not a good idea always. 

Post # 98
Member
998 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Make sure you let your day of coordinator know that regardless of what the DJ claims, he is NOT allowed to help himself to the open bar. 

Post # 99
Member
998 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

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YesSnakes:  Agree with the fans for the outdoor wedding. We went to an outdoor wedding last weekend in the south and it was HOT. I was literally drenched in sweat. Thank goodness I brought a card with me to use as a fan because it started about 20 min late and we had to stand up the entire time. Miserable. 

Post # 100
Member
66 posts
Worker bee

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Laurenplusalex:  Oh, our wedding will be nothing like that mess. If only because I will have Nonna going “Paisley Shannon Eileen, you know better than this! Put on your company manners and be a good host!” if she’s not too upset or “Paisley, young lady, please refrain from bringing that shameless behavior in public. You’re just hurting me.” in a freaking quiet, reasonable voice that is about a million times worse. Then Grandma going “Now Paisley dear, is this how you were raised?”  Ugh. No way do I want those refrains. Those are the worse punishment ever.

SIL mentioned another one I’d forgotten about.  If your flower girl is in the middle of potty training, have her in a pull up or diaper.  Only reason it wasn’t an awful mess is her aunt (bride’s sister) was a runner and sprinted her to the restroom. 

Post # 101
Member
2480 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

This wasn’t a fail at my wedding but it could have been and I have been at weddings where it was.

So when you know that one of the extended family finds it difficult not to drink everything that hasn’t been nailed down, don’t wait until he gets to the shouty stage. Instead, ensure that someone is quietly delegated to keep an occasional eye out and steer him in a homewards direction before other guests get the chance to be shouted, incoherently at!

We did have a professionally run open bar but this particular guest had cheerfully taken advantage of other people collecting his drinks. As he usually does. So at such a crowded event he was able to get well into his cups without the bar staff having a chance to stop serving him. Thank goodness for a son who was a publican and who can discreetly ease a drunk off the premises without them noticing what’s happening or have the chance to object!

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 9 months ago by  .
Post # 102
Member
3638 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

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Laurenplusalex:  This made me laugh, I really do think that the minimum every bride should aim for is a puke free wedding. Hahahaha. 

For any Gilmore Girl fans it reminds me of Lane: “oh good! It’s every girl’s dream to hear ‘I’ll remove the pants’ from the lady altering her wedding dress!” 

Post # 103
Member
66 posts
Worker bee

Well, heat and alcohol related puking at least.  Nerves may win, silly brother. 

I swear, I can go to nice, normal weddings. 

Post # 104
Member
984 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I love this thread so much lol

Post # 105
Member
37 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2015

These are hilarious! Following!

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