(Closed) Learned Something About Myself

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 18
707 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

That’s such an amazing feeling, I’m sure! So happy for you! *hugs*

The guy I dated before Fiance wasn’t physically abusive, but probably could be considered mentally abusive. He would make me feel like crap about what I ate or if I didn’t go to the gym, he didn’t like the way I laughed, the way I talked (he told me I needed to say “pardon me” instead of “what?” if I didn’t hear something he said, etc.)…he pretty much made me feel like I needed to change everything about myself in order to be good enough for him. Fiance was such a breath of fresh air, just knowing that he loves me exactly as I am. And he tells me to eat the last cookie!

Post # 19
2137 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Sunfire this totally made me tear up! i am soo happy that you found someone that loves and treats you how you deserve. Sealed

Post # 20
2699 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Everything I read from you shows how great you two are together ๐Ÿ™‚ You always seem so happy! I’m sorry you almost ran into a snake (ugh) but I’m pleased something positive came from it…it’s the little things:)

Post # 22
1029 posts
Bumble bee

Glad you’re ok, sweetie! This totally sounds like something that would happen with me and my SO. I was not physically abused by my ex, but I did have anxiety issues with men because of my abusive father. I instantly knew what you meant when you said you had a sensitive “startle reflex” when anyone raised their voice or did anything slightly aggressive. My SO’s family is really loud and pushy, and whenever his dad starts yelling, I’m instantly sent back to my childhood with my dad. Luckily, my SO has never yelled at me, so I think we’ll be ok.

I’m glad he was so alert! I would have stepped right on it!

Post # 23
7605 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Your post made me well up and get all mushy looking.  I am SO happy for you. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 24
367 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

What a lovely story!

If my man pushed me, I’d automatically have thought he was getting playful/fiesty and would have gone to push him back! Wouldn’t have been the best thing with a snake near us! ๐Ÿ™‚

My ex was very emotionally and verbally abusive (and a few times physically, though that’s when I decided enough!). Because of that relationship, I had a really hard time learning to express my feelings; my ex would ALWAYS make me feel bad about myself when I would share feelings, especially any insecurities.

I knew Darling Husband was my guy when I shared my first ‘girl crazy’ insecurity with him. I was keeping my feelings concealed from him as much as possible, but somehow I seemed to get paired with a man who can read me like a book (even over the phone or in email/text, it’s uncanny!). He asked me what was up and would not let up – eventually I just spilled the beans, sharing a huge insecurity I was feeling, and waited for him to tell me I was crazy, or being a bitch, or to just get over it. Obviously, he didn’t do any of those things, but instead expressed he was sorry I was feeling that way and then said a bunch of things to build me up and make me feel SECURE. I knew then that I’d better not let this one go!

To this day, even when we have disagreements, he is SO respectful of my feelings and point of view. I am so thankful that men like this DO exist and I managed to snag one! Sounds like you did too, Sunfireand you deserve every ounce of your happiness!

Post # 27
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Your post gave me chills and I am so happy that you got out of that abusive relationship and are in a healthy loving one. 

I pray that other abused woman out there find their way out. 


Post # 29
7682 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@Sunfire:  So glad for you, that you are in such a loving relationship -and that you didn’t step on a poisonous snake!  yes, and prayers added for other women in abusive relationships that they have the strength to move on.

Post # 30
3367 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

Your post sounds so familiar!  I spent way too many years in abuse, and I have PTSD.  My husband has empowered me and given me my life back.  I was amazed the first time we had a fight and he sat there calmly.  Because of his calm, thoughtful behavior, I was able to see how out-of-proportion my reactions had become… I was always prepared to fight, protect myself, or run.  My body and brain were overloaded with anxiety.  I really thought I had lost my mind because I was scared all the time, but the more I lived in a safe, peaceful environment, the more I was able to remember who I was before the abuse.  I actually had a moment, standing on the stairs in his apartment (when we were dating), where I realized the change that was taking place because of him and that’s when I knew he was the man to spend my life with. 

Post # 31
3580 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Honey, I am soooooo excited and proud of you.  And it pleases me to no end that this particular man is the person that cured you.  Complete trust – it’s awesome, isn’t it?  ๐Ÿ™‚


Edited for redonk spelling of very simple words.

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