Post # 1
maybe not a good place for this question, but i need support / advice and have no one to talk to about this.
i have been married for 5 years to the most wonderful man. we knew each other for almost 2 years before we got married. he is attentive and devoted and romantic and intelligent and funny.. and quirky and eccentric and a bit OCD about some things! LOL
at any rate, we each have our own email addresses, but we share one old address for sites that require an address, and quite frankly for people whom we do not wish to have our address.
5 weeks ago, i opened the “fake” email and found where he had answered a posting on craigslist for gay sex. he told this person he was curious about oral sex with a guy.
needless to say, i was beyond shocked. this is the most “manly” man in and out of the bedroom that i’ve ever known. he told me he did it out of boredom and thinking it was kind of funny. i told him i found nothing funny about it and if he was curious about gay sex, i had no idea what to do.
he was on a camping trip with his brothers when i told him i found out. they have commented several times since then that he seemed really upset and didnt seem to enjoy the trip – coming home the very next morning
he has cried and apologized and swore nothing like that would ever happen again. he’s been miserable, i’ve been miserable.
he’s trying so hard.. and i feel like i’m faking it. how long till i quit thinking he’s e-cheating every time i’m not around? how long till i quit feeling doubt?
ANY input appreciated.
Post # 3
This sounds like a really frustruating experience, honey. I’m really sorry!
From the sound of your post, it doesn’t sound like you may have gotten to the bottom of the situation. Was he truly responding to the post out of boredom? Or is his struggling with something deeper than that? In a caring, loving, way, I might confront him about why he was responding to the post in the first place if that issue has not been solved. Make sure you let him know that you’re not just concerned because he did something behind your back, but you truly care about what’s going on with him, what he might be struggling with, and how you can be supportive. He may feel better about being completely honest and vulnerable after you voice how much you care about him, outside of what he may have done to hurt you. If you still don’t feel like trust is restored and still feel weird, maybe talk to a neutral third party, like a counselor. You deserve to feel trust in your relationship!
Post # 4
I don’t think you’ve gotten to the bottom of it either. Lots of otherwise straight guys are curious about experimenting with other men, and if he is then I think he needs to be honest about it with you. It might be hard to hear, but you need to make it safe for him to be honest so you can figure out what to do next. All the best, I can’t imagine how confused you must be feeling.
Post # 5
Oh wow. I am sorry you found that and I am sorry he did that. I think you may have to ask him to reveal the truth to you. Whether it be curiosity or just a stupid game (which is hard to believe). Try not to get too worked up over it. I may want to have or am curious about having a sexual encounter with a person of the same sex BUT that does not mean I have to act on it. It also doesn’t mean that I would act on it because I love my Fiance and I enjoy our life together as it is. Of course there is something more to you husband’s story and you will have to get to the bottom of it quickly. He could be Bi-sexual, he may not be. I am hoping he will be willing to let his guard down to talk to you about it so the two of you can decide what to do about it together. Best of luck to you both!