Post # 1
My former fiance and I were engaged to be married this fall. We had been together for almost two years and engaged for one. Our relationship had always had its ups and downs but after getting engaged we started living together and were contstantly fighting. Most of our fights were about minor things but we would always blow things out of porportion when we fought. Over the summer, he experienced a lot of stress with his job in addition to our fighting and he called off the wedding and broke up with me.
I had never wanted to break up, I couldn’t imagine my life without him so I tried to convince him that we should try to work things out since we still love each other and that I thought with counselling we could learn to deal with our issues. We have been trying to work on things but do not live together right now. We started counselling about a month after our breakup and have been going to that for about two months now. However, things have not improved much. He started going through a depression around the same time of his job stress and our relationship ending and has been feeling this way ever since. On a weekly basis he seems to change his mind about whether or not he wants us to be together. Sometimes he is really great and we have a good time together, but other times he gets upset with me for minor issues and tells me that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship and he doesn’t think things will work out with us. He has said some really hurtful things to me when he has felt low. There have also been times where when he is upset, he will give me the silent treatment and nothing I try to say or do can make him communicate with me. Other times he tells me that he can’t make me happy if he is not happy himself and that I should find someone better than him. I try to reassure him that he does make me happy and that I think he’s a great person. I have tried to suggest ways for him to get help for his depression.
His constant uncertainty about being with me has been really difficult to deal with. I am not sure if he really means the things he says or it’s that he is saying it because he is depressed. I want to support him while he is going through this but he is not taking action to get help. I have tried to maintain the peace with him. I try not to do or say things that might upset him but it feels like walking on eggshells. I still hold out hope that things can work out for us, but that is fading fast these days. Is there anything I can do to make things better?
Post # 2
Leave him! It honestly only sounds like he’s with you because he feels bad. Counseling and staying together were your ideas… It doesn’t sound like he’s interested in staying in the relationship. I’m sorry!
Find someone who wants to be with you.
Post # 3
It’s time to get out of this relationship.
Post # 4
Bee, he’s obviously suffering with his own problems, and he’s right that he can’t and shouldn’t be in a relationship. Depression is serious and horrible, and he definitely needs the opportunity to work through that–and if he wants to do it alone, he should. It doesn’t sound like your relationship is healthy at all. You need to leave.
Post # 5
Ugh, relationships do not have to be this hard. There are 8 BILLION people on the planet. Something like 49% of them have dicks. You do not have to put up with all of this back and forth foolishness from one person in the middle of his own toxic spiral. Tell him “I think you were right to end things when you did. I wish you well.” and move on from this guy. Stay in therapy for yourself- it can be helpful to get a tune up after a relationship ends, especially one that was toxic or filled with drama like it sounds like this one was. Go be happy.
Post # 6
Oh, honey. Love isn’t supposed to be this hard. Move on.
Post # 7
Bee. Your about to get some advice on the bee. Some of it will be tough love and it might be hard to hear. But just think of every bee here is just part of your ever-loving bee girl tribe and everyone just wants the best for you.
He doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you. He’s told you in action and in words. You are being incredibly blind. Not only does he not love you, I don’t think this man even likes you. Couples therapy will not work and actually might make him even stronger in his position. Counselors cannot make someone fall in love with you. Hes not going to snap out of it one day and declare his undying love.
You seem like a incredibly caring person. Free yourself to find someone who values you and reap the rewards of that feeling.
Watch some YouTube videos of iyanla vanzant. Shes very uplifting. Do better bee.
Post # 8
Life is too short. Find someone who wants to be with you!
Post # 9
Leave! This sounds so draining. Constant fighting, walking on eggshells, silent treatment, mean words, not even sure if he wants to be with you… just no. This isn’t worth staying in at all.
Post # 11
Only a few years together and you’re constantly fighting sounds like a big no. Imagine 5 or 10 years from now? I wouldn’t never wanna be with someone who is not confident with being with me. Run.