(Closed) Leaving after 7 years, SO doing cocaine – hard to leave my house and dog LONG fe

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
2574 posts
Sugar bee

All I can say after dating a person who had a serious coke problem RUN and don’t look back

Post # 3
1884 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

jadewalker:  I’m so sorry you’re going through this! Please do not go back. This man abuses you, has anger issues and substance abuse issues – the lack of commitment is the least of your worries. He is not your responsibility and it wouldn’t be your fault if he gets worse – you can’t help him if he doesn’t truly want to change his life.

Is the house in both your names?

Post # 4
46805 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

jadewalker:  Do not go back. Get a lawyer to make sure you get your share of any equity in the house. Get yourself some counselling to help you understand why your self esteem is so low and you are so needy that you would stay in that relationship for so long.

Good luck to you. You need to take care of yourself. He is an adult and responsible for himself.

Post # 5
1043 posts
Bumble bee

Dating someone with a substance abuse is scary. You’re not in a relationship with just him you’re in a relationship with cocaine as well.  Speaking from personal experience I had to get help from a therapist  to understand WHY I stayed. Why did I put up with the abuse. Why I felt the need to save him. Why I made excuses for him. To see him get put together then fall back relapsing. Going to meetings with him. Dealing with his lies. Never knowing what tomorrow brings. Which version of him you’ll come home to. Its not easy but you need to leave. Get counsiling. You’re not responsible for his actions. He needs to hit bottom and get help on his own terms. You are holding the relationship together. In essence you’re enabling him.  You deserve true love. Not this. This isn’t what love it. I hope the home is in your name. If not get a lawyer and sort it out. You’re not married, you have no kids. You can come out of this just fine and move on with your life. Keep us posted!

Post # 6
2574 posts
Sugar bee

I have dated two addicts and let me tell you


if he says he isn’t doing drugs, HE IS

If he says he is not lying, HE IS

If he says he is going to stop doing drugs, HE ISN’T

If he says he wants a future with you, HE DOESN’T

Drug addicts are the most manipulative, lying, selfish people and until he is clean and sober for many years he is going to continue to be like this. I have spent several years learning this hard lession and if I could spare anyone from having to learn the hard way I will. Living with an addict is something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.

The only thing addicts care about is their next high


Post # 7
688 posts
Busy bee

As someone who has dealt with a coke addict and crack addict I think you need to get out of this situation permanently. Call the police if you have to. Tell them he is abusive and you do not feel safe in his prescence. Especially since he has trashed things in the house. He needs help that you cannot give him. It takes a lot for someone like him to change. You are both still young. You have your entire life ahead of you. This is not your fault. This will only get worse.

Post # 8
1912 posts
Buzzing bee

You should have kicked him out, such as to his parents’ house. Is he going to take care of the dog?

I went through something similar with my ex, without the drugs as far as I know but we finally bought the house and lo and behold everything just got worse. We were further from downtown so he wouldn’t come home at all usually, maybe stayed with friends. He ended up just telling me he was unhappy and moving out. By the time he wanted to move back I had moved on. Best thing ever for me really that he was the one to end it so I didn’t have to.  You’re going to have to stay strong to be the one to end it. But this is no way to live your life.

Post # 9
264 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Please run while you still can. I dated a man I was madly in love with… and then when he started acting strange and wouldn’t answer my calls, I walked in on him and a friend doing METH. I found out it had been going on for a while and he had a problem with it in the past. I broke up with him and a few months later he came crawling back saying he was sober. He looked like a freaking zombie, he had lost so much weight and his face was sunken in.  And he was sober until he moved to a different state to be with his daughter and then within a month he was at it again. I have kept tabs on him from long distance over the last year, and all I can tell is that it gets much worse. He can go a few months being sober, but as soon as something negative happens, he goes right back to it and it is so much worse than the time before. Each time he starts to sober up he claims he has had an “ephiphany” and it will never happen again, but I’ve seen the cycle unfold too many times to know that he is lying. He even checked himself into an inpatient rehab, but within a week he busted out. Since he lives out of state and we are not together, I don’t have to deal with him… but those few months when he still lived here and I knew he was on drugs was the worst hell of my life.

Post # 10
1034 posts
Bumble bee

Why do you need to leave? Kick his ass to the curb and stay in YOUR HOUSE with YOUR DOG.  He messed up. He needs to pay the price. Not you. 

If he is serious about getting his stuff together, he needs to get in rehab. 

Post # 11
2574 posts
Sugar bee



I once heard the recorvery rate for meth long term is less than 3% so basically a hope in hell.

I have an 18 year old brother we were talking about drugs and I told him trying drugs is pretty much like putting a gun to your head, pulling the trigger and hoping it doesn’t kill you. Once your on that path few get off.

There is a saying that you don’t see many old drug addicts their either in jail or dead.

Post # 12
1678 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

jadewalker: i have left not one, but TWO men due to cocaine addictions. it is an awful drug. get away from it and him. that’s just my reaction after my experiences.

i was in the same situation with men who were hiding it from me, not wanting to settle down or participate in normal life, and i finally got fed up. it was awful. i’m so much happier now (this happened the first time when i was 23 and ENGAGED to the guy, the 2nd time i was 29). i’m 33 now and happily married to a guy who can have a good time with a few beers but is settled and enjoys spending his weekends with me and not hungover on the couch.

Post # 13
1898 posts
Buzzing bee

Do NOT blame yourself for not seeing the red flags! I have been in a similar situation and I didn’t see them either- it’s because we don’t do drugs so obviously we don’t know what to watch out for. And we love them so we don’t want to believe they’re lying to our faces. We don’t want to suspect the worst without evidence, there’s no fault in that.

You need to decide what to do with the house- either he buys your share, you buy his share, or you sell it. Because you are not going back to this relationship, it’s over!

Post # 14
8607 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - A castle

He has a place to go. If he doesn’t want to be a real adult, off to mommy and daddy’s. Kick him out and take your house back. Lawyer up. Sell the house. Settle up, and move on. Addiction may rule his life, but it does not have to rule yours.

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