(Closed) Leaving before he wakes up, bad?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 17
7559 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

If your FWB is mad, it’s probably because you’re sending mixed signals big time. “Oh no I don’t want to date you, but I want to have sex with you and lean on you when I’m upset and emotional!”  You’re using him on a couple different levels (and he is probably using you too) and he’s either had enough of the mixed signals, or he genuinely doesn’t care. It sounds really messy to me.

Post # 18
4419 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Wtf is going on?

Post # 19
7740 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

From what I’m gathering, your friend might very well feel used and led on. You were having problems with your BF, so you called your friend and hung out. You used him for emotional support and stayed over at his place, and he probably thought you were breaking up with your BF. Now today you post something about your BF like nothing was wrong, and your friend probably feels misled and used. 

Post # 20
282 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Wait so did you and your BF break up today or not? 

Post # 21
836 posts
Busy bee

Lets stop talking to all of them and figure out ourselves first. Then once we’re settled in our own minds and have an idea what is going on, then choose who to be friends with. But there can only be one. It’s way too tangled now.

Post # 22
3302 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Everything you’re posting is a contradiction. There’s no romance with this friend – but you slept with him 4 times. You post funny stories about your bf – but it turns out that you’re not happy. Take some time to figure out what you really want. And avoid getting drunk and sleeping at someone’s place unless you’re interested in him romantically. 

Post # 23
3898 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

And your bf is ok with you sleeping over by yourself at another man’s place? And drunk too? That is so weird gor me. I would be more concerned about my bf not being mad than you platonic ex FWB…

Post # 24
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

You got drunk with your friend recently, then stayed over at his place, slept in the same bed?

I’m with PP, you’re saying one thing, but your actions tell another. Maybe it’s just me, but I think it’s kinda messed up to stay over at someone’s place when you used to be intimate with them. Don’t really care how close you are. And I probably wouldn’t spill my secrets about relationship issues to someone like that either. He’s might be into you and you keep sending him mixed signals, and because of those mixed signals, he wouldn’t be honest about those feelings.

I’m also really confused with the timeline.

Post # 25
964 posts
Busy bee

Sounds like you are using both these guys as weapons. Maybe that’s why he’s mad? Because you spent the evening with him most likely going on and on about how your boyfriends doesn’t love you anymore, and then make a post about how wonderful your boyfriend is (or something to that effect). He almost certainly thinks you are a drama queen who is stirring up shit. 

The thing was, that morning he (my boyfriend) told me that he didn’t really love me anymore, so the best thing I could think of doing was hanging with my friend.

Sounds very calculated to get certains responses from certain people.


Post # 26
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

You are not loyal if you are sleeping at another guy’s house, unless that guy is VERY gay.

You are leading on the “friends with benefits” dude. The benefits dude is not getting any “benefits” from you and areas of his body are blue which is NOT his HEART! He could care less about your BF issues.

Stop playing games.


Post # 27
2729 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

You’re playing a lot of immature games here.

Boyfriend tells you he doesn’t love you.

You get drunk with your ex-friends with benefits to either: A. boost your self esteem by flirting/teasing this friend or B. make your boyfriend jealous

You sleep at this guys house, leave before he wakes up, and immediately post some bullshit happy fairytale story about your boyfriend (after most likely crying to your friend about how shitty the relationship really is… so confusing him as much as you’re confusing us). Then you automatically think he’s mad at you for… not liking your story and sending you short text responses? Maybe he’s sick of the drama, hungover from your drinking fest the night before, or just doesnt want to be bothered with your mixed signals. Or maybe you just started texting him about your boyfriend dumping you and he’s finally catching onto the fact that you’re using him and only want his attention when things go south with your boyfriend. Basically stating that he’s not good enough for you romantically but he’s good enough to use as an emotional crutch, an ego boost, and a “fun time” when your single.

I’m still really confused but this is what I’ve gathered.

I’d walk away from both guys and figure yourself out.

Post # 28
1496 posts
Bumble bee

I’m just going to say, in general, if I stay at someone’s house whether it be my parents, my friend, etc. I would never just leave without saying goodbye. To me it’s rude. They let you spend the night at their place.. to just leave without a word, seems wrong to me. 

I don’t know if there are different rules when it comes to guys though.

Post # 29
2729 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

View original reply
MrsCallalily:  Agreed. Random hook up? Hell yeah I’m sneaking out of there to assume my “Walk of Shame” as fast as humanly possible and preferrably before he wakes up. But a dear friend who let me cry on his shoulder all night about my failing relationship? You bet I’m waiting to say goodbye and thank you. Or, at the very least, leaving a note of gratitude for letting me crash there when I’m drunk (if I really need to leave before he wakes up).

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