Leaving Early for Kids

posted 1 year ago in Family
Post # 16
Member
1337 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

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@futurekaufman:  I’m going against the grain here and say that, assuming you’re not exaggerating when you say she “keeps saying” she and others will leave early, your SIL sounds like an entitled bitch. 

It’s one thing to inform a couple that sadly, due to kid”s schedules, you’ll need to leave early. However, after that you need to just shut up.  To bring it up repeatedly and, even worse, claim that others are going to do the same is almost like saying “you didn’t do enough to accommodate my and other’s children at your wedding so you will be penalized when everyone bails on you”. 

I wouldn’t give her the satisfaction of letting her know it bothers you.  If she brings it up again, I just might be petty enough to roll my eyes at her and give her a sarcastic “yeah, I know you’ll have to leave early.  I heard it the first 10 times you told me.  Sorry you’ll have to miss all the fun but I guess thats the price you have to pay when you’re too uptight to hire a babysitter”.  I’ll bet she won’t bring it up again. 

 

Post # 17
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

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@futurekaufman:  I get what you’re saying, but I think you’re a little out of line. I don’t have kids, but I’ve watched my cousins at each others’ weddings and their kids made the experience really stressful for them. They didn’t complain or anything, but they had their hands full and I wouldn’t have imagined dictating what they should or shouldn’t be doing as long as they were present for the ceremony. 

Post # 18
Member
1494 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

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@rainingteadrops:  by asking the SIL to leave and put the kids in bed essentially whats she is sayibg is it isn’t as important for her to be there. That’s hurtful. It’s also pretty crappy to tell someone what to do with their children. It’s one person is she going to control if other people need to leave early? Ar least they are seeing the wedding take place.

Post # 19
Member
1494 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

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@Goirishgrl:  Calling the SIL entitled would be pretty rich considering the OP is the one acting entitled by expecting people to get a babysitter for her wedding and telling other people what to do with their children. Having a routine doesn’t make one a bitch. ok doesn’t know what goes on behind closed doors maybe those kids are a pain to get to bed if they go off their routine maybe they don’t go to bed easily for babysitters. The point is it isn’t anyones place to judge or tell someone else how to parent

 

Post # 20
Member
1337 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

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@soexcited123:  no, having a routine with your children doesn’t make someone an entitled bitch and if you read my post you would see I never said it did. 

What I said pretty clearly is that what makes her an entitled bitch is REPEATEDLY telling OP that not only would she need to leave early but that other people with children would do the same. 

FyI, the way to not be an entitled bitch is to say ONCE upon hearing the itinerary ” I am so sorry op, but the timing of your wedding means I’ll need to bounce early because I’ll need to get the kids home to bed” then shut up about it.

By bringing it up repeatedly, as OP has presented it, the SIL is basicly saying the couple getting married didn’t make enough of an effort to accomodate her and her children at THEIR wedding.  And in my book, that sounds like the opitomy of entitlement. 

Post # 21
Member
1494 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

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@Goirishgrl:  That’s fair the SIL didn’t go about it the best way by repeating it over and over again but to expect people to change their routine for your wedding is entitled IMO. They aren’t missing the actual wedding part. I don’t know I see it on here all the time that a wedding isn’t a summons and your wedding is never as important to others as it is to you. It’s one thing to express disappointment over someone not being there it’s another to actually demand or expect people to change their plans. Agree to disagree I guess

Post # 22
Member
1669 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: Malibou Lake Mountain Club

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@futurekaufman:  by any chance do you keep bringing it up and the adjustments made? Thatd be frustrating to hear too. 

And if i kept hearing it, you bet i would make a point that i wouldnt mess with my kid’s bedtime. Routine is key for a kid and one mishap at times messes the whole thing for weeks. 
Maybe its the way youre saying it?

Post # 23
Member
1337 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

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@soexcited123:  I agree 100% with the sentiment that a wedding isn’t as important to others as it is to those getting married.  And the same can be said for children’s schedules. 

Maybe the best advice for OP and SIL is to live and let live and realize others have different priorities. 

Post # 24
Member
1494 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

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@Goirishgrl:  Yes but that comparison doesn’t add up. Even if you the children’s schedules aren’t as important to you clearly they must be an issue because SIL doesn’t wanna change it but you can’t demand that people change their children’s schedule around for you. People’s children come first.

Yes agreed, clearly there are different priorities between OP and the SIL.

Post # 25
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

I can’t believe they wouldn’t jump at the chance to get a sitter for the night (and it doesn’t even have to be late, just to like…10) to go to close family’s wedding reception. A night off (in a year’s time!) with free booze? Sign me up! 

Maybe you just need to tell her that yes, you get it, they have to go home after the vows and if they’re happy to confirm that now you’ll remove them from the dinner/reception numbers so you don’t have to discuss it every time the wedding is mentioned. You get it, they have children – they’re super special.

And if your brother decides it’s a good idea for him to not be there for your reception then how it looks to everyone else – that’s on him.

Post # 26
Member
1337 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

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@soexcited123:  lol, don’t you see we could bounce this ball back and forth forever?  No, you can’t demand that people change their children’s schedules around you.  AND you can’t insist that people feel like shit for not planning their wedding around your children’s schedules.  Honestly, forever.  

Post # 27
Member
3728 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

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@futurekaufman:  you really don’t want them to stay and have their kids melt down screaming during your first dance because it’s past their bedtime….

However, I would definitely talk to your brother alone and be like “You aren’t gonna leave my wedding super early, right??!” It doesn’t take two people to put kids to bed. 

Post # 28
Member
2215 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

My sister nearly didn’t come to our wedding as I didn’t invite her 3 kids who were 6,8 and 10. In the end my sister left after the cake was cut and my brother in law stayed home. 

I get it and id be offended.

Post # 29
Member
143 posts
Blushing bee

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@soexcited123:  How is it hurtful? He’s her brother, the attendance of a first degree relative is going to be more important than a regular guest. If she can’t understand that she’s immature. 

Also, how is having her put 2 kids to bed for ONE night telling her “what to do with her kids”? OP’s once in a lifetime experience is not an occasion that will be happening every few days or even every few years. SIL chose to have kids and there are occasions where husband won’t be around to put the kids to bed every night, that’s a fact she will have to accept sooner or later. 

 

Post # 30
Member
86 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

I would be annoyed. I have a 3-month-old and would make every effort to get a babysitter (or bring the baby if the bride and groom allowed for it) so that I could attend my SIL’s wedding. 

Honestly, it’s her attitude about it that frustrates me the most. Children are unpredictable and so I could understand her not guaranteeing that they be there (if one of the kids had a meltdown or was sick or something). Or perhaps her children are knowingly difficult at that hour and alternatives just wouldn’t work. If that’s the case it would be easy for her to be apologetic and try to accomodate you by leaving your brother there while she deals with the kids. But for her to be so flippant and definitive about missing those important parts of your wedding when they’ve clearly been able to accommodate late night flights to Hawaii with small children and you’ve been there for their important life events AND to generalize that other members of the family would do the same–that’s just rude. 

Until I had my baby, I didn’t feel I could comment on parents acting like the world revolves around them just because they have kids. But now that I do, I find that parents that act like that are often are just kind of selfish and are using the kids as an excuse. This isn’t to say that she will necessarily be able to be there, but there’s a way to communicate with you that she knows this isn’t ideal and she wishes she could be there. It’s not impossible to have children and also be considerate of people who don’t have them. 

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