Leaving Early for Kids

posted 1 year ago in Family
Post # 61
Member
309 posts
Helper bee

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@Twizbe:  I think you took her comment a little too personally. Of course there are many countries and cultures in Europe, but her post would have been a bit long if she listed every country in Europe, Latin America, and South Asia. And there has been research that Europeans tend to have a more relaxed approach to parenting when compared to Americans. 

Post # 62
Member
3380 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

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@gingerbee1234:  perhaps, but still can’t say all (insert continent) cultures do x when that encompasses a wide range of cultures and lifestyles. 

Post # 63
Member
143 posts
Blushing bee

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@nattywed:  I agree, this post gives me a “she doesn’t like you” vibe, and if she’s really that clingy with them imagine how when they’ll need to go to school. Sounds like the road to an unhealthy codependent relationship.

Post # 64
Member
2094 posts
Buzzing bee

I feel like there’s a bigger issue here with your SIL and this is just the straw that broke the camel’s back. Overall, no, I don’t care what my guests decide to do with their children the night of my wedding, to include deciding to leave early. 

What is frustrating, like many others have said, is the repeated jabs. Additionally, it seems that this is not the only thing she has done so about. I think your frustration stems much deeper than just “my wedding isn’t worth her time”. She’s made it clear that YOU are not worth her time, PERIOD. Based on past experiences you have shared, I wouldn’t have had the expectation this time would be any different. Defintely don’t miss her presence, or the presence of her beasts after they leave, but you will need to figure out a way to deal with her toxic existance on the whole. 

Post # 65
Member
2445 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

The more I think about it, the weirder it is that she informed you about this even once, let alone mulitple times.

 

OK, so she can’t or won’t use a sitter, and she wants her husband to leave with her, and she doesn’t want the kids to be up past their bedtimes. Not the choices a lot of people would make, but it’s her decision, so fine. But why does she need to give you a heads up about this 11 months in advance? I mean, a lot could change in that time. And then to continue to not only remind you but continue to insist other people will decide the same? Either this is some kind of power play to her (can she make you eliminate the cocktail hour altogether?) or she just really likes to needle you.

Post # 66
Member
5485 posts
Bee Keeper

She’s reminding you how special she is because she has children. People who have children are special. Remember you’re just ordinary. And in case you don’t remember this and don’t know your place in the scheme of life, she’ll remind you again and again.

Post # 67
Member
282 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

natteywed:

i cant agree with you more!! 

The OP’s sister in law to me is making excuses because she doesn’t want to stay for the wedding and not even  having her husband stay (unless he  hates weddings or doesn’t care about you) . I guess she will stay at home every night with the kids until they  move out and then stare at her husband and wonder what they have in common. Sorry I am exaggerating but it does happen when one doesn’t  try to make a life outside of sacrificing every hour for your children .  I would treat her with the same priority she treats you and know you won’t be close . 

Post # 68
Member
3682 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

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@soexcited123: 

each to their own. If my Brother-In-Law was being super weird about this issue like the OP’s SIL is, I would definitely take my sister aside and be like “I don’t understand why there’s so much drama, but all I know is I really want you at my wedding because you’re my SIBLING, so can you not leave early? If Brother-In-Law needs to leave earlier, whatev.”

Seems pretty reasonable. I think it’s reasonable to have one-on-one conversations with your siblings about important issues. 

Post # 69
Member
1495 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

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@KittyYogi:  Yes I can definitely see that side of it too but I dont know maybe pulling him aside and asking if it is possible to get a sitter for one night so they can BOTH go. I just don’t get this negativity towards in laws. Without them you wouldnt have your niece or nephew. It just seems super shitty to say you want your brother there your niece/nephew there but the SIL isn’t important like what she is married to the brother and a part of the family unit now. Why is she less important than any other member in that family?

Post # 70
Member
3750 posts
Honey bee

soexcited:  Why is she less important than any other member in that family?

Because she’s being a weird b*tch about the whole thing. If this was happening to me I wouldn’t care if she came either.

Post # 71
Member
6960 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

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@soexcited123:  “Why is she less important than any other member in that family?”

Look, if they don’t feel comfortable having someone else put the kids to bed and it HAS to be one of the parents, then it makes sense that the bride would prefer to have her SIBLING stay longer. It’s not because the in-law sucks (speaking in generalities here). But yes, if I HAVE TO CHOOSE between my brother and the woman he married (who I do like), I’m going to choose my brother. 

ETA: Now none of this is the bride’s choice. They can parent their kids however they want and maybe they both have decided to always want to jointly put them to bed together. I have no idea (though it sounds like that’s not the case). Honestly it seems like SIL doesn’t like the OP or something and is using her wedding as an excuse to rub it in her face with her constantly bringing up how they’ll have to leave early 11 months in advance. 

Post # 72
Member
1495 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

 

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@katebluestone:  Fair enough in this case because the SIL is being bitchy by repeating the same thing ovet and over about needing a babysitter. If this was the bride’s sister I guarantee though the responses would be different and all but famillyyy she is your sister but because it’s a SIL the pitchforks are up.

Post # 73
Member
3682 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

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@soexcited123:  I mean yeah I’d definitely prefer them both there. But if *someone* has to go put the kids to bed, I’d prefer it to be my in-law rather than my own sibling. I think that’s pretty standard. You aren’t closer to your sibling than to your SIL / BIL? If my husband and I were at his sister’s wedding, I would obviously volunteer to be the one to leave early. If it were my sister’s wedding, then he would be the one. I think this is pretty standard….

Plus, like PP said, she’s being kinda a bitch about the whole thing, so that would make me less interested in begging to have her there, lol. 

Post # 74
Member
573 posts
Busy bee

I think they should get a babysitter. I don’t know why they need to miss the whole thing (ok, maybe not technically the whole thing) just because of the kids. It’s your brother! I’ve never even experienced people leaving early because of kids. I’ve also seen plenty of flower girls/ring bearers of the same ages being there for the whole thing. I think it’s the right thing to do for them to be there because it’s your brother. Anyone else and I’d still be surprised. 

Post # 75
Member
1334 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

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@sunburn:  absolutely this!  Apparently by some standards I was just a shit mother because occasionally my son didn’t get to bed *gasp* at his regular bed time.

But I’ll console myself with the knowledge that he lived through it and turned out to be a functional, contributing member of society.  One might even argue that he learned to be flexible and adaptable by not always following a rigid schedule.

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