Leaving Early for Kids

posted 1 year ago in Family
Post # 76
3785 posts
Honey bee

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@soexcited123:  I really don’t think so. If my sister was acting like OP’s SIL I’d have her name engraved on my pitchfork.

Post # 77
5694 posts
Bee Keeper

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@Goirishgrl:  Can I join the bad mother club?

Post # 78
8366 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

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@futurekaufman:  Sorry if I missed it, but I haven’t seen a response to the question of is your brother also leaving early. It sounds like he is, since you say he’ll miss your first dance. I would be more upset with him than with her. Why is she getting all the vitriol when he is your sibling and could easily kiss the wife and kids and say “good night, I’ll be home around midnight.”

It’s hurtful that they’re acting this way and sounds like this is who they are and how they always act. Disappointing, but useless to spend energy being upset about it. You can’t make them be nice so the best course of action is to expect them to be shitty, and plan your own behavior accordingly. Don’t make any accommodations for them in the future because they aren’t going to appreciate it and you’re just going to feel resentful. Do your thing and don’t worry about whether it’s convenient for them or not. Next time she mentions leaving early tell her “Yes, you’ve mentioned it several times so we’re prepared. Don’t give it another thought, we won’t even miss you.” This answer will be reassuring on the off chance that she’s keeps repeating it because she doesn’t want you to be surprised or disappointed on the day. And if she keeps repeating it because she’s a bitch, this response is subtly bitchy right back.

Post # 79
9 posts
  • Wedding: August 2020

I didn’t read the whole thread so I’m not sure if there’s other things she is doing, but I don’t see the big deal in SIL leaving early to go lay her kids down. I have two toddlers who go to bed at the same time every single night. If they don’t go to bed when it’s their bedtime, they get cranky and irritable and I definitely wouldn’t want them at a wedding like that. My daughter doesn’t go to sleep for anyone else, so I get if she doesn’t feel comfortable with someone else laying her kids down. Can’t she lay her kids down and have a babysitter there so she can come back to the reception after? 

Post # 80
1773 posts
Buzzing bee

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@sunburn:  different families have different priorities. No one is saying you’re a bad parent if you didn’t enforce a strict bedtime or if your kids were the ones asleep on a couch at a party. At the end of the day, healthy sleep habits are important to these particular parents. It doesn’t really matter what you, I, or any other parent would do in this situation, they are the parents to these children and we should respect that.

OP, I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. Your feelings are completely valid; I would be upset too. Based on your updates, there does seem to be more going on here. Your SIL either isn’t particularly fond of you, or you are not a priority to their nuclear family. Both scenarios are hurtful. I do agree with others that if SIL brings it up again that you should tell her that although they will be missed, you do understand, but ask if there’s a reason she keeps bringing it up. I also do think you’re completely in your right to pull your brother aside in a completely non-judgemental way and ask if there’s any way SIL can tackle bedtime alone for a night, or if he would be able to come back after the kiddos were in bed for the night. This is definitely a sucky situation. Hope things are resolved in a positive way.

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