Post # 1
A little background: I had a close group of three friendsduring professional school where the four of us hung out all the time together. When deciding who to include in the wedding party I knew my guy friend from the group would be my man of honor, no questions asked. Of the two girls in that group, i figured i needed to either ask both or neither to not end up with anyone’s feelings being hurt. In truth, i did not want to ask “Mary” due to the non-stop drama she evokes while i did want to ask the other girl. There were times during school Mary drove me completely insane. Well guess how lucky I felt when it turned out she was already in a different wedding the date of my wedding! I went ahead and asked the other girl along with a couple other friends and i thought i would have anything to worry about.
Well, something has happened now the other wedding that day is being changed to another date and I’m pretty sure Mary is expecting me to now ask her to be in the wedding. She also knows BM dresses have not yet been picked so thats not a good excuse to not include her. While she can be a good friend she likes to make everything about her. If youre having a good day hers is better. If youre having a bad day hers was way worse… Always has to one-up you. And theres often crying when she drinks.
Part of me thinks it will just be less drama to have her in it. I was going to include her in things like bachelorette party and stuff like that if we do them anyway. At the same time i hate drama and dont want it on my wedding especially. My fiance knows my very up and down feelings towards towards her and doesnt think i should include her. I’m very torn. Is there a way to tell her I’m sorry but its too late to change our plans even though the wedding is still 10 months away and she knows the dresses havent been picked without hurting her feelings? With the ither two friends in our small circle being included I just don’t know how i can leave her out tactfully.
nded up being when i found out she was already supposed to be in a different wedding the same day!
Post # 2
oh i used to have a friend like that….its one of my pet peeves if im telling a story n get interrupted so she could tell her story that was the same but better. eeeeshsshhhh
I would just say everything is set in stone with BM’s and everything else and you would prefer to keep it that way and not start changing anything because it’ll jus stress you out unnecessarily.
If she evokes drama at every turn and has to one up you I personally wouldnt ask her at all and if she asks about it I would just say the above.
Good luck!! 🙂
Post # 3
Ask yourself – is this someone who you want to stand with you on YOUR special day? Is this someone who’s face you want to look at in your pictures for the rest of your life? Is this really a good friend who’s support you need that day? If you answered no, then don’t include her.
If she has expectations about being invited, that’s her own issue to deal with. Being excluded isn’t nice but at the same time, its your day and you get to pick who you spend it with. If she’s really a drama queen with the crying and drunkness and all that comes along with it, I’d wash my hands from including her in my wedding party. Invite her to the events, the showers, the bachelorette, but do not feel obligated to include her just so the group from school is together again.
Post # 4
- Wedding: September 2014 - Stanley House Inn
From personal experience I would say you can just not bring it up. When she asks who is in your wedding party, let her know, and move on from there- don’t include her in the list. If she asks why, then let her know that she had a prior obligation and that changing the planning stages now would be pretty awful, but you hope she will be around for any events or girls nights out or random planning sessions.
I had a BM who’s expectation went so far that she joined my wedding party. I know, I know – it is my fault. I didn’t tell her she wasn’t a part of it, and didn’t want to cause drama. She caused a TON of drama – and had to one-up everything for the wedding. Everything. Even on W-day it was all about her. She was just awful, and now I have photos of people I love with the one lingering BM that I didn’t want in my party anyway. I also heard that “having her there won’t change anything so you might as well let her” – but it was a horrible experience.
You think she causes too much drama now, just wait until she is a part of the process…
Post # 5
It may be time to be honest with your ‘friend’.
Why exactly are you still friends with her, let alone actually considering having her in your wedding party?
Post # 6
Can you just say you want to keep the bridal party even? I’d only do this if she brings it up.
Post # 7
If you appease her now, you will pay through your whole wedding. Do not invite her to be a part of your wedding unless you want it to be all about her. Don’t bring it up to her and if she asks just tell her you’re hoping she will be able to make it now that her plans changed.
Post # 8
Thanks for the advice and sorry for all the extra space and what not in my first post! Did it from my phone and it got all messed up. Going to give it some long hard thought. At this point I am thinking I will tell her that things have been pretty much set and my fiance doesn’t want to increase the size of the wedding party should the subject come up. Thinking of just saying “I’m so glad you be able to make it to the wedding now” when she lets me know for sure the other wedding’s date was moved and not bringing up the wedding party if possible. The only issue with that is if she starts assuming which she very well may since our other two close friends are in it…
Post # 9
If she is someone who is going to annoy you incessantly by being self centered and not be able to support you, I would not include her. Wedding planning is already stressful enough with all the input from family and people outside of the bridal party. You need people who are bound to support you and help destress you. So limit the amount of stress you put on yourself and stick with the list you have OP.