Post # 1
I’ve been with my husband for 14 years and we’ve been married for 5. We started dating young and waited until we’d finished with college before getting married. We’re in our late 20’s now.
My husband is the middle child with an older and younger brother. He shares many interests with Older Brother (OB) but throughout my time with Darling Husband OB has continually put him down. For example when were were still in school we lived with my parents and OB lived 20 minutes away with his now ex. We didn’t entertain at home since it wasn’t our house. OB never invited Darling Husband over and when Darling Husband asked one day he got told that he was boring. OB has made other digs at Darling Husband in
When we planned our small wedding OB was still not wanting to have anything to do with Darling Husband. DH regularly saw his Younger Brother (YB) and invited him to be groomsman. We still wanted OB to be involved in some way so he did a reading for us.
Fast forward to now. OB is engaged and they are having an overseas destination wedding that involves 12 hours of flights and then a full week of activities. Obviously they are only having a small number of guests: 12 friends, the Bride’s parents, the Bride’s brother and his wife, DH’s father and stepmother, DH’s mother, YB and his fiancee, 3 half siblings and Darling Husband.
DH’s mother has been with her long term boyfriend for over 15 years but he wasn’t invited. Of the half siblings 2 are in fairly new relationships (so no partner invites) and the third is married but her husband refuses to attend any and all family events.
DH’s mother is hurt that her partner wasn’t invited but didn’t feel she could raise the issue with OB. Darling Husband was very hurt that I had been excluded and stated that even if he’d been able to take leave (he recently started a new job and doesn’t have enough leave to cover the trip) he would be very reluctant to take an overseas trip for an event that I hadn’t been invited to.
OB and I didn’t have any issues that I was aware of. Since he doesn’t want to see Darling Husband I mainly see him at family events and we seemed to get on okay.
Am I wrong to feel hurt that after 14 years with Darling Husband OB did this?
Post # 3
Yes you should feel hurt, especially since you two are married now. OB sounds like a real pain in the .. arse. He may be playing the revenge game since you all didn’t make him a Groomsmen. I would look at it like you dodged a bullet. All that money for a week long Destination Wedding with an asshat like that OB… I can’t imagine it would have been fun watching him rag on your Darling Husband after all that money and travel time. Consider yourself lucky.
Post # 4
It’s generally bad etiquette not to treat a married couple as a social unit. I’d say particularly so if this is essentially an immediate family member. I’d pretty much expect my husband to decline the invite in this situation. Especially with a destination wedding, I think if he’s going to haul himself to whatever exotic locale they’ve selected, the least they can do is host your spouse as well.
Post # 6
Maybe OB didn’t want Dh to go either, and he knew that not inviting you would do the trick? I agree that a couple is considered a social unit, especially one of 14+ years! I doubt it’s anything personal towards you at all, OB just seems like kind of a jerk. So rude!
Post # 8
Since you are married and his sister-in-law then yes, it is extremely rude…especially since YBs fiancee was invited too. I think your husband needs to stand up to him.
Post # 9
I’d be thanking my lucky stars that I got out of it. These type of weddings IMO are very selfish when you expect family to take so much time off and they quickly become really expensive.
I would however still feel a little annoyed that I wasn’t included but glad that I wouldn’t have to go.
Post # 10
That is so rude!! Ugh I would be pissed!
Post # 11
Etiquette snob here…
In the least the following are considered to be “recognized” social units (of which you are one)…
Engaged – Living Together / Common Law Married – Married.
These folks need to be invited as a couple… period.
Not so much when it comes to those who are Dating or Single (given a Plus One)
Altho those in the Wedding Party and immediate Family Members are also normally given Plus Ones.
Long story short… ya, I’d be ticked for the obvious SNUB (your Hubby should be right miffed for you… and having “a chat” with his OB about how RUDE he is to people whom he is related to)
Hope this helps,
Post # 12
Rude from an etiquette standpoint since they are breaking up social units. But it does seem that they have made a rule and are sticking to it (no partners just blood family).
But since you guys were not going anyway since your DH doesn’t have leave why waste the time being upset by it?
Post # 13
@j_jaye: “But it does seem that they have made a rule and are sticking to it (no partners just blood family).“
No, I can see at least 3 non-related partners: bride’s brother’s wife, groom’s stepmother, and groom’s younger brother’s fiancee.
OP, you are being deliberately excluded. (As is your MIL’s partner). Whether it’s because they don’t like you, or don’t like your husband, is unclear. Anyway the correct course of action is for Darling Husband to decline the invite and not send a gift.
Post # 14
Thanks for the replies ladies. It made me feel better knowing that Darling Husband and I were normal to think this was pretty rude.
OB & his fiancee are having two receptions when they get back (one in our hometown and one in hers). Darling Husband will attend the local one solo (we were both invited the reception in the fiancee’s hometown as well) as I do not feel comfortable at the idea of attending when they did not want me at their ceremony given I’ve been with my Darling Husband for so long. The reception invites in the last few weeks (months after the ceremony invites) and the rsvp deadline is two weeks away.
OB’s fiancee had just held her Hen’s party to which I was also not invited (YB’s fiancee was invited to that celebration). All of the other invitees to the Hen’s were not invited to the destination wedding either. Not being invited to either the ceremony or Hen’s makes me think I was only invited to the local reception because they couldn’t think of a good excuse not to invite me, haha.
Clearly OB and his fiancee have developed some issue with me. I’d love to know what the problem is or if they are just doing this to try and hurt my Darling Husband. The initial hurt we felt upon receiving the invite has long since given way to amusement!