Post # 1
I started talking to this guy back in June. I didn’t realize that he had just gotten out of a 10 month relationship. We hungout once and hit it off there. He always claimed that we would never be more than friends, and at first I wanted the same and just agreed with him. The more and more we hungout, the more I grew feeling for him. One day, around early July, he told me how he felt about me. He admitted to having really strong feelings for me. I was so so happy for the first time in such a long time. He pulled me out of my depressive state. For that, I got attached so quickly. Prior to this, I never gave any guy the time of day. But for some reason, I let my guard down with him. I remember every little moment with him. Pure bliss. I trusted him with everything within me. I was so set on the fact that we were going to be together. He treated me a way no one else ever had. He told me we were going to be together really soon and I always looked forward to it. He said the only thing that was stopping him was that he wasn’t happy with his life and just wanted to be before we dated. Me being dumb didn’t see anything wrong with that. Every day he made me promise not to leave, so I promised and he promised too. I never suspected anything. I met his family and he met mine. I was about to go on vaction in around August and we hungout the 2 whole days before, happiest I’ve been. I left for vacation and everything was normal. Always telling me how he can’t wait for me to get back. On the 3rd day, we got in discussion about his ex. I asked if he was still in love with her, he didn’t answer. Finally he said, “I don’t know if I am.” At that moment I knew he was, otherwise he wouldn’t have to question it. My heart shattered. He left me and promised he’d come back once he was over her. I don’t believe he will. He still talks to me every day all day, and even mentioned how he’ll never love anyone as much as he did her. It hurt so bad to hear those words. I remember everything he said about her, all of it is so painful. It’s been about 3 weeks and it still hurts just as much as it did. Talking to him all day everyday is just a constant reminder of what I can’t have. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to get over him. What do I do? Do I wait for him to come back? Or do I just accept the fact that I’ll never be better than her? Please help, I feel miserable. We never even put the dating label on it but we technically were dating considering everything we did and said together. I feel so dumb for being heartbroken over someone I never dated.
Post # 2
- Wedding: February 2018 - UK
Firstly, please don’t think that this woman is better than you, that’s absolutely not the case at all.
It sounds like this man tried out your relationship but realised he’s not over his ex, and that totally sucks. It doesn’t mean she’s better than you though, it just means that they have a history and he’s not ready to let go. This is about his feelings, not about your value or your suitability as a partner. I have no doubt that you’re great!
You’re also not dumb for feeling how you do, sometimes we form attachments without meaning to, and it hurts bad when they break, especially when there’s a third party involved.
Honestly, don’t wait for him to come back. You’ll be forever questioning if he’s back because he wanted to be, or if she just rejected him. You’re nobody’s silver medal, you deserve someone who loves you more than anyone else. It’s going to be tough, but you absolutely will feel better in time, I promise you. Take some time to gather yourself back together, and when you’re feeling happier, some lucky guy will snap you up, and this one will be ancient history.
Good luck bee, lots of ladies here have been heartbroken before, we’re all sending hugs!
Post # 3
@just another girl:
So he told you he’s still in love with his ex, he’ll never love you as much as her, yet he’s still talking to you “all day everyday”? Yeah, no, he’s playing games. He’s probably working on the ex and keeping you around as a contingency plan. Cut contact off now.
Please don’t compare yourself with this other woman. It isn’t a competition, it’s about his personal hang-ups. Also, if you are struggling with depression, work on that. It is not healthy to have another person “pull” you out of depression, that’s setting yourself up for co-dependency.
Post # 4
He’s been gaslighting you from the beginning. Putting his ex on a pedestal, pressuring with the ‘promise you’ll never leave’, you promised so you’re supposed to feel guilty if you leave….. And now he’s keeping you hanging on by talking to you all day. He’s trying to give you the impression you’re not as good as this ex so you’ll keep hanging on in the hope he’ll throw you crumbs. It’s controlling behaviour.
You’re not his emotional punchbag or his shoulder to cry on. You’ve only wasted a few months on him, don’t waste anymore time. Stop talking to him. Put him behind you and move on. There are plenty of guys out there who won’t play mind games.
Post # 5
You didn’t happen to give this guy any money, did you? The whole thing just has that creepy, scammy vibe to me. Just in case, if he asks, please don’t.
Anyway, I don’t mean to minimize your pain, but, it sounds like you’ve only known him for 2 months. Drop him from your mind and open yourself up to meeting someone else. Someday the person you meet will be worthy of your trusting nature. Don’t stop being who you are, but be sure you’re really getting to know someone – over time – before you put them on a pedestal.
Post # 6
I would say hes not being fair to you by making you feel a way when inside he feels another way, but he’s been open and honest about it so i wont put too much emphasis on him. I think you should should take the information he has openly given use and be wise. Just because he wants to communicate with you while he figures out life doesnt mean that you have to. Cut yourself lose. If he comes back around & you’re still willing to make something of it then do whats best for you. Rightnow he’s expressed his feelings so theres no secret of what he wants rightnow. Good thing all this has happend in such a short time.
also, it doesnt sound like yiu guys were actually ever a couple, in the title it says ” he left you” i feel like the teo of you have dated around but he was open and never made it official but in your mind, you made a title. He was honest. Even if it seems like he wants the cake & eat it too, at least hes being ooen and honest in these 2 months. Hes doing that so you can know what to and not to expect.
Be wise Bee.
Post # 7
here’s help: you have better things to do than talking everyday to a man who does not reciprocate your feelings. Stop talking to him completelY. Block him.
In the future, don’t promise not to leave a man who isn’t even with you. Only invest in people who can invest in you.
Post # 8
Bee–he was never dating you even if you thought you were dating him. It sounds as if he was pretty clear that he wasn’t looking for a relationship with you. He’s not available. Stop taking his calls. Block him if you have to, but move on. It’s not good for you to be talking to him every day.
What have you been doing to address your depression? Do you have a therapist?
Post # 9
I’m really sorry you’re going through this but I agree with other posters – he didn’t leave you for his ex because you guys were never dating. He showed you what he was about from day 1. This guy isn’t worth your time and you certainly shouldn’t still be talking to him all day, every day – what?! Cut him loose and move on.
Post # 10
You were a rebound at best. Time to move on.
Post # 11
You are an option and his ex is his priority. You are a just door he is keeping open. You do not owe him any promises.
He is not over his previous girlfriend. Time for you to get over him.
Post # 12
Can’t say anything PPs haven’t already said, just wanted to give you support. Gaslighting is no fun. He’s an emotional monster, and your story gave me chills. You deserve so much better than this.
He never loved you.
Post # 13
Stop talking to him all day every day! This guy is full of garbage nonsense.. asking you to tell him you’ll never leave him, when you’re not even in a relationship and he’s still in love with his ex? He’s selfish and manipulative.
Stop talking to him. It’s the only way to get some distance and get over him.
Post # 14
Consider this a learning experience. Every time you have doubts, ask yourself ” Why would I want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with me”?
Post # 15
He told you he had strong feelings for you, you saw each other regularly, talked daily, and he told you he wanted to be together. Call me crazy but you don’t need a label or for anyone to tell you you were dating.
Unfortunately for you, he was still in love with his ex. What that should have meant the minute he owned up to it is you treat it as a break up. Stop talking to him for good and move on. He wasn’t respectful to you in the least.