(Closed) Left off an invite. Never wanted to have to post about this crap…

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
Member
1772 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

He’s a groomsman and you’re engaged, so he can ask if he wants to It seems like. 

Post # 18
Member
33 posts
Newbee

View original reply
@Lollybags:  +100 I totally agree with you.  It would definitely not sit well with me either, I would consider it very rude and if it was intentional they would be having to find themselves a new groomsmen.

Post # 19
Member
2389 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

You’re not a plus one, you’re a couple.  An engaged couple.  I wouldn’t let your Fiance say a thing – he should decline the invitation.  You can bet my husband wouldn’t be attending any wedding without me, groomsman or not.  

 

Actually, I believe the conversation would go something like this.  

 

“What the fuck man – you think I’m coming to this thing without oneofthesethings?  Fuck you!”  My H and his friends are so weird.  I do know that none of them would pull a stunt like not inviting someone’s partner – they’re grown-ups and know better.

 

Post # 20
Member
449 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@blueteacup:  Do you really think it’s possible that they didn’t invite you?! You are engaged to a groomsman!

I could never imagine any of our friends insulting us like that. Can you? Personally, I would assume that they incorrectly labeled the invitations before I assumed that they were snubbing us – and Fiance would definitely ask. 

Post # 21
Member
1403 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@blueteacup:  How long have you been engaged? Does this couple know?

Post # 22
Member
546 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

View original reply
@blueteacup:  If you’re close enough with other bridal party members, I think it’s okay to wait a little bit and see if they’re invited. In general I think it’s okay for your Fiance to float the question to the groom. If he can answer without involving the bride, I don’t think it’ll be as weird.

Do you have to travel for the wedding?

Unless their wedding is like 20 people small, I would find it very strange if you weren’t invited given that you’re engaged to a bridal party member. Even when people cut plus ones, the bridal party and people who are married/engaged usually get to keep theirs.

Post # 23
Member
11517 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

If he’s a groomsman, he should have been given a plus one – aka you should be invited.  However, if you don’t care too much I would leave it alone.  It sucks that they left you off but is it worth making them feel awkward?

Post # 24
Member
517 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

You are ENGAGED to him, I think he should ask. Why let it go? You aren’t some random person.

Post # 25
Member
522 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

@blueteacup:  I think your Fiance should say something. I would think common courtesy would dictate that the briday party gets plus-ones before anyone else. I’ve even read etiquette articles that say the bridal party gets a plus-one even if they’re not dating anybody.

Post # 26
Member
230 posts
Helper bee

He should ask.

 

As an engaged couple, you’re a social unit and should be invited together. It’s a big faux pas on the couple’s part to not invite you.

Post # 27
Member
784 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@blueteacup:  I’d have your fiance ask.  Again, the worst they could say is no.

Post # 28
Member
13561 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Could he ask any of the other groomsmen if their SOs are invited? Usually, I would try to let the +1 thing go, but with you guys being engaged AND him being in the bridal party, it seems like you might poke around a bit to try to find out more.

Post # 29
Member
463 posts
Helper bee

Let him ask. If they’re going to be so rude as to invite him without you, they can deal with telling him that directly. It could just be a mistake!

Post # 30
Member
1475 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

He’s in the bridal party AND he’s engaged…usually either of those two factors are enough to get a +1! Poor etiquette on their part for not inviting you. That’s just bizarre to me. When someone spends their time and money to be a part of your wedding party, it’s incredibly rude not to invite their SO…particularly when they are engaged or married!

Post # 31
Member
986 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 1984

@blueteacup:  I’d let it go. My son and FDIL are in the process of planning their wedding and, in order to keep costs reasonable, they are making some tough decisions about the guest list (among other things.)

They’ve been saving for a while to start their lives together and would really like to invite everyone, including the +1’s but, ultimately, they decided to keep the expenses at a financially manegeable level.

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