(Closed) Left out of brother's wedding

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
1600 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Did you ask your brother why? Tell him you’re disappointed?

Post # 3
Member
5 posts
Newbee

It’s definitely not dumb for you to feel left out. Your feelings at 100% valid. I do agree with the PP saying you should have a heart to heart or at least ask your brother.

 

Could it be that you are not in the wedding party because they feel they would have to give your finance a spot in the wedding party as well and your future SIL doesn’t feel close enough to your Fiance to do that? 

That makes sense to me because think about it – if they gave you a spot in the wedding party and not her, you will be doing various activities all day and possibly be sitting apart from her. Obviously I can’t say for sure, as it heavily depends on the relationship between your future SIL and Fiance but it is a thought. 

Post # 4
Member
13815 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Technically, he is not “obligated” but if there’s a wedding party and no rift, IMO it’s a pretty sad and thoughtless omission. 

I personally don’t think the bride not wanting to ask a fiance’s brother’s fiancé is remotely comparable.

Post # 5
Member
5 posts
Newbee

View original reply
weddingmaven :  I’m not necessarily saying she’s being reasonable (if that’s even the case) but I could see how that rationalization would work. It’s entirely possible that OP’s brother and brother’s Fiance are just thoughtless and insensitive.  /:

Post # 8
Member
2009 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
pat1885 :  it always hurts when you realize that you value a relationship more highly than the other person involved. I know this hurts, as it was genuinely thoughtless and cruel of your brother to leave you out—especially after you invited him to play such a key role in your own wedding! Of course he wasn’t “obligated” to include you bust any human being with a heart or brain would’ve known that siblings typically expect to be included in the wedding party….especially if you’re on good enough terms for them to invite you to be their own best man :/

 

do you still want him to play that role in your own wedding OP? because it’s totally reasonable and within your rights to change your mind now…

Post # 9
Member
722 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

Men have feelings too. You are valid in yours. I could understand maybe not be his best man but to not even be in the wedding, I think that’s a low blow. It’s to bad that you can’t even talk to him about it because you think it’s to embarrasing, so I guess you will never know. If you guys are as close as you think (he is your best man) you should be able to ask him anything, maybe you could ask him in a joking manner, or while over watching football. You don’t have to tell him your hurt, just simply ask “Hey Jim, question? Why wasn’t I asked to be in your wedding”? Let him talk, get your answer and don’t bring it up again. 

Post # 10
Member
5 posts
Newbee

View original reply
pat1885 :  if you’re pretty confident about it not being due to your future SIL’s relationship with your Fiance, then I’m honestly at a loss of what else it could be, but there might be a different reason.

Tbh I think you should swallow your pride (easier said than done I know) and talk to your brother. Even if it’s just super casual – like an, “Oh hey, I was curious if there was any reason why I’m not in your wedding party.” More or less casual in order to hide your feelings on the subject, because you seem to really care a lot about people not thinking you’re upset about it. 

I have three brothers, and if I hadn’t included them in the wedding party they would have been crushed (and understandably so.) You’re not being irrational, this isn’t weird for you to feel because you’re male, it is absolutely and 100% okay for you to feel left out and upset. It is also 100% okay to initiate a conversation and ask what’s going on – and think of it this way: you might find out that it honestly has nothing to do with you personally but a completely separate rationale. You may also find out that it does…but what you do with that information is your call.

Post # 11
Member
381 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Not inviting someone to be in your wedding party is not necessarily a reflection on their view of their relationship of you! My husband and I are very close to our siblings but chose not to have them in our wedding parties. People make different decisions for different reasons so best not to assume it’s for a negative reason 

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