- 5 years ago
- Wedding: August 2015
Good afternoon Bees
I’m new to the boards, but in need of some advice.
As the title suggests my fiancé and I would like to get legally married in October. We have our wedding ceremony planned for August of next year. I realize that for most it might not make sense, why not wait and get married legally and ceremonially the same day If you’ve already got it planned?
I am active duty Navy and my fiancé is Army reserve. We are paying for our wedding ourselves and we are planning a 50 guest ceremony and reception on board a dinner cruise. We have it all planned out, the centerpeices are already done, Bridesmaids dresses are picked out, and my dress is in my closet. Originally we budgeted to save for the wedding making payments every month but we’ve been playing catch up since he was making half of his normal paycheck while in Army AIT school. So money has become extremely tight.
We are absolutely in love. We have been living together for almost two years and have been engaged for seven months. Originally we wanted to get married shortly after we got engaged but being active duty military I’m stationed away from my family and my sister was pregnant and couldn’t travel and asked us to wait. Then we found out that my maid of honor was pregnant and of course she didn’t want to be super pregnant durring the wedding or unable to help with wedding prep. I honestly didnt care i was happy for her but she really hated the idea Of being huge in our wedding pictures. Also my dad is working in Iraq so we had to plan the wedding around a time when he would be able to return to the country. In essence our wedding ceremony kept getting postponed to accommodate our family and friends when all we really wanted was to be married as soon as possible. But, we wanted the big ceremony with our loved ones there so we planned it for over a year out from our engagement and booked the boat and made the budget.
Recently we’ve realized we just want to be married. We are sick of living together and building our life and home together and not being married. Religiously, we’ve started attending church more regularly and not being married has weighed more on us in that department. Plus financially speaking if we were legally married our income would increase substantially and we would be able to make our wedding payments without struggling so much.
We brought up our plans to marry legally first to our friends in the area and they were incredibly happy for us. No questions asked just purely psyched that we were happy. My maid of honor brought up some reservations about how people would look at our ceremony, but said she supported us fully and couldn’t wait to waddle into the court room to watch. It’s a common practice for military to get legally married first to help pay for the ceremony. I’ve had two close friends recently do it and a number of people in my chain of command had asked me why I hadn’t done it yet before we settled on the idea.
My mother however absolutely lost it. She said she didn’t support the idea at all, that it was stupid to get married twice, that no one would travel to go to our ceremony if we were already legally married, that I was making a mistake.
We dont plan on hiding the fact that we are getting legally married we are excited to have a little private legal ceremony with just the maid of honor and best man there then spend a weekend just the two of us in wedded bliss. Then to continue to plan our wedding ceremony with less stress and more excitement. We don’t want to take anything away from our family and friends that’s why we are still keeping our plans for our big ceremony in August and we are looking forward to writing our own vows, walking down the isle, celebrating our love with the people we love.
How do I convey that to our family and friends that don’t seem to understand. Or maybe some of you also object to the idea but are better communicators than my mother and can possibly give a better argument against it than “it’s stupid to have two weddings”.
I don’t know I’d just really love some feedback. Thank you guys for your time.