(Closed) legal marriage before wedding

posted 8 years ago in Legal
Post # 3
Member
1326 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Tre Bella, Mesa, AZ

I may have a different perspective on this, but I think it’s totally ok. “Marriage” is just a word and a legal contract. You wil still be excited on your wedding day because it will be the event of the year (literally) for you, and a time to share your union with your friends and family. My Fiance and I will be getting legally wed prior to our wedding date as well since our state won’t legally marry us (same sex couple), so we’ll be traveling a month or so before our actual wedding to get the legalities taken care of, then having the ceremony in our home state.

Edit: I’ll also mention that you may get some push back on that point from your family if they are more conservative. 😉

Post # 4
Member
2288 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

My husband and I did this for the exact reason you stated. Did it take away some of the excitement? Honestly, I think it did a little. BUT, it also took away a lot of the pressure.

Post # 5
Member
916 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Im having a wedding, and a pre-wedding wedding, during which I will get legally married.  I am worried about the same thing as you.  So I don’t have the answer for you, but know you are not alone!

Yes, I think you should have a shower and have your dad walk you down the aisle and all that good stuff, even though you will have signed papers beforehand.

Post # 6
Member
12 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2011

The way I see it is, we are supposed to have separation of church and state, so just because the state married you doesn’t mean your wedding ceremony will mean any less.  I think most people have a civil wedding because they have to so they can buy a house, for example or get on the other’s health insurance plan.  I don’t feel the government should be involved in my marriage (even though they are), so I don’t think I am really married anyways until my actual wedding day.  I will most likely be doing my civil ceremony first to get the “legal hassles” out of the way first.

Post # 7
Member
1326 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Tre Bella, Mesa, AZ

Totally ditto to Noel. 🙂 Much better than what I could have said.

Post # 8
Member
407 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I just had my “pre-wedding wedding” (as a pp put it) this past weekend. We’re still planning to have a traditional/formal wedding in 2012. While I can’t officially weigh in on whether or not it will take away from the excitement of our day next year… I can say this.

We had both our immediate families, had a nice ceremony, a dinner, a cake and it ended as a very very special day for both of us. Now that the day has come and passed, I’ve had a few concerns about our future wedding day. Will it seem redundant? Will guests feel like its just a reception or less special? Is it worth spending the money now that we’re married and DID have a nice ceremony? etc.

In the end, despite my worries, I keep coming back to the point that I feel a little incomplete not having shared our union with the rest of our family and friends. I want my Dad to walk me down the aisle, I want my Granny to see us all done up! I want to share our special relationship and love with those that mean the most to us, and I can’t do that until we have our formal wedding day! So to that end, I think its those little things that will still make for a very very exciting day!  

Post # 10
Member
407 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

@nursejp06: I love the Feb 14th idea! It makes the two dates thing a lot less confusing and much more intimate/private for you and your Fiance. We were thinking to have our big day a year to the date to avoid this, but if I had of thought of the V-day think first, I’d have seriously considered that! Cute!

Post # 11
Member
755 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I really don’t think it’s a horrible idea. When me and my Fi originally got engaged I had mentioned the idea to him because I had already lost my grandfather who I was very close to and couldn’t fathom losing my grandmother (who was very ill) as well before I got married. So when she got really bad off and we knew there wasn’t much time left we started talking about it seriously. We talked about having a small immediate family ceremony and then having a big party later. But we were just a little too late. I know this isn’t for the same reason but it’s the same process. And I don’t see an issue with it. I think as someone else said it’s a matter of the separation of church and state.

Post # 12
Member
76 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I don’t have an answer for you, but I’m genuinely curious about something.  Why do you have to be married to get the loan? I don’t think I’ve ever heard of this before. Single people (related or otherwise) buy houses together all the time. Are you sure that’s something you actually need to do? I think it should be possible for you both to be on the deed and/or the mortgage without tying the knot…

Post # 13
Member
755 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@MsCotton: I know one reason is to save legal hassles later on. If you sign the deed under one name it’s an annoying process to change the name. Also, you can get a better first time buyers loan if you’re married.

Post # 16
Member
21 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I got married to my husband about over 5 years ago for paper. Back then we had no money for wedding ceremony or erings, so we waited until we could afford it. He prepose to me last October and we will have our wedding on november of this year! I am as excited as I can possibly be!  

I totally agree with Noel.Kabrick don’t forget to make a difference between the civil marriage, and a spiritual wedding ceremony.

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