(Closed) LEGAL marriage matters to us, but so many just don’t *get it*… (vent)

posted 8 years ago in LGBTQ
Post # 3
Member
6597 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I can’t relate but I do understand where you are coming from.

Coming from a place where all marriages are considered equal it is hard to understand why the entire US hasn’t followed suit!

I am sorry people don’t understand. You deserve the same marriage as the rest of us!

Where are you traveling too?

I wish you and your Fiance the best of luck with everything!

Post # 4
Member
1418 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

As a straight woman, I cannot directly relate to this personally…but I absolutely agree with you.  I would want a legally recognized union regardless of the sex of my partner and I think this whole deal about gay marriage is ridiculous.  We should all have equal rights.  End of story.  Sexual orientation, race, religion, etc. should not be factors in determining what rights you have.  I know not everyone agrees with same-sex marriage and that is their opinion to have, but it should not be at the expense of another’s rights.  A legally recognized marriage is what you deserve and if you need to travel 1200 miles to get it, then I say good for you!   

Post # 5
Member
2214 posts
Buzzing bee

Like the others, I’m straight so I can’t relate personally, but I agree 100% with everything you said.  I’m a huge advocate of same-sex marriage, more so than the other issues I care about.  I’m lucky to have lived in MA for 21 years, so almost everyone I know from home is liberal and pro-same-sex marriage. Now I live in the south, and I just don’t understand what peoples’ problems are. You don’t agree with same-sex marriage? That’s fine. Don’t get married to a person of the same sex, but don’t dictate what other people can do based on your own beliefs. Allowing same-sex marriage doesn’t in anyway affect the rights of others, but not allowing it does, and it’s just not right. ::Steps off soapbox::

Post # 6
Member
5263 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

I can’t fathom how it must feel to be so discriminated against by most states in the US, and I’m deeply disappointed in our county that you even HAVE to travel to get married. I imagine that most of the naysayers are simply people who are so used to not having to think about rights, that they don’t truly know how they’d act if the situation was reversed and heterosexual marriage was illegal in most states. I think the most you can do is stand firm and reiterate that you are taking advantage of the strides made in civil rights in the last few years, and that you’d love it if they’d join in your joy of your upcoming marriage, but if they cannot do that to please respect your feelings on the matter. 

Post # 7
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I can’t wait until it’s legalized in the whole united states.

@Bostonbee, completely agree. I grew up in So Cal and now live in the midwest. People are so not okay with it!

I think it sucks you have to travel, but I think it’s definitely the right thing to do!!

Post # 9
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Ok that’s weird. How can you be pro-gay marriage but discourage a couple from traveling to a state where their marriage is actually legal versus just a ceremony that mimics the actual legalities?

I think marriage is finalized with the piece of paper after the commitment is there, but dammit i still wanted it. if the legality wasn’t important, nobody would do it “officially”.

Post # 10
Member
2538 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Although I in now way can relate, I will say that I’m so happy that you can (after traveling away from your own home) legally wed. However, I truly hope that one day no one will have to travel to get married unless they actually want to travel. *hugs

Post # 11
Member
3316 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I can certainly relate!  Even though NotFroofy and I had made commitments to each other many years before same-sex marriage was legal anywhere, I never referred to her as my wife.  I’m a lawyer, and for me there is a huge difference between a private commitment and the legal status of marriage.

Even when Vermont implemented civil unions, we did not have one.  Getting “civilly unioned” would in my mind have been a resignation to never really being married.

By contrast, once we were legally married in Massachusetts, I started referring to NotFroofy as my wife, even though at the time it appeared that our home state of Maryland would not recognize the marriage.  At that point, we had taken all the legal steps to be married, and we knew that any jurisdiction that had or recognized same-sex marriage at all would recognize it.  Yes, some states would not recognize our marriage, but that did not mean we weren’t married.

Post # 12
Member
505 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I don’t get how some states can make it legal and some dont….just make it legal across the board.

I’m from MA and it’s not like our state has fallen into ocean because we allowed same sex marriage.  

I would say the people who just don’t get why you would want to travel 1200 miles that its the closed minded people in the world that are making it possible (sense sarcasm) for me to travel 1200 miles to marry the person that i love.  And that just because it won’t be legal in TX doesn’t mean that it won’t be legal in my eyes.

 

I roll my eyes & stick my tongue out at people who have issues with same-sex marriage.  I’m sorry…who are YOU to say who I can and can not love/marry.  

Come to MA…we will open you with open arms…

 

Post # 13
Member
1408 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@MsInterpret: I can somewhat relate. While I am marrying a man, I am also Queer and have dated my fair share of women and transgendered folks. Frankly, I believe that you ought to be able to marry any adult consensualy that you love and who loves you back. I am very pro-gay marriage. I have quite a lot of friends who want to get married and can’t and it breaks my heart. I am sorry your friends and family don’t understand. I have a slightly similar problem in that my women’s studies friends can’t understand why I, a queer feminist woman, am getting married, and to a man! I think sometimes it takes people a while to wrap their minds around new concepts, especially if they slotted you into a certain place and you’re doing something unexpected. I’d say give it a little time. i bet the closer you get to your wedding, the more accepting and excited people will be (that’s my experience over the last 17 months!). Good luck!

@ejs4y8: Please don’t generalize! I am strongly Pro-gay marriage and I know a ton of people who are and I live in the midwest! In fact, I know more people who are pro-gay marriage then against (I had to think really hard to think of anyone against!). While WI did pass that stupid constitutional amendment, it was a fairly close loss. Sorry to get antsy on this subject! I just often feel coasters look down on the Midwest and it makes me prikely!

 

Post # 14
Member
1585 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Just want to let you know that I support you 100% and I hope every day for equal rights for all!

Post # 16
Member
900 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Yay for Iowa!  Funny that everyone assumes California is so liberal and the midwest so conservative but Iowa passes a law recognizing same-sex marriage and California makes it illegal in our state Constitution.  I have a sort-of interesting perspective on this.  Both of my mom’s brothers are gay.  One is 64, the other 40.  My 40 y/o uncle who I shared a room with when I was little i.e. like my big brother is so invested in the same-sex marriage cause because after complicated relationships he’s met a wonderful man whom he would really like to marry.  We marched in the rallies in San Diego together, but alas…were defeated.  I get it.  Not like you get it, but I get it.  If I had to fly to Canada to legally wed my Fiance I would.  Congratulations…hopefully Texas will change things one day.

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