Post # 1
I’m growing frustrated by one thing right now, and that is comments from friends and family, both gay and straight, who cannot understand why we are willing to travel 1200 miles to have a legal wedding, especially when we live in Texas and it is not recognized here anyway.
I just feel like, especially with my straight friends, they would never have considered, at their own weddings, skipping the license and legal aspect of their wedding. They would (for the most part) never dream of having a “commitment ceremony” when a legal marriage is available to them without much trouble.
I liked it best how Ellen’s wife, Portia DeRossi, summed it up. When you are legally wed, there is no quotation around “wife”. No one can insist that your spouse is not your spouse, when they are in fact your legal spouse!
I know that some don’t understand and it’s even hard for me to put all into words, but for us it means a lot and I’m just a bit tired of answering questions about why we don’t just do “something” here in our home state and be happy with that, when it comes from people who would never have left out the license and legal officiant and all that in their OWN weddigns!
:::sigh:::: Anyone relate?
Post # 3
I can’t relate but I do understand where you are coming from.
Coming from a place where all marriages are considered equal it is hard to understand why the entire US hasn’t followed suit!
I am sorry people don’t understand. You deserve the same marriage as the rest of us!
Where are you traveling too?
I wish you and your Fiance the best of luck with everything!
Post # 4
As a straight woman, I cannot directly relate to this personally…but I absolutely agree with you. I would want a legally recognized union regardless of the sex of my partner and I think this whole deal about gay marriage is ridiculous. We should all have equal rights. End of story. Sexual orientation, race, religion, etc. should not be factors in determining what rights you have. I know not everyone agrees with same-sex marriage and that is their opinion to have, but it should not be at the expense of another’s rights. A legally recognized marriage is what you deserve and if you need to travel 1200 miles to get it, then I say good for you!
Post # 5
Like the others, I’m straight so I can’t relate personally, but I agree 100% with everything you said. I’m a huge advocate of same-sex marriage, more so than the other issues I care about. I’m lucky to have lived in MA for 21 years, so almost everyone I know from home is liberal and pro-same-sex marriage. Now I live in the south, and I just don’t understand what peoples’ problems are. You don’t agree with same-sex marriage? That’s fine. Don’t get married to a person of the same sex, but don’t dictate what other people can do based on your own beliefs. Allowing same-sex marriage doesn’t in anyway affect the rights of others, but not allowing it does, and it’s just not right. ::Steps off soapbox::
Post # 6
I can’t fathom how it must feel to be so discriminated against by most states in the US, and I’m deeply disappointed in our county that you even HAVE to travel to get married. I imagine that most of the naysayers are simply people who are so used to not having to think about rights, that they don’t truly know how they’d act if the situation was reversed and heterosexual marriage was illegal in most states. I think the most you can do is stand firm and reiterate that you are taking advantage of the strides made in civil rights in the last few years, and that you’d love it if they’d join in your joy of your upcoming marriage, but if they cannot do that to please respect your feelings on the matter.
Post # 7
I can’t wait until it’s legalized in the whole united states.
@Bostonbee, completely agree. I grew up in So Cal and now live in the midwest. People are so not okay with it!
I think it sucks you have to travel, but I think it’s definitely the right thing to do!!
Post # 8
Thank you thank you thank you for all that have replied, for “Getting it”. I must clarify that those making comments are ultra-liberal, pro same sex marriage type of people.. so they are all in favor of gay marriage rights but they don’t get why we are willing to travel to Iowa and then come back here to live in Texas where it ‘means nothing’ legally.
Of course we won’t be in Texas forever which is one big reason! We are actually considering relocating to one of the states where our marriage would be recognized (plus, we’d very much like to live where there are 4 seasons!!)
I guess it’s those same people who think marriage is “just a piece of paper” (my mom is like that) and can take it or leave it in general. We have an awesome family member (FIs aunt, who is also gay) who is thrilled to come to our wedding but at first was like “Why do you want to do all that? You’re together, you’re committed, what else do you need?”
Post # 9
Ok that’s weird. How can you be pro-gay marriage but discourage a couple from traveling to a state where their marriage is actually legal versus just a ceremony that mimics the actual legalities?
I think marriage is finalized with the piece of paper after the commitment is there, but dammit i still wanted it. if the legality wasn’t important, nobody would do it “officially”.
Post # 10
Although I in now way can relate, I will say that I’m so happy that you can (after traveling away from your own home) legally wed. However, I truly hope that one day no one will have to travel to get married unless they actually want to travel. *hugs
Post # 11
I can certainly relate! Even though NotFroofy and I had made commitments to each other many years before same-sex marriage was legal anywhere, I never referred to her as my wife. I’m a lawyer, and for me there is a huge difference between a private commitment and the legal status of marriage.
Even when Vermont implemented civil unions, we did not have one. Getting “civilly unioned” would in my mind have been a resignation to never really being married.
By contrast, once we were legally married in Massachusetts, I started referring to NotFroofy as my wife, even though at the time it appeared that our home state of Maryland would not recognize the marriage. At that point, we had taken all the legal steps to be married, and we knew that any jurisdiction that had or recognized same-sex marriage at all would recognize it. Yes, some states would not recognize our marriage, but that did not mean we weren’t married.
Post # 12
I don’t get how some states can make it legal and some dont….just make it legal across the board.
I’m from MA and it’s not like our state has fallen into ocean because we allowed same sex marriage.
I would say the people who just don’t get why you would want to travel 1200 miles that its the closed minded people in the world that are making it possible (sense sarcasm) for me to travel 1200 miles to marry the person that i love. And that just because it won’t be legal in TX doesn’t mean that it won’t be legal in my eyes.
I roll my eyes & stick my tongue out at people who have issues with same-sex marriage. I’m sorry…who are YOU to say who I can and can not love/marry.
Come to MA…we will open you with open arms…
Post # 13
@MsInterpret: I can somewhat relate. While I am marrying a man, I am also Queer and have dated my fair share of women and transgendered folks. Frankly, I believe that you ought to be able to marry any adult consensualy that you love and who loves you back. I am very pro-gay marriage. I have quite a lot of friends who want to get married and can’t and it breaks my heart. I am sorry your friends and family don’t understand. I have a slightly similar problem in that my women’s studies friends can’t understand why I, a queer feminist woman, am getting married, and to a man! I think sometimes it takes people a while to wrap their minds around new concepts, especially if they slotted you into a certain place and you’re doing something unexpected. I’d say give it a little time. i bet the closer you get to your wedding, the more accepting and excited people will be (that’s my experience over the last 17 months!). Good luck!
@ejs4y8: Please don’t generalize! I am strongly Pro-gay marriage and I know a ton of people who are and I live in the midwest! In fact, I know more people who are pro-gay marriage then against (I had to think really hard to think of anyone against!). While WI did pass that stupid constitutional amendment, it was a fairly close loss. Sorry to get antsy on this subject! I just often feel coasters look down on the Midwest and it makes me prikely!
Post # 14
Just want to let you know that I support you 100% and I hope every day for equal rights for all!
Post # 15
@ejs4y8: Yes and that is wat’s weird to me too. I’ve heard this from others but the one friend that sparked me to post because of her comments about us traveling to do this is someone who is very very liberal. She has a ton of gay and lesbian friends. In fact, and this is probably Too Much Information but oh well… she was the first woman I ever had any kind of intimate relations with! (back when I was 18, mind you.. I am 39 now, and it was a post-drinking/dancing seduction on her part!!). I’ve known her forever. She doesn’t ID as bi or anything but she slept with more women in her college years than I have in my lifetime! Then married a guy, and it ended very badly a couple years ago.
She’s highly educated and very intellectual and very liberal so WTF? I don’t know!
So she is happy about our wedding but doesn’t “get” why we don’t just do “something” here in town and talked about some guy friends of hers here who had a huge wedding and it was so posh it ended up in the paper.. to her their wedding was “just as good” without the legal aspect, I guess. I don’t know. I was just annoyed that I had to explain it to her at all. I mean really!
@2dBride: Exactly. We have been committed for years now! The anticipation of being REALLY MARRIED is just awesome though. We cannot wait. Our kids cannot wait. They’ve asked us for years when we would get married and they want very much for us to be married.
Everyone else: thanks again for your support… I am not dealing with an outright “you shouldn’t get married” type of reaction but more of a “why bother doing this legal thing” that drives me nuts. I know some people don’t value marriage (for anyone, gay or straight) and I can respect that but when it comes to people who have BEEN married or who WOULD do it, then I should not be having to explain the WHY to them.
But yes, while we wish it were legally recognized in our home state, I am not holding my breath on that one for Texas any time soon and we look forward to one day living somewhere where it IS recognized.
My Fiance grew up in Iowa and never imagined same-sex marriage would be legal there. We were surprised but thrilled!
Post # 16
Yay for Iowa! Funny that everyone assumes California is so liberal and the midwest so conservative but Iowa passes a law recognizing same-sex marriage and California makes it illegal in our state Constitution. I have a sort-of interesting perspective on this. Both of my mom’s brothers are gay. One is 64, the other 40. My 40 y/o uncle who I shared a room with when I was little i.e. like my big brother is so invested in the same-sex marriage cause because after complicated relationships he’s met a wonderful man whom he would really like to marry. We marched in the rallies in San Diego together, but alas…were defeated. I get it. Not like you get it, but I get it. If I had to fly to Canada to legally wed my Fiance I would. Congratulations…hopefully Texas will change things one day.