(Closed) Legally married before the Wedding? ideas?

posted 9 years ago in Ceremony
  • poll: when does it make most sense to get married?

    legal marriage and ceremony on the same day, no honeymoon

    legal marriage the week before the ceremony, plus a honeymoon

    other (please let me know)

  • Post # 18
    Member
    650 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2018

    @slcall:

    I’d go with option 2 it sound easier and simpler.  I see nothing wrong with having a 2nd wedding later on.

    Post # 19
    Member
    225 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I see marriage/wedding as having two sides – the spiritual/social side of things and the legal side of things. I think it is totally acceptable to nail out the legal side of things and commit to that commitment and then go ahead and have the social/spiritual commitment seperately. Go for it! It is your call and your wedding 🙂 As long as you and Fiance are happy! 

    Post # 20
    Member
    280 posts
    Helper bee

    You’ve got to do what is practical. My Fiance and I faced severe visa issues, possibility of no re-entry and work permit problems. We quietly did the legal part in a registry office 8 months before the wedding we were already halfway through planning, as the visa required at least 6 months of marriage before we could even apply. There has been a lot of judgement on the Bee about couples who are forced to go this route but honestly, don’t let that stop you. A wedding is the exchange of vows out loud in front of family and friends (and God, which in my case is important), not just a cold transaction signing a piece of paper. In most ceremonies the wedding certificate doesn’t even make an appearance! Have the wedding you want, on the timescale that is convenient to you. You’re not asking for a party, gifts etc for your registry ceremony!

    @classyashley:  That article is really offensive.

    Post # 22
    Member
    69 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    @Oxfordnerd:  My SO and I got married for the same reason, but definitely want to have an actual wedding too. There’s so much judgement and hate on here from people who have never been in this situation and don’t know what it’s like, but we’re happy with our decision and nobody is going to influence us.

    Post # 23
    Member
    180 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I would go with option 2, just because you do the legal side doesn’t mean you can’t have a wedding, especially if the ceremony is more the spirtual side, which IMO is more important anyway. 

    Post # 24
    Member
    280 posts
    Helper bee

    @burnabrenna:  Yeah, I want to bet none of the haters have ever had to lie awake in bed at night wondering if their groom will be able to show up at the altar or get stuck at immigration. I don’t understand why they see the piece of paper as the be all and end all – that’s a legal status. A marriage lives in your heart, not in a signature. I also don’t understand why I’d have to be accused of gift grabbing by people who happily have 3 bridal showers, 2 bachellorettes, engagement parties and god knows how many other gift-based events!

    Post # 25
    Member
    315 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    @kateisstoned:  +1  People seem to forget that there is legal and there is spiritual and those are two very different things.  Is there a spiritual aspect to the ceremony you will be having in colorodo? 

    Post # 27
    Member
    118 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I personally agree with those who say that marriage has two sides – the legal paperwork, which all that does is seal the deal for the government, insurance, taxes, etc.  And the either spiritual, religous, or symbolic commitment portion which is what the ceremony is about.  There’s nothing that requires these two things be at the same time.  A legal marriage and a wedding ceremony are two distinct things.   Some people have a wedding ceremony that cannot be legally married, yet they commit themselves to one another.  Some people get legally married outside the bounds of comittment to one another like for visa’s sake, even without the love (though the govt does try to discourage this by requiring that you have the same address).  But anyhow.  They are two distinct things in my mind.   What the celebration is really about is the comittment and your declaration of love, not your tax forms.  That means you can do either of them at any time that makes the most sense, and it should be just as meaningful.

     

    Post # 28
    Member
    488 posts
    Helper bee

    Don’t stress and do what is right for YOU AND YOUR PARTNER. I am ‘legally’ getting married on the 30th May because I am an expat in Dubai, and we want get the paper work over with, the church is in the middle of no where and I would be stressed shipping my guests back n forth, half of them would get lost on the way any way. It’s really not my dream to have my guests witnessing me marrying there any way, cos it’s a boring, bland looking church, and since we live in a Muslim country, we dont have much choice.

     

     

     

    We also dont want to risk the implications of being a couple unmarried in Dubai!

     

     

     

    Plus it’s REALLY HOT here and my guests will hate it in May. I had a hard time coming to this decision, but after speaking to lots of expats here who did the same thing, including my best mate, I feel better.

     

     

     

    I still consider it special though, we will have four witnesses. I am wearing a casual/boho dress and flower crown. Then we will go to Abu Dhabi for the night n just chill, take off our wedding rings and store away for the wedding in Nov. I do consider my 2ND wedding the BIG one, as we will be saying our REAL vows and will be declaring our love/dedication infront of those we care for, haveing speeches, a celebration and all that jazz.

     

     

     

    All my family understand and have been informed and are still totally excited to be coming (those who can attend). If any one made a scene over it, I dont think I would have time for them, cos they are not in my shoes and dont fully grasp why we are doing what we are doing.

     

     

     

    YOU CAN have a legal ceremony and have your WEDDING later, and no you do not have to call it a renewal of vows. We live in the 21st century, my whole wedding is back to front. I have a legal ceremony and then my belated engagement in the UK AND then my WEDDING! It’s not ideal, if I could have had it easier I would have, but there were soooo many things to consider and quite frankly I am now relieved that all that legal jargon will be out of the way and I can focus on what is important, my LOVE, my family and my true vows!

     

     

     

    My family are understanding, all they care about is that they witness our vows and celebrate with us. They have not badgered me about the legal stuff, they understand how hard it can be with anything over here when it comes to living together, marriage laws and so on.

     

     

     

    So long as you are open and honest and dont lie, I say do what you feel is best for you. I am actually going to a wedding in November, 2 weeks before mine and the bride and groom have already ‘legally’ got married in Cyprus/Gunshot for their own reasons. They never got their BIG day and I will be damned if I am considering thier wedding in November to be anything but a wedding… It’s their BIG day, not a ‘renewal of vows’ end of, and I will be there to support them and treat them as if it is nothing but the most special day of their lifes x

    Post # 29
    Member
    118 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I just realized how incorrect it is to even suggest that a wedding ceremony taking place after the legal paperwork has been signed need to be considered a “Vow Renewal”.  No vows at all are required to sign legal paperwork.

     

    Saying to the govenrment that you are married by law is no vow at all.  Vows:  That is exactly what the wedding ceremony is for. 

    Post # 30
    Member
    339 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    @rdownie1:  I am with you1 we did the same thing. My husbands mother passed away before we were to have our wedding last summer and since no one was in the mood to really celebrate we got legally married last summer but will have our wedding next summer. Everyone knows we are married already legally and will be having our wedding next summer. No one has said anything becuase that will and is our special day those who feel otherwise can stay home. we didn’t do pre wedding parties not engagement photos. what we will do this time is have photos taken on our one year legal anniversary and send those out as save the dates for our wedding. I ams still his Bride and he is still by Groom. Anything else is up to other peoples interpretation and yes we both feel the same about having our wedding next summer. We will actually celebrate both days. the legal one being just an intimate diinner for the two of us and the public wedding being our true anniversary in our eyes. End of story. 

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