(Closed) Legally married before the Wedding? ideas?

posted 7 years ago in Ceremony
  • poll: when does it make most sense to get married?

    legal marriage and ceremony on the same day, no honeymoon

    legal marriage the week before the ceremony, plus a honeymoon

    other (please let me know)

  • Post # 77
    Member
    396 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

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    @RunsWithBears  NO get it right she attacked my husband and i Sritual and cultural beliefts but you would never think to consider that. IT is one thing to EXPRESS your views it quite another to TELL ME THAT I AM JUST PUTTING ON SHOW THAT IS ALL FAKE! GET IT RIGHT> I don’t tolerate ignorance on any level ! ENOUGH SAID LEARN THE DIFFERENCE!!!!!!!!!

    Post # 78
    Member
    660 posts
    Busy bee

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    @Zhabeego  

    I do not personally condone not informing your guests of the situation, I’d much rather be honest about it all then pussy foot around ppl, and they can take it or leave it – On the other hand, if someone chose not to tell ppl, that is still their prerogative and its still their wedding to make such decisions and I am sure they have their reasons.

    You have undertones of judgments towards ppl who do exactly the same things and DO TELL PPL, you are just sugar coating it with your latest comments, because if I remember the very first comment you came out with on this thread was:“The day you get married is your wedding.  You cannot separate the act of getting married from a wedding- all it is then is a stage show” . I’d have more respect for you if you just stuck to your initial remarks. A someone else so eloquently put it Remember that there is no law or a rule book regarding how or when or why to plan your wedding a certain way. I know that there are a lot of people (I have experienced this) that will bring down the law of some kind of wedding etiquette but that does not exist”

    Post # 79
    Member
    906 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    I like option #2. Do what YOU want, and what you want sounds like #2. Don’t let the snippy folks get you down. It’s your life and your relationship.

     

    I can tell you that, as a guest, I’ve attended 2 weddings where the couples were legally married in the months prior. Both couples made that decision because of immigration (one to the US, the other to the UK). You know what? I loved being witness to the later wedding ceremonies where they were able to pledge their love to one another not just at a courthouse for legal reasons, but in front of their assembled family and friends as they dreamed. I didn’t care when they’d signed that paperwork. I was there to celebrate with them!

    Post # 80
    Member
    660 posts
    Busy bee

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    @ArtDecoDC  Indeed. I am both a bride going through this and a bridesmaid/guest of another bride doing the same in November. And I feel the same way! (I wrote other stuff, but for respect of my friends privacy, I deleted it)

     

     

     

     

     

     

    Post # 81
    Member
    2702 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

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    @Zhabeego  Actually, that was a different poster,
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    @Zhabeego  who said it would be staged.  This poster later went on to say that she agrees that there is a difference between a legal and spiritual marriage and doesn’t see a problem with doing one sooner than the other.  I just don’t see where your beliefs were attacked.  Plus, the OP even said she wasn’t religious so why would any poster give religious-related advice?

     

     

     

    Anyway, what she, and other posters are trying to get at, is that marriage is commonly defined legally and therefore, when you are legally married, you are married.  This is not only in the eyes of the state but in the eyes of the majority of people.  And when you are married, that is your wedding.  You cannot simply change the definition of marriage and wedding to whatever you want it to be.

     

     

     

    ETA: I’m not sure what religion you are, but from my understanding, most Christian Churches recognize civil marriages.  Therefore, if you are legally married, you would have the church bless or recognize your marriage as opposed to a second or re-marriage.  So to pretend like it is the original and only marriage (as opposed to a blessing/recognition) would be a staged show.

     

    Post # 82
    Member
    2597 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

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    @rdownie1  Well, actually, wedding etiquette does, in fact, exist.  Its true that etiquette rules are not a matter of law – courtesy or the lack of it is strictly voluntary.  People have absolute free will and there’s really nothing to compel them from either being as polite and gracious or as rude and boorish as they wish when planning their wedding.  It all depends on what their priorities are.

    The day you get married is your wedding.  I stand by that.  I’m not sugar coating anything but I do agree that sometimes couples can have very compelling reasons for wanting or needing to have a legal ceremony prior to a religious one.  Or as another poster indicated, more than one ceremony or custom is the norm or their particular circumstances dictate it.

    If, for example, a couple wants a legal marriage before one of them deploys to Iraq but have a religious ceremony after they return, I think that’s perfectly fine provided they are honest about the fact that they are already married. 

    If the subsequent “wedding” isn’t religious or cultural – then sorry, but yeah, it is a stage show.  Its about wanting poufy white dress, the audience, the traditions and having the fantasy wedding despite not wanting to do things traditionally.  Its right up there with wanting to elope but still wanting people not invited to your wedding to give you showers and bachelorette parties.

    Post # 83
    Member
    1423 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2009

    Lots of people, for one reason or another, fill out the paperwork on one day and have their ceremony/reception on another.  It’s really no one’s business but their’s. 

    This is only becoming more and more common.  Many people aren’t religious and don’t want a religious officiant to perform the ceremony — but it can be very difficult to get a government official to perform a ceremony (especially on a Saturday), and not all states recognize internet ordained ministers. 

    Depending on which state you live in, you might be legally required to sign your marriage license when you pick it up and then you have a period of time in which to have an officiant or an official sign it and then send it back in (the couple never need never see it again handing it over to the officiant).   So the above post which says you need a ceremony before you sign paperwork is factually incorrect — that your signature means you have been wed.  You signature means only that you intend to be married within the given timeframe, at least in the states in question. 

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    Post # 84
    Member
    660 posts
    Busy bee

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    @Zhabeego  Well then we shall AGREE to DISAGREE then! Because I am not buying the latter part of what you are saying in the slightest.

    Post # 85
    Member
    2597 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

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    @bluegreenjean  Ah.  Well, that would be different, I agree. 

    Post # 86
    Member
    396 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

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    @ArtDecoDC  Thank you for that, some people lose sight or never get that point. 

    Post # 87
    Member
    396 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

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    @bluegreenjean  Thank you for pointing that out! you stated it beautifully but I realize people are going to think what they want. SADLY so if me marrying my GROOM/Husband on adifferent day than our legal paperwork took place makes me selfish than so be it. I am happy and so is he. We have our reasons for doing it the way we are doing it and NONE is gonna take that from us. 

    Post # 88
    Member
    396 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

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    @rdownie1  I like that WELL stated. 

    Post # 89
    Member
    396 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

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    @RunsWithBears  All I can say to that is define that christian church becuase they do not fit under one big umbrella and while it is recognized, in most Christian circles, a couples personal spritual beliefs override. It does say in the Bible that if a person thinks a thing wrong no one should make them feel bad for it. SMH it is sad that people are so quick to judge instead of saying to each is own. My problem is the blatant disrespect. But whatever, you think is fine by me it does not change what I think or my husband/groom thinks one iota. I am sorry you are not able to see both sides but then again everything is not for everyone. 

    Post # 91
    Member
    660 posts
    Busy bee

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    @slcall  Honey, YOU never upset any one! It was the responses that followed that did. Any way, congrats what ever the outcome and I hope you enjoy your big day 🙂  

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