- 7 years ago
- Wedding: August 2015
I do not personally condone not informing your guests of the situation, I’d much rather be honest about it all then pussy foot around ppl, and they can take it or leave it – On the other hand, if someone chose not to tell ppl, that is still their prerogative and its still their wedding to make such decisions and I am sure they have their reasons.
You have undertones of judgments towards ppl who do exactly the same things and DO TELL PPL, you are just sugar coating it with your latest comments, because if I remember the very first comment you came out with on this thread was:“The day you get married is your wedding. You cannot separate the act of getting married from a wedding- all it is then is a stage show” . I’d have more respect for you if you just stuck to your initial remarks. A someone else so eloquently put it “Remember that there is no law or a rule book regarding how or when or why to plan your wedding a certain way. I know that there are a lot of people (I have experienced this) that will bring down the law of some kind of wedding etiquette but that does not exist”
I like option #2. Do what YOU want, and what you want sounds like #2. Don’t let the snippy folks get you down. It’s your life and your relationship.
I can tell you that, as a guest, I’ve attended 2 weddings where the couples were legally married in the months prior. Both couples made that decision because of immigration (one to the US, the other to the UK). You know what? I loved being witness to the later wedding ceremonies where they were able to pledge their love to one another not just at a courthouse for legal reasons, but in front of their assembled family and friends as they dreamed. I didn’t care when they’d signed that paperwork. I was there to celebrate with them!
Anyway, what she, and other posters are trying to get at, is that marriage is commonly defined legally and therefore, when you are legally married, you are married. This is not only in the eyes of the state but in the eyes of the majority of people. And when you are married, that is your wedding. You cannot simply change the definition of marriage and wedding to whatever you want it to be.
ETA: I’m not sure what religion you are, but from my understanding, most Christian Churches recognize civil marriages. Therefore, if you are legally married, you would have the church bless or recognize your marriage as opposed to a second or re-marriage. So to pretend like it is the original and only marriage (as opposed to a blessing/recognition) would be a staged show.
The day you get married is your wedding. I stand by that. I’m not sugar coating anything but I do agree that sometimes couples can have very compelling reasons for wanting or needing to have a legal ceremony prior to a religious one. Or as another poster indicated, more than one ceremony or custom is the norm or their particular circumstances dictate it.
If, for example, a couple wants a legal marriage before one of them deploys to Iraq but have a religious ceremony after they return, I think that’s perfectly fine provided they are honest about the fact that they are already married.
If the subsequent “wedding” isn’t religious or cultural – then sorry, but yeah, it is a stage show. Its about wanting poufy white dress, the audience, the traditions and having the fantasy wedding despite not wanting to do things traditionally. Its right up there with wanting to elope but still wanting people not invited to your wedding to give you showers and bachelorette parties.
Lots of people, for one reason or another, fill out the paperwork on one day and have their ceremony/reception on another. It’s really no one’s business but their’s.
This is only becoming more and more common. Many people aren’t religious and don’t want a religious officiant to perform the ceremony — but it can be very difficult to get a government official to perform a ceremony (especially on a Saturday), and not all states recognize internet ordained ministers.
Depending on which state you live in, you might be legally required to sign your marriage license when you pick it up and then you have a period of time in which to have an officiant or an official sign it and then send it back in (the couple never need never see it again handing it over to the officiant). So the above post which says you need a ceremony before you sign paperwork is factually incorrect — that your signature means you have been wed. You signature means only that you intend to be married within the given timeframe, at least in the states in question.
Hey Guys! Thanks to everyone who responsed to my original question. I am not sure how this got so out of hand but I really did not mean to offend or upset anyone.
A really anticlimactic update: after all this, it looks like the wedding (both legal and public ceremony) will be on June 19th in Colorado, mostly because my mom said she has already booked the venue. No honeymoon, but we are hoping to sqeeze in a 1-2 night “mini-moon” before we have to come back to reality – and maybe take a vacation for our 1st or 2nd anniversary!
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