Legally married first, then have wedding (party) months later?

posted 8 years ago in Christian
Post # 3
Member
301 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I don’t see a problem with this at all :”] In fact one of my best friends got married legally first then had their big “white wedding”

She comes from a very strict Catholic family. The bought a house together (before they were married) and he moved in while she lived with her parents. She wouldn’t move in with him until they were married. Basically, they got married through the courthouse, she moved in, and then a year on the original date they got married in their church. Plus it gave them more time to save up for the wedding :”]]

I hope everything works out for you and your FI! And congrats on your schooling too!!!

Post # 4
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: April 2011

My fiance and I were planning on doing the legal thing next month and then still doing the big wedding thing in the church and so on in April. Our reasons were pretty much financial and for my daughter regarding insurance and my fiance adopting her. We had run it past out parents and they weren’t too thrilled about it but saw our point. Just last week, though, we met with the pastor who will be doing our ceremony and on the way out we asked him what he thought about that. He said that he did not see it in the way that the legal and spiritual aspects of marriage could be separated and that we would be “using” marriage to gain something…(that’s completely paraphrasing and probably not getting the true gist of what he said across), but it really struck a chord in me and made me think of it in a completely different way. While our situation is a little different yet kinda the same as yours I would just say that if it is this much on your heart to be spiritually “right” in doing this to talk to the pastor or someone else like that and then include that in your consideration. Being an hour away from each other, though, would be VERY hard for me! Good luck with everything!

Post # 6
Member
2496 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

I think that’s awesome!!  Fiance and I had briefly talked about getting legally married, but keeping it a secret from everyone… but we decided that I wouldn’t be able to keep it a secret anyway haha. πŸ™‚

But I think that’s such a great compromise and such a great way to do what’s best for yourselves, but still honor God with your decision! πŸ™‚

 

Post # 7
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: January 2011

my Fiance and I are getting legally married on our anniversay 1-11-11 but having our ceremony that weekend so that out of state family can make it in.

Post # 8
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I am so glad I found this website. I have been going through the same thought process.  I am 35 and want to get married sooner so that we can start working on a family (clock ticking!); however, due to finances we were going to wait til april of 2012 to get married and have the reception.  We are now thinking we can make it work to have the wedding april 2010 and than a reception fall 2010 and reading your messages has helped. I am curious if you have gotten any negative feedback from guests?

congrats to u all!

Post # 9
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2012

That’s what we did. We got married in May 2010 but the “celebration” is Oct 2011. We didn’t feel a need to wait. I needed to be on his insurance since I didn’t have any. Good Luck!

Post # 10
Member
447 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I am actually thinking of doing this. I want to have people see a christian marriage so that the Lord may be glorified in that way, however, I just am so stressin about all the wedding planning. I don’t see anything wrong with the idea of a wedding party later, we may have a celebration later as well. I do want to wear my dress I think at the small ceremony. So, dumb question..but what do you wear to the reception? Do you wear your dress, and him a tux? I am really liking this idea. I am pretty scared about having ppl staring at me at my wedding( I hate being the center of attention), so our pastor suggested this idea..and it really sounds quite wonderful to me. Would people think it’s weird just having a reception and not be at the real ceremony? I worry I may offend my FH family..they are pretty tight. I am not really tight at all with my fam, so maybe his fam will understand(ya, right..I know they will be disappointed, but what do I do?). Idk. Maybe we could get married this winter and have somethin later, so much less pressure.

Post # 11
Member
165 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

My fiance (technically hubby) and I got legally married before he left for Germany since he is stationed there with the Air Force. We did this to get things planned for me to move over there since there is a LOT of paperwork involved in getting command sponsored — when the US government takes responsiblity for you and send you over there. So we got married but are treating this time as an engagement. But we too did not wait until marriage for sex and being apart there are temptations. We are going to wait though until our wedding night, so basically celebacy for 5 months. 

Anyway, we made the decision with my parents who gave us their blessing because of the circumstances and it has become no big issue. We just haven’t had the ceremony really — we signed papers on my parent’s coffee table in jeans and t-shirts, lol. Two witnesses, my mom and dad, and my little brother, our wedding officiant for a day. The real wedding will be January 1st, so we had time to save up for a wedding and plan. Glad you made a decision to work it out and your family is okay. Sounds like it worked itself out!

Post # 12
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I think it’s a fabulous idea.  I only wish my fiance’s family thought it was.  This is my 2nd marriage (his first) so, I am over the whole wedding planning stuff.  Like you, we have tried very hard to remain faithful to the Lord, and not have pre-marital sex, but it is soooo difficult!  Glad everything worked out for you.  I don’t have too much longer to wait, as my wedding is in 23 days!!

God bless πŸ™‚

Post # 13
Member
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I’ve been to more than wedding for people who did this. One got legally married sooner rather than later for immigration reasons, and had the wedding 6 months later. The other wanted to get legally married in Massachusetts because they allow same-sex marriage there, and then had a wedding where they live a few months later. They were not a same-sex couple, but wanted their marriage license fees to support a state that shares their values.

Both couples’ legal wedding ceremonies were private, with just them, the judge, and the required number of witnesses. They also both had non-legal ceremonies officiated by friends at their later weddings, and very much considered the later wedding to be a Real Wedding (vs. just a reception, or just a celebration of their marriage, or something similar). They also both use the dates of their later wedding as their anniversary instead of the date when they legally became married.

Post # 14
Member
5388 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

We had a similar issue. It was suggested that we get married and move in together, but we decided to live apart. FH’s job put him in another state in Feb. I was still living in TX. I felt that if I moved out of state before the wedding, it would be easier to have one big move and move into our future home. I didn’t want to move twice within 6 months. FH talked to his apartment complex and they extended his lease until Dec. with no problems (which is perfect because we get married on NYD so he could move before we leave). He brought us a home that I live in by myself. I pay his rent and he pays the mortage.

I am sure it will all work out for you. Good luck!

Post # 15
Member
565 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

that’s what we’re doing!  we got legally married feburary 1st, 2010, but our wedding is janurary 29th, three days before our 1 year anniversy!  just be honest with everyone, and let them know you’re already married.  πŸ™‚

Post # 16
Member
222 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I’ve thought about getting legally married first, but the only reason I would have is that we hate living in 2 separate places and I want to have all the perks of being married! πŸ˜‰

But honestly, where is the fun in just getting legally married? I think it would ruin the post-poned celebration. I wouldn’t feel a sense of anticipation and I don’t think it would be as special. Plus, I would find it silly to spend all the money when I’m already married and I REALLY wanna wear a pretty dress!

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