(Closed) Legally married first, then have wedding (party) months later?

posted 10 years ago in Christian
Post # 17
Member
65 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I remember reading this post awhile back and something came to me about this over the weekend. My pastor was talking about how everything we do should glorify God. Even a wedding can be a way to glorify God to your friends and family. The focus on your wedding day would be about Him. Just a thought….

Post # 18
Member
222 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

View original reply
@missrandirobot: Thank you for the reminder. You are absolutely right!

Post # 19
Member
20 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I was just telling my MOH/little sis yesterday that if I could start over again I would TOTALLY do it in that order – just cause I think that is how it should be. Just my situation has taught me that weddings are getting so blown up, that I feel like I am forgetting what I am doing. I am planning my wedding – the beginning of my life with my best friend and husband.

Now all i can think about is chairs and flowers! I wish we had gotten married, just the two of us, concentrating only on us and our love, and then thrown a beautiful party.

I know this isnt the exact question you are asking, but I thought it might help to look at the other positive aspects of the situation.

🙂

Post # 20
Member
484 posts
Helper bee

My fiance and I were actually thinking of doing the same thing, we both want to work in academia. It’s difficult for either of us to get a job at a university let alone for both of us in the same place! However, they do often make allowances if you are married and find a job for the spouse too…. It’s realisticly the only chance we have of being together in the next few years, since neither of us wants to give up a career we’ve been working our butts off for over the last 10 years. There’s no way we could afford a wedding right now so we’re looking at getting legally married before we’d have to possibly move country and have just booked our proper church wedding ceremony for 22/06/2013 so we have plenty of time to save up and have the proper wedding that we’re dreaming of. I do fear that already being married for anything up to 2 years before the wedding will take quite a lot of the fun and excitement away from it, but that’s life!

Post # 21
Member
167 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I am actually considering doing the same thing: get married sooner than our wedding date, and then have the celebration with everyone in town.

I say do it.

 

Post # 22
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I think it’s a responsible choice.  Our pastors came to us and asked if we would like to get married privately before the big day so we can have sex.  We live together but are waiting until we’re married.  We chose not to do it, but that’s just our choice.  I will suggest though, that you speak to a pastor.  I think it’s more important to be married before God than be married legally, in terms of being able to have sex.  But that is just my opinion.  What about a small spiritual ceremony at you home or privately at the church?  Just a suggestion!

Post # 23
Member
374 posts
Helper bee

Can you cancel the big reception?  Why bother, really?  Just get married by ‘the church’ since it means alot to ou both and have a simple reception in the church hall. Cake and sandwiche bar [lots of yummy different wraps and sandwiches.  I love the wraps that are rolled and sliced.  It is very easy to eat!!!] with a punch bar [pink lemonaide, yellow lemonaide, shirley temples].  I wouldn’t waste all the money on a lavish reception.  You can do that when you have your first child or not at all.

I am sincere.  Just get married and start your life together.  Why go through the motions.

Even if you forfeit a deposit, it may be worth it in the long run.

What are your thoughts?

Post # 24
Member
3 posts
Wannabee

I have a similar situation in terms of needing to legally get married first before an actual ceremony.

My FH and I are moving to Australia in 4 months for vet school. Legally we will have to be marrie din order for me to go with him. We are planning on legally getting married in a few days and then having our ceremony adn reception during his 3rd year in vet school. I am needing advince in regards to whether or not we should tell our parents and family about the situation. Im not sure how either parents will react if we were tell them we had to get legally married… I am scared that I will deeply hurt the people I love.

My FH and I know that this is just something we have to do in order to be together (there is no way I could live without that man for 5 years while he finishes vet school!). We would plan and try to have the ceremony and everything before we leave but financial it just is not duable for us to have our dream wedding.

Should we keep this legal marriage a secret or let our parents know about it?

Post # 25
Member
374 posts
Helper bee

@futuremresbarnett:  You have 4 months.  Have a simple ceremony; a simple reception; and leave a married couple.  Why drag out a farce or engagement?  Just do it!  Your families will be all the happier to know you are  both settled and starting a life together.

You can have everything you want without having it take a year to plan.  You’ll be surprised happy people will be for you!

Let us know what you decided!  Best wishes.

 

Post # 26
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

While I understand some of the predicaments some of you were in prior to marriage, I believe a marriage ceremony (whether civil, courthouse, church, etc.) only happens ONCE.  Getting married quickly in a small ceremony and then saying later you want the big wedding you are trying to pretend that you are single again for the big party.  This to me is being a fake…either get married in a small ceremony because of your circumstances OR have the big wedding you always dreamed of an do it the right way….bride and groom both single when you say your vows and have that big wedding reception.  Otherwise you are a fake just looking for all the perks without doing it the right way.  And if you still feel you need to have a big party after the wedding…DON’T call it a wedding, or reception.  And by all means make sure you put on your “party invitation” NO GIFTS PLEASE!

Post # 27
Member
891 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

View original reply
@anniewal: Mhm, I am having a civil union in Ireland to have my official wedding  in Norway 7 months later for personal reasons. I don’t really see how that can be fake, because that was how we wanted to do it, and we don’t expect any gifts since we asked them not to give us gifts already. We do expect our family and guests being there for the big wedding day though and everybody understands 🙂

 

EDIT: Just saw that this thread started a year ago, LOL!

Post # 28
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Ok i have a similar situation.

We got legally married on 11/11/11 and our wedding was planned for the 3/12/11.

(the chapel ceremony and reception was planned for a couple weeks after the legal day cause the legal day was a friday and i just really wanted to have that date, so the 1st available saturday was the 3/12/11)

now i had problems with my inlaws comming up to my wedding cause i am greek christian and he is lebanese muslim and they didnt agree with us getting married.

So 6 months be for the wedding they pretended to accept and that they were excited about the wedding, mind you i was paying  for the whole ($40,000 aus )wedding single handed with not a dollar from my inlaws or my hubby, so 2 weeks before we were legally married when the inlwas saw that we were for real and this marriage was going ahead (cause they thought we would break up) they tried breaking us up, ans started causing trouble and said to my hubby that they would not be comming to the wedding and then all his relatives said they were not going either in respect to his family , but it didnt work and we continued with our plan and we got legally married and had 3 – 4 weeks to go to our wedding ceremony and reception and so they put the pressure on the hubby and 3 days befor the actual wedding day he turns around and says to me i cant go through with it, i cant have the chapel wedding and i cant walk into the reception without my family there i know we are married and i want to be with you but i just cant have the wedding part of it cause i dont want to hurt my family……

So 3 days away from my wedding i had to cancel everything loose all my money and tell all my side of the family and guest including my dad and mum that was so waiting to see their girl as a bride that there was no wedding and that we were just skipping off to the honeymoon one that my parents paid for mind you…..

so as deverstated as i was and my family, i chose to stay with my husband instead of getting divorced after 3 weeks marriage and let his parents win, and of course cause we had been together for 5 years and i loved him, so we went off to the honey moon to greece and there my aunty gave me a little bbq wedding with 30 people that i didnt even know really, just so i would atleast get to wear my dress for an hour.

to make things worse oon the day we were leaving fot our honeymoon, when i went to pick him up cause we had to be at the airport his mother wouldnt let him leave the house, and all the way to the airport until we boraded his parents were calling him and fighting with him telling him not to go on the honeymoon…. WE WERE MARRIED ALREADY…. anyway it continued they called him everyday on our honeymoon until finaly they convinced him to go back home early, so he went back home and i stayed in greece and continued my holiday, and by then i had had enough, so i said to him…. go home sort out your life cause and make your choice, your wife or your mother, cause this cant go on, we can get a divorce and be done with it if you are always going to do this to me.

Now at the time i thought i would get over it but i havent been able to get past that i didnt get to have a wedding, i didnt get to have my dad give me away, i didnt have a cake, or wear my dress for more than an hour (dad paid $4000 for my dress) my wedding was always my one and only dream, and my inlaws destroyed that for me ……..

So we said we would have our wedding at a later date so i can get a chance to have my wedding, we are trying to save some money to do a small wedding not as glamorous as i had paid for but at least something so i can wear my dress and have the day ive always dreamt of with my mum and dad there, we are aiming for our aniversary date the 11/11/12 so it could also be like a renewal of vows.

Now some people in my family (my aunty and he husband) are talking and ive heard gossip saying that they said why she having a wedding later? she is already married , were not going….. and i was really hurt by that, cause no one has really sat back and thought how i felt that my wedding was so badly ruined , but they were quick to gossip….

 

so what im asking here is do you think it is tacky to have a wedding a year or 2 after we were legally married ?

 

Post # 29
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Okay I realize the wedding has come and gone by now, but I think there are two appropriate ways to do this:

Have a “blessing” by the church after you are legally married. You could have the reception at this time as well. You are already married. Catholics refer to this as “covalidation.” I’m sure another christian denomination could do something similar. I’m not sure what muslims believe so I cannot speak for them.

OR

Have a wedding (Church or JOP) and then have a “reception” at a later date.

Post # 30
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2011

View original reply
@SoonToBeMrsMoose:  thank you so much for replying to my post hun.

any response i get would be great, ive been going out of my mind trying to think what to do cause i dont want it to be silly, bu at the same time i dont feel that i deserve to be punished and not ever have a chance to have my wedding just cause my inlwas ruined it for me.

cause he is muslim its also hard to do straight away cause if we decide to go with a church wedding he will have to get christened and attend religion classes for 6 months which we are trying to get started on so we can at least have that option, the othe option we have is to have it in the non denominational chapel i had booked before with the celebrant and do a renuwal of vows or ceremony …

either way we have to save some money for it, so it wont be until our 1st aniversary this year or next year at the lattest, do you think it would look bad?

Post # 31
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@diavolaki21

I think that in your situation your husband needs to stand by your side. A lot of money was wasted and really it was his fault (letting his parents have too much say). Before you do anything further his devotion needs to be proven. I’d maybe do a 5 year vow renewal. You’ll have plenty of time to save money and time to have his family learn to accept you and for him to prove himself. That way you can celebrate with everyone and hopefully things will be forgiven. I wish you the best!

 

The topic ‘Legally married first, then have wedding (party) months later?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors