(Closed) Legally married first, then have wedding (party) months later?

posted 10 years ago in Christian
Post # 32
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2011

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@SoonToBeMrsMoose:  Thank you, for your response hun, and i know your right, alot of money was wasted and it really was his fault….. im just stuck between wanting to have a wedding my one and only dream and the gosip of some family (my brother and his mrs perfect wife, and my aunty , husband and my 2 female cousins that think they are so perfect cause they have money , talking about me behind my back  how its riduculous to have a wedding later cause we are married now and that no one will be coming (meaning them selfs) and that is really hurtful to me …. makes me kind of feel like just because it went so wrong the first time that i missed my chance to have one.

so the question is, is it that wrong to want to still have a wedding ?

Post # 33
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I’m in a similar situation and could REALLY use some advice. My FH and I recently got engaged after being together for 3 years. We take our faith pretty seriously and want do things right in the eyes of God but also don’t want to forego our dream wedding i.e. the white dress, traditional ceremony and reception. My work schedule along with a few other events we have to plan around along with our finances make it difficult for us to get married relatively soon as we would like. We have had sex before but for the past 5 months have been practicing celibacy and would like to continue to wait for marriage. I’m currently in a living situation I’d like to get out of so we have discussed doing a small private ceremony to allow us to move in together and also to avoid the temptation of sin. I would hate to have a private ceremony and not include our families but have gotten some feedback that’s not in support of the idea and even went as far to say the traditional/larger ceremony would seem fake and for show. We thought about having the wedding sooner but our finances won’t permit that and it wouldn’t allow for our dream wedding. What should we do? If we have a private ceremony do we tell our family? Do we tell others we’re already married? I’m confused and stressed out please offer advice. 

Post # 34
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: April 2013

My husband proposed in February of 2012, and after discussing with international family, we decided to get married in March of 2013. However, my husband promptly got a job 1,200 miles away, and we got married at the park with our pastor and a handful of friends two days before moving away together. Now It’s still very important to our family that we have a big wedding celebration. I still have a big white dress that I haven’t had the chance to wear yet. But I’m wondering how things should be different from a regular wedding. Are regular vows appropriate when most everyone knows we’re married? What’s the point of my father giving me away to my husband, when I’m already his? Can’t he see me the morning of the wedding, when I wake up beside him every morning? How can I preserve the ‘weddingness’ of the event without being fake? Please advise, I’ve never done this- again- before!

 

Post # 35
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I am so glad I found this board. My fiance and I are thiking about doing this but I’ve been nervous it will take away from our actual wedding day.

My fiance is in the military and we never know when he might get deployed. We were thinking of doing a small Justice of the Peace wedding with just the 2 witnesses and not telling anyone. We were then going to go through with the actual wedding in about 6 months.

This board makes me feel alot less nervos about our decision. Thanks everyone!

Post # 35
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I’m having a problem related to this with my wedding. My Fiance and I are getting legally married in December this year and our big wedding celebration (along with blessing conducted by our friends) is in June 2017.

My Dad – absolutely fine with it. My Mum – not happy at all. She can’t understand how important it is for us to have our two best friends give us a blessing (in the UK you can’t be ordained online so we would have to have the legal part done seperately). She is also very upset about who gets to go to the legal bit in December. We’re not treating the legal bit as a wedding – more a technicality of our big day in 2017 so have told parents when and where it is and said if they want to come that’s great, and if not that’s also fine – so long as they come to our big day in 2017.

My Mum is furious that we don’t plan on extending the invite to the legal ceremony to our grandparents, even stating that if we don’t invite them, they’ll refuse to come to any wedding we hold and she will not enjoy any part of any wedding. I genuinely don’t believe that my grandparents would feel like that but I’m now worried that our wishes for our marriage are going to cause family issues.

Couple of notes on the legal ceremony – we’re literally just going in, getting married and then going home. No dinner, no drinks reception. My Granddad is disabled and it would be a lot of fuss for him to be out only for half an hour.

 

Any advice on what to do? Both my Fiance and I are really struggling.

Post # 36
Member
535 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

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ColoradoGrl1989:  We’re doing the same! Getting married legally in two weeks and then doing the big party in five months. No one really has a problem with it 🙂 

Post # 37
Member
101 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2017

Wow…  Did anyone else think that This post would have been received so much differently on The Knot??! So glad to see such positive responses here!!  I got RIPPED up there because I first had the idea to do a legal wedding in a courthouse and a social wedding on a cruise with our families only less then a week later.  Apparently I was commiting a cardinal wedding sin.  In the end, for other reasons we ditched the cruise idea and are having a wedding on shore.  

Post # 38
Member
1412 posts
Bumble bee

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littlepinkring:  The fact that you had to find a 5 year old thread to ‘validate’ your idea isn’t great evidence that it’s ok to have a PPD (cause it’s not!)

Post # 40
Member
101 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2017

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knickergold: we aren’t having a ppd. 

Post # 41
Member
4 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: August 2018

So happy to have found this thread me and FH are going to the courthouse this Aug and having a celebration of marriage next Aug and i didnt get as much support many thought ppl wouldnt be as interested or felt we should just wait to do the whole ceremony and reception – thats not what want to do though

 

FH wants to marry this year (we are ready) and allow us more time to have the celebration we wanted 

 

 

my mom just had a long talk with me about how if people dont like it its not my place to worry and the people who care will be there

 

 

we are notifying everyone invited to the celebration of the union and my mom is gonna help us with wording of all this

Post # 42
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: October 2018

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ms_english07 :  Hello, I am in the sort of same boat as you and will possibly be getting married at the court house this month and then have the ceremony in october of 2018. I just dont know which date to celebrate as our anniversary, which one do you celebrate?

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