Post # 1
This is more so to vent than anything else…
my very best girlfriend in the whole world is one of my bridesmaids. she freelances and is having a really hard time with money right now. my wedding is a month away and she hasnt been able to get her plane ticket (she lives in another state), her dress, shoes, or any accessories because of this. she has no one to turn to for loans besides me, and finally admitted that she would have to borrow money from me to still be in the wedding (and basically to survive, her luck is crazy and she has a million other expenses out of the blue…)
anyway, i dont mind lending her money AT ALL. we are like sisters and i love her dearly, i cannot imagine getting married without her by my side. i totally trust her to pay me back when she can, and im sure she’ll have no problem setting up some sort of payback schedule with me. i just feel bad that my wedding is causing her so much strain. i know she is not the only one for whom wedding expenses are an issue(many of our friends and family are out of towners and have to travel). and it blows my mind how many people are willing to come from far and wide to celebrate with us. i know i should just feel grateful and enjoy the day, but i feel slightly guilty…
can anyone relate?
Post # 3
Oh I can completely relate… we’re actually having 2 seperate receptions/ceremonies because we didn’t want to inconvenience either side of our extended family & friends. Our immediate family and friends will be at both though… I’m from Canada & he’s from the US, we have about 3000 mi between us.
We have the same issue regarding my FSIL & her kids. They all need passports + flights. She’s a single mom & in school. We knew it would be tough for her & she instantly told us when we got engaged (with a heavy heart) that she couldn’t make it to a wedding in Canada. So now, we’re saving $150 a month extra so we can fly her kids & her up here.
Your situation is a little different because your wedding is sooooclose! Did your bridesmaid mention any of this earlier? I know you feel guilty, but she really should have said this to you a lot sooner- especially since you are like sisters.
Really, if they’ve all RSVP’d and have made their travel plans to witness you & your Fiance get married then you really shouldn’t feel guilty. If your guests couldn’t make it feasible then they wouldn’t have said they’d come! Enjoy your day & don’t feel guilty!! They’re all there to support you 🙂
Post # 4
The way I deal with bridal guilt is to think that most of my friends will get married some day and I’ll be doing the same thing for them
There is obviously a middle ground between forcing your BM’s to travel to a destination wedding, pay $300 for a dress and match every single accessory, and getting married in your parents backyard where your BM’s wear a cocktail dress of their choice.
You have to make the decision where you want to fall on that spectrum and everyone does it differently. Most of my friends haven’t been BM’s before as I am the first in my friends and family to get married. They all gasped when they found out the Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses I picked out were $130–while I thought I had done really well! It’s hard when you’re that close to a friend, but I probably would have said–"if you can’t afford it, don’t worry about it…I just want you to be there with me on my special day."
my Mother-In-Law is flying out her brother and sister in law because they can’t afford to come out for the wedding and while it is really nice I’m concerned about how they can afford it in addition to everything else thye’re paying for!
You can’t spend time feeling guilty about the cost, but try to direct those energies into coming up with affordable solutions to the wedding expenses for your bridal party and guests. Bridal guilt is hard to avoid especially now adays with the economy, but we are all in it together!
Post # 5
One of my BMs, who is still in college, emailed me the other day asking for something similar. I love the girl to death and she is like my little sister and I couldn’t imagine her not being there with me. She has been sick a lot recently (mono, etc) and he dad just told her that he is making her pay the hospital bill of $1,600. She is in college and has a job on campus that doesn’t pay much. She is also looking for unpaid internships for the summer. She asked (with a heavy heart) if I could help cover the cost of her coming to my bachelorette party and the hotel. I told her of course!
We will also be paying for my FI’s sister, her boyfriend/fiance (actually, no one really knows and I have not met either of them) and her daughter and now, I guess, her fiance (who, by the way, is 31 or 32 and she is 18 and graduating hs this May!) to stay in the hotel. They have no intentions of paying us back though. I have been secretly a little bitter about this since my Fiance told me. The reason being is cause my Fiance has worked VERY hard and sacrificed A LOT to be in the position he is now. He is in his dream job making good money. We are not millionaires by any means but his sister, who has done everything and anything to mess up her life, thinks he "owes" her something. Not my battle to fight nor my place to say anything but just support my Fiance.
Anyways, sorry I was just venting. All this to say you are not alone in this and I totally understand your pressure.